...to be worried about leaving 16 month old DD for ten days?

[EvieBear]

We just got married and we are planning to go away for ten days and leave DD with my mum, who will come to our place to mind her.
I'm so worried it will have a bad effect on her, and that she will hate us for leaving her or that her routine will be messed up and she won't sleep well etc... It's hard as they can't really express how they feel and I remember my mum going away when I was about 4 and I missed her so much. She will be in very good hands w my mum who adores here but still... she doesn't see my mum a lot as she lives abroad but they get on vert well when they are together. What to do? My husband thinks I'm being silly but I keep getting upset at the thought!!

We had a week away leaving 3 year old and 1 year old and by Wednesday I was climbing the walls desperate to get back to them.
Your old couple life has gone and tbh I had no interest in it, the family was where my heart was and I was miserable despite the lie in's, champagne (and ciggies), long baths and bonking. I just wanted to go home.

If you are bothered, cancel/rearrange/take her with.

I left DS when he was 9 months for 4 nights and I cried the whole time

We left our 2.5 year old for 5 glorious days to go on honeymoon earlier this year. 5 days was enough though, couldn't have done 10. And we stayed in Europe - I would like to think we could get back quickly if needed (this isn't just paranoia - we got back the day before the ash cloud kicked off - imagine being stuck in Thailand with your DD back home.
I do think doing the minding in your own home is a good idea though.
Some compromise?

I agree with the majority here, take her with you. Not your mum though.
And go somewhere else, I'm not sure about vaccinations etc for Thailand, DCs already have so much around that age without adding a load more.
I would hope your DH wouldn't have a problem celebrating your marriage as a family.

Greenwing - your link is about "Separation from or loss of parents due to death, divorce, incarceration or removal to foster care", NOT a ten day holiday

10 days to thailand!! Sorry i don't know how you can even be thinking about this, it's too far for too long. Dd is 4 i've done 3 nights away (left her with dh mind) and that's enough.

Go for a long weekend somewhere instead, believe I could win non maternal mum of the year award sometimes but i could NOT do this.

Couldn't you compromise? How about a special weekend away with just the 2 of you and then a week's holiday with DC?
I left my DS at that age but he had his older brother and DH at home and DH was always very 'hands on'.
She may well be OK but she is very young and I'm sure that you won't really enjoy it for the worry.

EvieBear, I understand your thinking totally. DS was 14 months old when we got married, and he stayed with my mum while we went on honeymoon. We had been engaged for 2 and a half years, and had booked the honeymoon while I was still pregnant. Never having a baby, I thought 14 months is not too bad an age- too young to really miss me or remember, but old enough to be without me. I also left the honeymoon to DH to organise as a surprise, with everyone knowing but me until about 2 months before the wedding.

I worried about it every day on the run up to the wedding. DS is pretty chilled, spends one day a week with my mum when I go to work, and never cries when I leave him at nursery (in fact, now waves and shouts 'Bye!'). But I worried myself silly about it. Whenever I told anyone that I was worried about leaving him, I kept getting told 'Go away and enjoy yourself, you won't get this chance again'. DH and I have never had a holiday just the two of us, so I was inclined to agree with them. So we went away on our honeymoon, and I missed DS like crazy every day. I found myself staring at other babies on holiday like a crazy woman, wondering if they were the same age as DS I'm sure one woman at breakfast thought I was a bit crazy, I was tempted to go over and explain. The first week was bad, but I could kind of deal with it; the second week it got to me quite bad. I found myself crying when I saw other babies, and I am not usually someone who cries too easily. It ruined the holiday for me that DS wasn't there with us.

Looking back now, we should have had a couple of days on our own, and a little holiday with DS. When we came back, my mum met us at the airport with DS (the last few days of the holiday had just turned into a countdown to DS, by the hour). I took him and hugged him, but he turned to my mum and wanted her. It broke my heart :( He came round after half an hour or so, and settled back into his routine that night, like nothing had changed, but like I said, he is a very chilled baby where pretty much anything goes!

I would think very hard about whether you have spent any serious time away from DD before. I had only spent the odd night away from DS before we went away. And even then, I ask for regular updates and picture photos. You can't even get that when you are abroad. Even still, I managed to rack up a £120 phone bill from when we were away texting my mum and asking what he was wearing; what he had ate that day; etc! I have never in my life missed anyone or anything like I missed DS for those 2 weeks.

HTH.

Oh, just to add, DS had the time of his life, went to all kinds- aquarium, zoo... He was looked after by people he sees 3-4 times a week at least. I was never worried that he wouldn't be happy or he wasn't being looked after right. After all, my mum is a children's nurse! But, it is so so so hard for you.

I think your child will be fine, but you might not be! How about a shorter break, just the two of you? I couldn't go away for ten days personally, but friends have and their children seem absolutely fine and completely unscathed in any way, while the adults had a whale of a time. I'd just feel guilty and miserable I think, so not worth it for me.

It depends. I have done this with my 19 month old dd (9 days), and although I felt uneasy about it at the time, she has grown into a 4 year old with absolute confidence in the love of her parents. She doesn't actually remember when she was 19 months, had a fabulous time without us (didn't even mention us once! Although she was clingy for about 3 weeks afterward) and looks forward to spending a week with her grandparents every summer now.

I think the fact that I trust all 4 grandparents to look after my dc with massive amounts of love, care and diligence helped me to agree to going away for that length of time. Dc also have very close relationships with their grandparents, whom they see or talk to every week.

