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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get the pill for under age DD?

61 replies

MentalMillie · 16/10/2010 17:33

DD is under the age of 16. She has had a boyfriend for the past 6 months. I think from things she has spoke to me about that their relationship may turn physical. I am totally against this and have spoke to her at length about the disadvantages of having sex early and have also spoke to her about sexual health, std's etc.

Despite this I am worried that she will have sex anyway, I know I never listened to my parents when I was a teenager.

So I decided to take her to our GP who has prescribed the pill for her. I make sure she takes it each day by actually giving it to her every morning.

DH thinks that my actions are actually encouraging her to have sex. Whereas I think they will do it anyway if they want to and I am determined to prevent her from getting pregnant so young.

OP posts:

spidookly · 16/10/2010 17:57

Good point about longer term contraceptive AMum.

BarbaraSeville · 16/10/2010 18:04

maryz · 16/10/2010 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TondelayooohSchwarlock · 16/10/2010 18:20

You are being very reasonable indeed. Discussing the facts and reality about teenage sex is more likely, not less, to make her delay becoming sexually active. You are a great mum.

(NB: I have no experience of this - only having a male toddler - just my opinion)

LittleCheesyPineappleOne · 16/10/2010 18:24

I will be driving DD and any future girlfriends of my DSs down to the family planning clinic as soon as I have the first inkling that they might be sexually active. Probably for an implant, if they'll go for it. I will be such an embarrassing mum.

I think you're doing the right thing, OP.

Squitten · 16/10/2010 18:33

I think you're doing the right thing. I would probably also look into an injection or implant, just to save myself the worry of having to ensure she keeps taking it.

I only have a little boy and another on the way (we think) and I wish there was a long-term contraceptive for boys. Apparently, stapling condoms onto their winkies is frowned upon...

nooka · 16/10/2010 18:33

I think that the only problem with this is that it may mean that if she does have sex that she is less likely to use a condom, and in some ways I would be more worried about STDs than possible babies. What is the boyfriend like? I'd also have some concerns that if he knows your dd is on the pill that might be a green light for him to push harder to have sex?

My dd is 10 and I'm more of the 'make it bloody hard to have sex' school whereas my dh is more of the totally laisse fair 'they can have sex in our bed' type. So I anticipate a few arguments ahead! I think that we are both wrong really, but I do really hope that my dd (and ds too) do not have sex early, just because as young people they are much more vulnerable and more likely to do something they really might not want to, or might not be very safe.

On your particular situation I think I would be looking to take my dd to the family planning clinic rather than a GP, because I'd want to make sure she knew where to go if she hit problems, and to get all the most up to date advice. Also just to give her another advice option really I guess.

Hedgeblunder · 16/10/2010 18:39

The only bit I don't like is you giving them to her- it's her job to do that

animula · 16/10/2010 18:40

Can't you give her condoms?

I'm not so sure about the massive dose of hormones that the pill, and implant more so, introduce in such a young body.

My ds had terrible problems post-implant, so I'd definitely avoid that.

And condoms prevent STDs, as well as spreading the message that contraception isn't wholly the woman's responsibility.

AMumInScotland · 16/10/2010 18:42

You may find the family planning clinic in your area does a special "teenagers" session - if so, its worth making sure she knows about it, as its a good impartial source of advice if she wants to talk about any of this.

LittleCheesyPineappleOne · 16/10/2010 18:43

I wouldn't be happy with any children of mine using condoms alone; they're just not reliable enough, even if you're v motivated and sensible. Condoms+something hormonal like the implant would be perfect. Pregnancy or termination is far more dangerous to "the young body" IMO.

Bloodymary · 16/10/2010 18:58

I always had a large jar of different types of condoms (its amazing how many types there are now) in the bathroom.
DD could take her pick!

BarbaraSeville · 16/10/2010 18:59

Condoms just aren't reliable enough, I agree.

headinhands · 16/10/2010 19:02

we pretty much took the same route as you OP, grabbed the issue head on and so far so good as far as I know, oldest is 21 now and we went through this when she was 15. I often wonder if the 2 home births I had have helped though :)

spidookly · 16/10/2010 19:07

Little you are planning to drive the girlfriends of you ds to the family planning clinic?

WTF?

Your job as the mother of a son is to make sure he wears a condom, not to put other people's children on the pill.

