Judgmental vs having an opinion?

[lilystyles]

I am new to mumsnet (joined yesterday) and have found on talk there are a lot of women getting shouted down and accusations flying around of posters being 'judgemental' and 'generalising' .
I am curious about when having an opinion crosses the line into being being judgmental? Another question, when does coming to a personal conclusion based on your own experiences become generalising? Thanks

If your view coincides with mine, you've got an opinion. If it opposes mine, you're being judgemental.

Well, this is how I like to think about it. If I was in the situation, would I find the opinion to be judgy, or actually valid? For e.g. having a go at someone to choose to go back to work after having a child - judgy. Telling someone it's a bit of a stupid idea to name your child on the basis that the name fits into the DF's crossword tattoo - expressing an opinion (true story).

I think you can have an opinion without declaring it is the only correct opinion that anyone should hold.

Respecting other's views means you can consider things from another point of view. Being judgemental is basing an opinion on little fact or only on your own (limited experience).

I find you get called judgemental if you disagree with the majority of posters using the site at the time.

Or if you have strong opinions about politics, private education, benefits, etc that someone popular on MN disagrees with.

MN can be just as cliquey as the school playground sadly.

it's funny because I think that both the other threads you have started in AIBU today are quite judgemental to be honest.

I tend to think of someone as judgemental if they are not considering it from all aspects or dont appear to be considering the reasons behind something or that someone may have considered the alternatives, or if its obvious they couldn't possibly know the whole story.

Having an opinion is being in possession of all the facts and deciding one way or another how you feel based on those facts.

Of course its not always possible to be in posession of all the facts.

On mumsnet, its often the kind of language that is used that makes me think someone is being judgemental.

If someone says "I disagreed with her decision not to return to work, as she and her husband both said that their finances would suffer and they both seemed concerned about this, yet the only reason she stated she didn't want to was that she doesn't like being told what to do" I would say that's having an opinion being in posession of the facts.

If they had said "the lazy cow said she couldn't face going back to work - well, if she wants to sit around dossing about watching Jeremy Kyle and hitting the bottle then that's her fucking funeral" - that's being judgemental because it sounds far fetched, and like there is probably more to it but that the poster is not in posession of those facts.

DuelingFanjo - does that mean you are judging me ?

mummydoit lol.

In my opinion an opinion is when you feel a certain way about a subject based on your experiences but are able to view it from anothers perspective without name calling or looking down on someone else. You can say you "feel" a certain way about something.

A judgement is when you negatively perceive someone else as a result of your life experiences or perceptions without being able to consider thier feelings at all.

Judgemental is when you make a value judgement based on partial facts and purely personal experience. Conflating 'I could never have left my newborn' to 'surely she can't leave her newborn?' to 'it's so wrong that she leaves her newborn'.

Judgemental is when you don't allow for there being any other factors at play and you make a decision based on limited facts because in your world that's what happens. It's saying 'this is wrong'

Having on opinion is saying that you personally don't agree, or that you would do this/that/t'other. It's saying 'I think this is wrong' or 'I wouldn't do that'.

Unfortunately on a site as fast paced as MN a lot of posters are merely expressing an opinion but do it in a way which is perceived as being very judgemental, particularly in AIBU where the reply can quite simply be 'YABU' without any expansion.

It's one of those irregular verbs innit:

I have considered opinions

You are being controversial

She's a judgey cow

BrightLightBrightLight has it.

D

In MN context, OP has a situation - asks for different opinions. People give their opinion, based on their experience. Random person then attacks that opinion because it's not the same as their own opinion - that's where it gets judgmental for me.

I get shouted down all the time because I have opinions, never expect all people to agree with me but on here it's like a school playground, maybe because I am not expressing myself as others wish, but sometimes feels like I am being bullied and that I should not have an opinion about factual matters, also some post when they don't have a clue.

participate,join in and dont personalise it.at end of day log off and switch off.

I like replies with IMO or IME, I generally don't read posts that say - thats wrong because x,y,z.

Purely because an OP may be the short version asking opinions on a part of a situation. When people judge and OP gives more information they get accused of AIBU by stealth

scotishmummy is spot on (imo!!!)

Ooo, I joined 4 weeks ago, got into a terrible row with another MNer on day 2, she/he started getting really personally offensive,purely cos my opinion was based on my own experiences, rather then scientific evidence..Was feeling particularly sensitive that day,so i nearly left, but changed name instead,..

funny thing is haven't seen the MNers' name since.. So reckon she did too!! ..Fair play!

Glad i stayed..

Be honest in your opinions even if others are offended or disagree, I get a fair bit of crap but who cares.

You will find you get snooty replies to fair questions.

Question, in a world of dwindling rescources and population growth are two kids enough.

First reply (and I paraphrse) who the fuck are you to tell me how many kids to have.

Ha Ha Hee.. Yes thats it exactly newwave
It's hilarious!..

this thread has interested me. I too have just joined MN and have tailed through a few post and added my tuppens worth.

I have litterly just got caughted up in a hostile thread...mostly stared my myself and based on something I said that others took offence to. I used some humour but did also ask a genuine question amist itthat I was actualy interested in the answer to.

actualy thought if you dont like my joke too bad!! however in RL I know there are certain jokes you can and cant make with some people and a simple look mate i dont apprecite that would be far more productive than just taking umbrige. and yep that does work both ways I understand that.

But in answer to my question got told actualy I cant be arsed to tell you but was told not to judge something I did not understand? so I mocked a little more I understand this not productive to the person who started the thread!! however I also see people asking AMIU etc etc and when told yes in fact you are they get very defensive and take what people are saying out of context quite dramaticly. I think at times people do find it hard to accept critism

I think with so many people on line there are bound to be hostilities and that is human nature.

im laughing out loud now