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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get the pill for under age DD?

61 replies

MentalMillie · 16/10/2010 17:33

DD is under the age of 16. She has had a boyfriend for the past 6 months. I think from things she has spoke to me about that their relationship may turn physical. I am totally against this and have spoke to her at length about the disadvantages of having sex early and have also spoke to her about sexual health, std's etc.

Despite this I am worried that she will have sex anyway, I know I never listened to my parents when I was a teenager.

So I decided to take her to our GP who has prescribed the pill for her. I make sure she takes it each day by actually giving it to her every morning.

DH thinks that my actions are actually encouraging her to have sex. Whereas I think they will do it anyway if they want to and I am determined to prevent her from getting pregnant so young.

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 16/10/2010 17:35

I think you are being very reasonable and sensible
however, are you ensuring she has condoms too? the pill will stop pregnancy ( most times!) but won't protect against STIs.

if your DH thinks you addressing this head on will encourage her, he is being naive

Lulumaam · 16/10/2010 17:35

how old is she btw? have you talked about emotions/feelings etc.. about pressure to have sex and the other important things ?

Lulumaam · 16/10/2010 17:36

sorry, i see you have Blush

i'll get me coat !

Original poster
MentalMillie · 16/10/2010 17:36

Sorry I should have said that I have given her some condoms too.

OP posts:
BarbaraSeville · 16/10/2010 17:38

Tricky, isn't it? But you are probably being sensible. Personally I would have looked into the injection though.

readywithwellies · 16/10/2010 17:38

YANBU with the addition of regular chats about STis etc

WhatsThatDuckDoingThere · 16/10/2010 17:39

Very sensible. I'm considering doing the same thing with my dd. I'm not so sure about you giving it to her every day, doesn't she have to learn the responsibility of having to remember it herself, or do you think she'll just abandon them?

I've got dd on evening primrose oil capsules. She happily delves into the pot every morning without being reminded, so far.

Original poster
MentalMillie · 16/10/2010 17:40

Injection is probably a really good idea actually, far easier than taking the pill every morning.

I will continue to talk to her about STI's and the emtional side of having sex.

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/10/2010 17:40

you are doing the right hting

WingDad · 16/10/2010 17:41

Kids will have sex if they want to, and most of the time the advice from parents just goes straight out of the window.

Personally, I think you're doing the right thing. You're just making sure everything will be OK should the inevitable happen (I say inevitable, but it isn't really).

Best to be prepared.

BarbaraSeville · 16/10/2010 17:43

The other aspect of the injection that occurred to me is that it isn't every day, so you are not giving her the indirect message every single day that you are expecting her to have sex, if that makes sense?

fulltimeworkingmum · 16/10/2010 17:44

I think you are totally sensible to do this. As you said, she will go ahead if she wants to and at least an unwanted pregnancy will not be the result. Keep going with the STI advice though.

NonnoMum · 16/10/2010 17:45

Implant.

(I work with teenage girls)

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 16/10/2010 17:45

Sounds like a great idea.

WhatsThatDuckDoingThere · 16/10/2010 17:46

I think I'll be suggesting the implant to dd before too long. How long do they last? How often do you have to have a depo jab, if that's what you choose?

AnakisT · 16/10/2010 17:47

I think sometimes as parents we have to hope for the best but plan for the worst IYSWIM.

I think you are being really sensible and i wish my Mum had had that attitude.

sapphireblwhooooo · 16/10/2010 17:50

You're being very sensible and doing absolutely the right thing. She will have sex regardless.

OldPramLady · 16/10/2010 17:50

I second the implant, they last for three years btw I think you are being sensible to. :)

Meow75 · 16/10/2010 17:50

I have an implant. Lasts 3 years, Depo jab is every 12 weeks. Extra bonus is that the 10 years I've been using this kind of contraception, I've not had a single period. Not a guaranteed "side effect" but quite common.

WhatsThatDuckDoingThere · 16/10/2010 17:51

I have to say that my mum was pretty cool about this stuff. I was 15 when Victoria Gillick tried to stop all underage girls from getting contraception without parental permission (incidentally, her daughter became a single parent in her teens) and for a while, whilst it was going through the courts, under 16s needed permission. My mum came with me to the family planning clinic.

Meow75 · 16/10/2010 17:52

Oh, and there's only a 5-7 day window for repeat Depo jabs.

WhatsThatDuckDoingThere · 16/10/2010 17:53

Three years! cor. That's quite impressive.

spidookly · 16/10/2010 17:55

YANBU

She may have sex regardless of all you have told her and ultimately it is her decision.

Hopefully, hopefully if she does decide to have sex she will insist they use condoms.

Your DH is right to a point, I think. Now that she is on the pill she is more likely to think she has a tacit green light from you to go ahead.

It's a fine judgement, but you know your daughter. Well, your DH knows her too, but IME Dads don't have the clearest vision when it comes to their teenage daughters having sex. And men haven't ever been teenage girls, so they don't have the same insight into how their minds work.

AMumInScotland · 16/10/2010 17:56

I think making sure she takes a pill every day will be giving her very mixed messages about how you feel about her having sex. Making sure she takes the pill every morning feels like you are saying "I know you're about to have sex and condone it", which also makes it harder for her to say No to full sex if she doesn't actually feel ready for it yet.

Taking her to the GP to get a longer-term contraceptive would feel (to me) more like sensible long-term planning now she is getting older and having relationships. And not an "immediate sex" sort of decision, if you see the difference.

proudnscary · 16/10/2010 17:56

You are not being unreasonable.

You are being sensible and brave, in that you are facing up to her sexuality which must be hard.

What about STDs etc though, shouldn't they be using condoms?