I believe it's healthy and important for children (and their parents and grandparents) to develop close relationships with their grandparents whilst they have them. I know this can't happen in many situations for a variety of reasons, but I am thankful everyday that I grew up in the same house as my Nan, who taught me so much.

It's nice to have couple time too .

My only concern about going abroad is that you can't get back as easily if the unthinkable happens.

If you really don't want to leave her then don't, but I really don't think a week away from you will cause her any lasting damage. I have long weekends away without DD all the time, and once went away for 7 days to Spain when she was 2. DD had a great time with her Nana and loved being treated and spoilt rotten. She actually looks forward to me going away now.

DD is 5 now and we are as close as can be, have a fantastic relationship, she certainly doesn't seem to suffer from our time apart.

Disagreeing with the majority here, but I honestly don't think that 10 days away from your DD will do any harm whatsoever. She will be fine with Gran. Having said that, if you are going to be unhappy leaving her there isn't much point in going on holiday without her is there!

YANBU for worrying.

DP and I are about to leave our DCs (4 years and 16 months) for at least a fortnight and the thought of the separation is giving me sleepless nights. Unfortunately, we've not really got a lot of choice - it's for medical reasons.

I think, however, that if you're going to do it then leaving your DC with somebody that she knows, trusts and loves in her home environment is the best approach. As many others have already said, logically I'm sure she will be fine. I just wanted you to know, though, that your misgivings are perfectly reasonable!

I left my 7yr old and my 16 month old for 9 days when we went away to get married in africs. They are both fine, had a fab time with granny and were pleased to see us when we got home, but not really clingy or anything.

It is a really long way though, and if anything happened eg volcanic ash, would you be happy that your mum is taking good care of her while you are gone? If yes, then I can see no reason not to go. We had an amazing time, missed the kids but it didn't ruin our holiday and when it was time to come home, we were looking forward to seeing them. My mum on the other hand was exhausted and couldn't get away quick enough!

Overnight, yes. For two weeks, no.

Take your mother and enjoy it as a family. Oh, and don't worry about sleep disruption. I used to live in Asia and moved back to the UK and thought my daughter

But as it happened she was your typical fed-on-demand-waking-every-two-hours-co-sleeping-baby IN Asia, and remained so in the UK.

Couldn't discern any change in her 'routine'.

I don't think you being away from her will harm her irrevocably, but if you are doing this to maintain a routine, I think that's misguided, as her routine WILL be upset by you not being there -- more so than just sleep timings.

I'm taking my mother to India in the New Year with my two year old (bear in mind the east coast is only 8 hours away so less of a lag -- maybe consider Goa or Kerala?) and am really looking forward to it. Wouldn't occur to me to worry about routine.

Even so, Thailand isn't New Zealand. I used to fly to SE Asia regularly and it's not too bad on a adult at all, probably won't affect a toddler too badly.

I should add that we do AP so I couldn't countenance time away. Other people don't and I'm not judging you. I'd just think you can't imagine how you'd feel being that far away for that long.

Take her. Be the start of many a lovely family trip together.

Consider Africa (little time zone difference) or India, which is about 8 hours. Even SE Asia (Malaysia, Indonesia) is doable. I've got fab recommendations

Agree with the majority here. It's one thing to leave a young child with a regular carer for a few nights but your mum lives abroad and doesn't see a lot of DD, Thailand is a long way away if there is an emergency at home and 10 days is a long time for you to be missing one another. Your DH is going to have a rubbish time if you are on the phone to the Uk the whole time, worrying about your DD.

Really like the idea of a weekend away, followed by a family holiday. Or could you take DD and someone else with you on holiday as a babysitter(your Mum?) so that you and your DP can have some alone time but also spend time with DD?

Greenwing- "10 days pretending she doesn't exist" is a bit harsh.
Still OP, I couldn't do it either, it sounds like you are not alone. Have you spoken to your DH?

I really do not understand why you cannot take her with you? DD came on holiday with us to South Africa when she was 17 months and she was fine (21 hrs flight as I am not in the UK)- had a great time seeing elephants etc. Mind you - it was tiring for us, but I would not have left her at home.

Just book a place which is suitable for children too (of which there are many these days). Our hotel was great with babies - I reckon she was the most pampered guest ever...

We left dd2 at home in care of her GPs twice for periods of ten days. First one she was 8 months, second time she was about 18 months.

She had a grand time having their undivided attention and they loved being able to dote on her, unmolested by pesky parents. The only downside was getting her used to our normal parenting again when we got home!

I don't think she missed us much to be honest .

Oh, and the grandparents in our case also came over from abroad to do the looking after. We had a week beforehand to get them all used to each other and settle them into dd2's routines.

OP I am about to leave my DSs who are 2.8 and 1 with my ILs for a week while I take DH on a surprise birthday trip (big birthday!) longhaul for a week. I still have my misgivings and have moments where I think I want to cancel the trip BUT I know that this is a good chance for them to bond with their grandparents as well. DS1 adores his GPs and I think that having DS1 there will make the separation easier on DS2.

When DS1 was my PFB though, I didn't leave him overnight till he was almost 2 and I regret that as my ILs constantly asked for him to stay and I just never relented. Now I can see that it bothered me more than it bothered him and it would have been beneficial for him. And TBH, both DH and I need the time alone together. So I can see how hard it is for you.

My suggestion would be for you to go with your DH for a week somewhere (Maldives? 12.5 hours is easy-peasy without kids!) and then maybe do 4 days or so somewhere with both your Mum and DD like Center Parcs?