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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask a newish friend where she got all her money from?

75 replies

washbasin · 17/10/2010 20:03

I have known this friend for about 2 years now, we met at a baby group when our DC's were little and have kept in touch since. We get on well and see each other every few weeks with the kids so I consider her a good friend but she is still a fairly new one I guess. I therefore don't know certain things about her like why she is so loaded! It has never bothered me but my DH keeps saying I should just ask her, it just seems rather rude to me to ask!

She seems to have a never ending supply of money, eg she has just done over £120k worth of house improvements and didn't need to borrow any money for it. She constantly goes on about how skint they are now yet has just booked someone to do the garden at a cost of £6k. They are going on holiday soon for >£2k. And then the other day she said she is going to buy a new car. And her DD is getting a £200 present for her 2nd birthday. She doesn't work just now either and her DH is in a good, but not a megabucks, job.

DH thinks they either won the lotto or she had a major redundancy payout years back. I keep saying it's rude to ask her but DH keeps nosying.

AIBU to even think about asking?

OP posts:

ArmyBarmyMummy · 17/10/2010 20:30

YABU but I would be nosy too . If ur DH is so keen 2 know why not tell him to ask? U cud always apologise 4 his behaviour!!

MrsC2010 · 17/10/2010 20:31

I don't think I'd be pissed off it people asked us about money, more surprised than anything. We don't have much as we don't earn much, but we do have a good lifestyle for what we earn (just cause we are pretty careful with our priorities etc) which does prompt gentle queries sometimes, they're answered honestly.

But I would NEVER ask.

saffy85 · 17/10/2010 20:31

Depends... If she was skint, I mean really, truly skint, would you ask her why she had no money?

Ofcourse it's not ok to ask anyone why they have so much money. Mind you, I'm guessing you have maybe asked her several nosey questions already, seeing as you know how much she's spent on her garden, holiday and that she didn't have to borrow a single penny to do up her house....

ArmyBarmyMummy · 17/10/2010 20:31

P.s not a serious suggestion

expatinscotland · 17/10/2010 20:33

Don't ask. Why? Who cares? How rude.

ShrineOfCrazyDemon · 17/10/2010 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ArmyBarmyMummy · 17/10/2010 20:35

When we lived 'down south' people were quite open about money. Yorkshire folk definately aren't. Question is right up there with asking about ur sex life.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/10/2010 20:35

pavlov - I might want to know if I was jealous. If I had no envy then I don't see how it would matter to me what someone else could afford and how they could afford it.

I think that people who are overly interested in the finances of others are jealous. doesn't make them bad people or anything but if someone is so consumed with the fortunes of others, they should at least hold up their hands and atmit to a touch of the green.

ValiumSkeleton · 17/10/2010 20:37

You shouldn't ask. I'm not loaded, I'm broke, but because I'm a single parent on OPFA I've had people 'wonder' out loud how I can afford something. Usually because my parents or brother bought it for me, or because it's second hand, or because it was a priority to me. It's a really rude question and I am always shocked when people ask me about the state of my finances!

Original poster

washbasin · 17/10/2010 20:38

As I said in my post, I have never bothered about her money or wanted to ask but my DH is a nosy bugger. I wouldn't ever actually ask, I was just wondering if IABU or not to even think about it! (despite not going to ask, I am still quite curious, would you not be?...)

And the reason I know how much she spends on things is because she explicitly tells me. She showed me the quote letter she got in for her garden work and she has been up front about how much all her individual home improvements have been. She told me the other day how much she was spending on her DD's birthday. I have never, ever asked her any of this stuff!

OP posts:

kelly2525 · 17/10/2010 20:38

She seems quite happy to tell you how much everything costs, so if you really wanna know, ask. Next time shes bragging about how many £k shes spending on this or that, ask how she can afford it

FakePlasticTrees · 17/10/2010 20:38

Well, she might be skint as they keep to a very tight budget in order to save the money for the 'big expenditure' stuff you mentioned.

Also, you'd be surprised the differences in wages between 2 jobs that sound the same - her DH could have more coming in each month than you realise. Add to that, if they bought pre-boom they could also have v low mortgage compared to people who bought the same house even only 3 years later.

Don't ask, could ruin your friendship.

nightcat · 17/10/2010 20:40

'spose you could ask indirect questions like, would she be sending her dcs to a local private school coz U are considering?

But don't ask directly, she might chose to tell you one day - or not.

BikeRunSki · 17/10/2010 20:41

Maybe it is all on credit cards.

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 17/10/2010 20:41

hecate not jealous, just nosey! i suspect it would very much depend on the type of friendship you had, and whether you were generally a nosey parker. I would already know by now

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 17/10/2010 20:43

maybe she/her dh is a drug dealer? or into a bit of money laundering? maybe they do online poker, prostitution, the list is endless...

megapixels · 17/10/2010 20:46

How on earth did you know she didn't need to borrow money to do the 120K job on their home, did you ask her??

YABU to even consider asking.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 17/10/2010 20:46

I'm will Pavlov, I'd never ask myself but really want to know Go on, take a chance

Theincrediblesulk1 · 17/10/2010 20:46

Drug dealer? Mind you own business i say!

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 17/10/2010 20:47

will with

Original poster

washbasin · 17/10/2010 20:53

megapixels- she told me! She explicitly said 'X Y & Z that we need done is going to to cost at least £120k but at least we don't need to borrow it as it's in the bank'.

Or words to that effect.

That is why she now says she is so skint, but then she has added more on to that figure with the work to the garden, new car etc.

As I previously said, I've never asked her anything about her money.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/10/2010 20:54

It's quite vulgar of her to be boasting about her bank balance.

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 17/10/2010 20:55

see, if she told me that, i would have said something like 'fucking hell did you rob a bank or something?!!!' and she would then have been compelled to explain...

megapixels · 17/10/2010 20:56

Then she's probably lying and in loads of debt living beyond her means. People who actually have plenty of money in the bank usually don't advertise the fact to all and sundry.

GrendelsMum · 17/10/2010 20:58

It's probably not from anywhere very interesting, don't you think? The answer will probably just be 'oh, we inherited it', or 'made some, inherited some'.

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