Fucking hell.

popsycal · 16/10/2010 19:10

I think you are totally doing the right thing
HOWEVRER

Please be cauatious aboutb the depo injection....I had 3 of them in my mid twenties and it sent me more loopy than I have ever felt beofre or since
(also gave me fertility issues for almost 2 years after coming off it but i guess that isnt a major concern for your dd right now)

seriously though
I would NEVER advise anyone to have the depo injectin...

Bingtata · 16/10/2010 19:16

Agree with popsycal, don't automatically see the injection or implant as a good idea.

I had injection in my early twenties and it stopped all my periods and I had a hard time falling pregnant after it. I've had an implant too, but only because I don't want any more children - I was loopy on that too.

At 15 I was old enough to arrange my own contraception though and did through the family planning clinic. If you trust her to make the choice to have sex then you should be pointing her in the direction of where to get advice about the contraception, not dishing out the pill every morning which smacks alittle of 'well what you do is your business, just don't get pregnant'.

TrillianSlasher · 16/10/2010 19:25

I think you're doing the right thing, by talking to her and accepting the possibility.

And I think you should also make sure she has easy access to condoms, and emphasise how the best way to not get pregnant or catch something nasty is to use both.

The pill has the convenient side effect of making your period come at a very predictable time, and you can take two packs in a row if you want to be not on your period on holiday, for example.

LittleCheesyPineappleOne · 16/10/2010 19:32

"Little you are planning to drive the girlfriends of you ds to the family planning clinic?

WTF?

Your job as the mother of a son is to make sure he wears a condom, not to put other people's children on the pill."

Yup. It's not me that puts them on the pill. I'll drive them to the FPC if she wants me to, I wait outside, the girl talks to the Dr or nurse, and the Dr prescribes whatever the girl wants to use. It's not me putting anyone on the pill (the health professional does that after talking to the girl to see what she wants - if anything); it's me making sure my DS and his penis don't get someone's daughter pregnant or infected. If she doesn't want me to get involved, I'll stay out, but I'll be hoping her own parents are sensible enough to give her support and advice to get contraception and sexual health advice, too. Similarly, if for whatever reason my DD won't talk to me or her dad about it, I hope there's a sensible adult in her boyfriend's house who'd do the same for her.

onceamai · 16/10/2010 19:34

Better she doesn't get pregnant but is she aware of probs of sti's, teenage pregnancy; the fact that the boy might not be mature enough to marry her, etc., etc. Not looking forward to this stage but prevention is better than cure. Couldn't she be doing something like DofE instead! Goodness hats off to you - don't know if I will cope with this.

borderslass · 16/10/2010 19:48

I know when DD2 who's just turned 15 was put on the pill for medical reasons the Dr spoke about how important her taking it regular and at the same time each day was especially if she got a boyfriend and became sexually active I sat her down and told her 'If you get a boyfriend tell him to stick something on the end of it' I don't mince my words you have to be direct with DD2 or she doesn't get it.

tallwivglasses · 16/10/2010 19:56

OP, I'm interested to hear what your dd's reaction was to this. I'm presuming she was fine about it and not insulted or horrified, so you did the right thing.

It's just a shame that it has to be something so intrusive like a chemical that can fuck with your weight, complexion, mood, libido, etc. If men could get pregnant, yadayada...

The reason I'm asking is that my dd, when she was 14, pulled me into her bedroom for a private chat and told me she and her boyfriend (same age) had taken themselves off to the local teen clinic, talked with a nurse and got sorted with pills and condoms. She'd pre-empted me!

I was very proud of her for being so responsible but also a bit sad! still, I lost my virginity at 16 a few decades ago. Kids grow up faster these days.

I thought you'd get flamed - I'm so glad to see that most posters agree with you and would do the same in your position.

ScaredOne · 16/10/2010 20:18

I think you are doing the right thing but would also be wary about the implant and injections. I have some friends (early/mid twenties) that have had it and had huge problems, including clinical depression.
I am still experimenting with pills, some of them make me gain weight, others make me a moody cow. I would never go for something as permanent as an implant, it is hard to get doctors to remove it sometimes and you can't do it yourself. Worst case scenario of the pill is you stop taking it when you realise it's having an awful effect (and use alternative contraception of course).

I think she should remember it herself though, I think giving it to her is kinda odd.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 16/10/2010 20:23

wish you had been my mum.

starynight · 16/10/2010 20:39

Yanbu

I think its defo the right thing to do. By the time my mum gave me the lecture on going to the docs for contraception at 16 it was to late id already found out i was pregnant the week before. I imagine il take the same approach as you once my dd gets to this age with boyfriends.

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