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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be worried about leaving 16 month old DD for ten days?

64 replies

EvieBear · 13/10/2010 22:13

We just got married and we are planning to go away for ten days and leave DD with my mum, who will come to our place to mind her.
I'm so worried it will have a bad effect on her, and that she will hate us for leaving her or that her routine will be messed up and she won't sleep well etc... It's hard as they can't really express how they feel and I remember my mum going away when I was about 4 and I missed her so much. She will be in very good hands w my mum who adores here but still... she doesn't see my mum a lot as she lives abroad but they get on vert well when they are together. What to do? My husband thinks I'm being silly but I keep getting upset at the thought!!

OP posts:
mollycuddles · 14/10/2010 10:02

I couldn't do it. Wouldn't even leave my 12 or 9 year old for 10 days. It would destroy me.

melikalikimaka · 14/10/2010 10:15

Had to leave my DS for a week, while in hospital, it seemed like a lifetime. I couldn't do it for a holiday. Sorry!

thekidsmom · 14/10/2010 10:24

If you're feeling this bad aobut it so far in advance, imagine how awful you're going to feel when you actually have to get on the plane.

I think you've kind of answered your own question, dont you? Some people can do it and some can't - I'm one of the 'can't do it' variety.

It would take a child psychologist to give a real view on how your DD would react but my instinct based on my 3 would be that they would be very confused, at best, by the disappearing then coming back thing. That said, I'm sure hundreds of people have done/have had to do it and their children have been fine.

cory · 14/10/2010 10:28

I would have done it if it had been for something necessary (work, dying relative), but I don't think I'd have done if for a honeymoon. Simply because chances are you will find it difficult to relax and enjoy and your dh might find that quite hurtful. A honeymoon is a thing that comes with such enormous expectations; it can be quite upsetting if the bride spends it sobbing into her cocktail for some absent third party. When I left dd at 4 months to go to a conference abroad, none of the other delegates cared or even noticed that I wasn't radiating joy every single minute of the day. I'd settle for somewhere shorter or closer or with baby.

Serendippy · 14/10/2010 10:30

Haven't read the whole thread.

YABU to be worried about DD, she would be fine with your mother as long as mum is good with her.

It is clearly you who will not be fine, not DD. So that is what you base your decision on.

After your mum left you when you were 4 and you missed her, did you forgive her for 'abandoning' you? Did you harbour resentment and fear for the rest of your life? Or did you forget about it when she got back and just recall it from time to time with no long lasting damage?

You must have forgiven your mum for this horrific incident to leave DD with her at all Grin

Only you can decide if you are able to leave DD. I would be able to

FrightNightScreamTight · 14/10/2010 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansMistress · 14/10/2010 10:31

I let DS go away with DH for 2 weeks at that age, have now done it twice with no ill effects. He has also stayed 4 days with his paternal GPs at 18mo and was fine. I would not leave him for 10 days with GPs though, it's too long with people he doesn't have the attachment with that he has with us. I would do a long weekend with DH, 5 days maybe, and with the money you save do a family holiday later.

melikalikimaka · 14/10/2010 21:35

My DS was 4 months old, when I had a major op, after a week, he didn't know me. I felt crap, and had a grizzly baby to contend with. I felt I had to get to know him all over again.

wrinklyraisin · 14/10/2010 21:48

I think if you are not okay with it, then don't do it. If you're not happy the whole experience will be miserable and not worth it, even if your DD has a ball while you're away.

But if the set up while you're gone will be loving, familiar and you are happy to have your DD spend some quality time GPs then go for it!

My MB travels regularly for work for 2-10 days at a time. She misses her child IMMENSELY but she also knows her child is well looked after in her absence and that makes it easier for her to do her job IYSWIM? She works bloody hard and loves what she does. I also work bloody hard and love what I do too. So it's a win, win. Her child is constantly surrounded by people who love her and is secure and happy. If your DD will be the same way in your absence OP then don't feel guilty for wanting to do something for yourself and your DH. Parenting is not a competition in martyrdom, it's just doing your best to raise happy and healthy children, and every parent has the right to choose what that will entail IMHO.

reddaisy · 14/10/2010 21:58

I would do it, but ONLY if you are comfortable with it. It does sound like you don't want to go so far and for so long without your dd.

I feel quite strongly that where possible the couples should have regular quality alone time together and if she is always left for the odd night/weekend/holiday then it will just become part of her life and it will allow you some freedom. So I don't believe that she has to go everywhere with you until she is 18 just because you chose to have her.

But, if you think you won't like it then you have to explain to your DP and find a compromise that works for you both.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 14/10/2010 22:02

10 days is quite a lot, especially if YOU are not comfortable with it. I am sure your DD will be fine with your Mother, but sounds as if you might not be. A shorter trip maybe?

Agree with reddaisy, it is good for couples to get away without the kids. We did it every year for a city break from when ds was four months, later leaving two of them for four or five nights with parents. We went away as a family as well.

mummytowillow · 14/10/2010 22:06

If you want honest opinions then she is too young to be away from you for that long?

I had a week away from my daughter, missed her like crazy and she was with her daddy! Couldn't you have a weekend away for the two of you and take her with you for the rest of the time?

jellybeans · 14/10/2010 22:07

YANBU to be worried. i couldn't do it. Each to their own but i just wouldn't enjoy it and my little one would be mortified.

magicmummy1 · 14/10/2010 22:08

My dd is 5, and I wouldn't leave her for that long. I didn't leave her alone for one night until she was well past three and a half! Shock

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