Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be worried about leaving 16 month old DD for ten days?

64 replies

EvieBear · 13/10/2010 22:13

We just got married and we are planning to go away for ten days and leave DD with my mum, who will come to our place to mind her.
I'm so worried it will have a bad effect on her, and that she will hate us for leaving her or that her routine will be messed up and she won't sleep well etc... It's hard as they can't really express how they feel and I remember my mum going away when I was about 4 and I missed her so much. She will be in very good hands w my mum who adores here but still... she doesn't see my mum a lot as she lives abroad but they get on vert well when they are together. What to do? My husband thinks I'm being silly but I keep getting upset at the thought!!

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 13/10/2010 22:15

YABU to be going without her, sorry :(

I got married when our DD was 17m and we just had a little trip with the three of us. It's just too young to leave her IMO

ForMashGetSmash · 13/10/2010 22:18

If you are so upset about it why don't you take her? You can't have a "traditional honeymoon" if yo alreadt have the baby!

Husbands always do think wives are "being silly" bout this kind of stuff....why don't you do what YOU want to as Mther and take her?

pointydog · 13/10/2010 22:18

I think it's fine to go away.

But when did you book this? If you felt bad about it you should have arranged to go away with your dd.

larks35 · 13/10/2010 22:21

I think that your DD will be fine, but maybe you won't? I was left with friends and family many times as a bairn and never felt "rejected" though I'm sure I cried for mummy at times.

My DP was away for 2 weeks over the summer and I DS missed him at some points but he got over it pretty quick and it hasn't affected their relationship at all.

As for her routine, she's 16months old, she needs and will sleep, eat, play, laugh, cry whether you are there or not.

If you decide not to go on your honeymoon be honest with yourself and do so because you don't want to be away from your DD. If you do go, be prepared to learn that she can and will survive and thrive without you Grin

theidsalright · 13/10/2010 22:22

sorry another YABU from me
I think it's too long at her age.

Original poster
EvieBear · 13/10/2010 22:22

No we havent booked it yet... Hubby is putting pressure on to book soon though. We wld like to go to thailand and I'm thinking we could maybr take my mum and our dd too and so she could look after her during evenings but then whats worrying me is breaking her sleep routine. she was waking a lot recently in the night (it was hell!) and has just stopped so i'd hate to jet lag her etc....

ahhhh, silly women eh? we think too much!!!

OP posts:
kittywise · 13/10/2010 22:23

I can't imagine leaving a child that young for so longSad

bubbleymummy · 13/10/2010 22:24

bring her with you. Why do you need to leave her?

autodidact · 13/10/2010 22:24

Oh dear- what a dilemma. I definitely wouldn't leave my 14 month old for that long, tbh. She's got raging separation anxiety and is total mummy's girl right now so just wouldn't be happy. And nor would I. But I would hate to upset my partner too, if he really wanted to go away just us two alone. Could you go to a local hostelry and shag for a night instead?

Casmama · 13/10/2010 22:26

I think it is a long time to leave a child of that age. My ds is 14 months and sometimes I have to go away for work - after 2 nights I can feel my stress levels rising and the last time my dh said he was really quite clingy.
If your mother lives abroad, how much time has she actually spent on her own with your daughter, how many overnights for example? I think you will regret doing this if you go ahead as you will spend most of the time worrying about her.
Sorry I'm sure that is not what you want to hear but you did ask.

TheFallenMadonna · 13/10/2010 22:26

I left my DD for a week at a similar age. I left her with DH though (so not so much leaving her as me going and her staying), which wouldn't work for you...

theidsalright · 13/10/2010 22:27

bring her with you. DS has been abroad three times in his eighteen months. Slotted into his sleep routines perfectly every time. They are flexible little things (but not so flexible that they'd shrug off two weeks away from Mum and Dad!)

nikki1978 · 13/10/2010 22:29

Well I left my 15 month old for 5 days for my honeymoon and he was fine. I have left my kids for 2 weeks before but they were 5 and 3. She would probably be fine but I doubt you will enjoy yourself fully. I wouldn't take her personally as I think it is nice to have your honeymoon to be a couple but I would do it for less time so you all find it easier. TBH she is so young she will forget the whole thing anyway so don't feel by leaving her for a few days you are messing her up for life!

FreudianSlippery · 13/10/2010 22:29

Wow sorry it's crazy to think of going somewhere as far as Thailand! You can't have a normal holiday with such a young child, that's just the way it is when you have kids. You'll have plenty of time for big holidays when she's older. A weekend somewhere posh would be great, or days out so you can split up her time without you

mazzystartled · 13/10/2010 22:30

You don't want to do it, that's clear.
I am amazed your DH wants to do it. It would put me off him a bit tbh.
Can't you have a 3 night romantic break and a week somewhere as a family? Or all go.
IMnotsoH opinion if you want a romantic honeymoon to Thailand you kind of have to fit it in before you get up the duff. Being a parent brings compromises, inevitably.

ForMashGetSmash · 13/10/2010 22:32

go somwhere lovely in Europe....though I did take a 2 month old to australia and she was fine....the sepp thing...they level out eventually but at the moment any little thing upsets their routine. My DD was totally traumatized by fireworks night!

defineme · 13/10/2010 22:33

Go to a fab posh hotel for a couple of nights just you and dh and then go away fro a week with your mum and dd to somewhere a bit nearer than thailand? It will be special wherever you go. Compromise.

I find I go away and love it for 2 nights and then want to get home and get grumpy after that.

iliketosleep · 13/10/2010 22:33

Sorry another YABU I wouldn't leave my 2yr old DD for a night let alone 10. She is too young to understand why mummy has left her but old enough to realise shes gone IYSWIM. I would take her with you, you will have plenty of holidays alone when she has grown up and flew the nest :)

Greenwing · 13/10/2010 22:33

YANBU to be worried.
YABU to go away for ten days without her.

We got married when our baby was 17 months old. He came with us on 'honeymoon'.
Sorry not to be able to reassure you but separation for such a long time would concern me too - hugely. Your husband needs to understand and be sympathetic towards your feelings otherwise it will be a sad start to your marriage and you won't enjoy the holiday. You need to have a serious discussion. How about a long weekend together somewhere romantic, then a holiday with DD?

Link about effects of separation on children:
www.nurturingparenting.com/research_validation/effects_separation_and_loss.pdf

Your child's emotional health and development is way more important than a holiday. Like me you chose not to get married until after the baby was born so now your DD should be the priority for both of you. You are parents as well as lovers and parenting a young child takes precedence. Yes, time and effort is needed to nurture the marriage partnership but this is found through days and evenings out together without DD - surely not 10 days pretending she doesn't exist.

Sorry can't be more positive. Good luck

pooka · 13/10/2010 22:39

I couldn't leave ds2 (now 13 months) for that long.

Have a romantic posh break for a few nights in uk and plan a longer trip for the 3 of you.

Cathycat · 13/10/2010 22:42

I couldn't leave any of mine for that long - age 10 years down to 3. They'd be confused! sorry!

Original poster
EvieBear · 13/10/2010 22:43

Ok, I guess I will have to put that idea to DH: a few nights away for just us in Europe and then a holiday as a family. I can't bear the thought of going away without her for that long. I really hope he takes it ok!!! Help!!! My own fault as I had initially agreed to it but now it comes to the crunch I can't Sad

OP posts:
iliketosleep · 13/10/2010 22:43

Phew Cathycat I was going to say I wouldn't leave my DC age 10-2 but didn't want to sound to precious! lol

girlylala0807 · 13/10/2010 22:44

See,

I was brought up in a family where we were passed around from a very young age. I stayed with my gran for weeks at a time and never really noticed.

I guess its different for everyone. Only go if you want to and know you wont feel guilty.

PortoFangO · 13/10/2010 22:44

We got married when dd was 15 months old and she came on honeymoon with us. I could not have contemplated leaving her for 10 days at that age. Overnight/weekend with gps maybe but 10 days no - WE would have missed her too much.

Swipe left for the next trending thread