Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Judgmental vs having an opinion?

66 replies

lilystyles · 11/10/2010 16:19

I am new to mumsnet (joined yesterday) and have found on talk there are a lot of women getting shouted down and accusations flying around of posters being 'judgemental' and 'generalising' Hmm.
I am curious about when having an opinion crosses the line into being being judgmental? Another question, when does coming to a personal conclusion based on your own experiences become generalising? Thanks Smile

OP posts:
MrsC2010 · 11/10/2010 20:22

To me the difference is:

'I think sending a child to bed with no bedtime story is wrong.' = Opinion.

'I think she is a slovenly mother who probably feeds them MaccyDs and fruit shoots all day while smoking fags and drinking White Lightning because she sends her child to bed with no bedtime story'. = Judgemental.

scottishmummy · 11/10/2010 20:25

LOL the readiness to assume a bleedin heart sob story for fact some folks have parenting skills of a fish finger

best threads are the straight funny ones.not the princess tippy toes oh dont disagree with widdle me

auntloretta · 11/10/2010 20:26

but at times the i think sending a child to bed with no bed time story is wrong

gets such responses like Oh so now you are saying im a child beating witch who sticks children in my bigmac and eats them for lunch

DirtyMartini · 11/10/2010 20:26

Oh yeah tsc

OP: "I saw a woman drag her tiny dd onto a bus by the hair, push her and call her a shithead" Shock

Others: "How dare you make assumptions, have you never had a bad day yourself? Personally I would have tried to chat with them and defuse the situation "

OrmRenewed · 11/10/2010 20:30

But life is not simplistic is it? Maybe I've had to many days when I don the mantle of stressed screaming harridan to judge others too much Hmm

auntloretta · 11/10/2010 20:31

I think the moral of the story is to try not be so personaly affected by what OP express as opinion or even judgment...is it not a more colourfull world to listen to reasonable judgment and filter those that you do not care for or just simply have a laugh at times.

Mumcentreplus · 11/10/2010 20:34

Hmm..you what they say about opinions..Grin..and judgement only matters if there's a sentence involved..

newwave · 11/10/2010 20:39

To be very very crude

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one but some are more full of crap than others.

scottishmummy · 11/10/2010 20:45

haha

auntloretta · 11/10/2010 20:50

I think scottishmummy has a point.

I have noticed a couple of AIBU to....with a story that makes you think there is more to this, then low and behold 19999 post down the road some details are being retracted, changed and down right froosted over amist some of the backlash or questioning.

newwave · 11/10/2010 20:55

auntl, this is because some people do not have the strength of their convictions and will "crumble" under the verbal assault.

auntloretta · 11/10/2010 21:02

yeah that could be very true and maybe very unpleasent for that person but I am of the opinion if you are going to ask for opinion then be prepared for some berating because not eveyone is going to tell you what you want to hear and that too is a good thing. because if you cant that comes across as being very over sensitive and precious.

Mumcentreplus · 11/10/2010 21:15

but people are also afraid of being judged..so they may back-track or crumble out of fear..

Mumcentreplus · 11/10/2010 21:16

Well not everyone will agree with you..that's standard

scottishmummy · 11/10/2010 21:17

if so perhaps dont invite strangers to opine

auntloretta · 11/10/2010 21:24

that sounds like an excusse for getting uppity because most of the posts on here looking for opinion dont come across as being timid and fearfull of doing the right thing one or two with exception...alot of them seem to be Im right i know im right please someone just tell me i am right so i can for example...say to Dh see you are an ase for going aginst the grain, but at times someone may need to be told wait a moment look at the bigger picture here and find some clarity

Portofino · 11/10/2010 21:24

True SM - none of us are FORCED to come on to the big bad WWW and post our innermost feelings. Shock horror - there are people out there who DON'T agree with you!

scattermummy · 11/10/2010 21:24

duelindfanjo,i judge you for noticing that op had 2 other posts that you found judgemental. you must spend lots of time on here while leaving your kids eating crisps in front of tracy beaker.i barely ratain such details

Mumcentreplus · 11/10/2010 21:24

true but people do love a good ole opinion...you know I have been asked by strangers what I think of their dress,hair,glasses,hats etc etc..people love and opinion...they just dont like insenitive,blunt,rude or ones completely opposite to their own..unless seasoned Wink

Portofino · 11/10/2010 21:28

I do know it can be scary though. I once posted a very contraversial response on a thread. I had MNetters on FB and in RL, saying they agreed with me totally or at least "understood where I was coming from". On that thread, I was ON MY OWN!

So the balance of probabilities tells me that others DID share my opinion (ie I am not a total unempathic fuckwit), but no way on earth were they posting on that thread to say so.

scottishmummy · 11/10/2010 21:30

keywords being opinion "opposite to own" some folk just want affirmation and get seriously humphy if not forthcoming

i like the ones who do a shout out to their crew when agreed wiv.high five to my-mil-is-an-ole-trout team and piss off name and shame to anyone who disagreed

Mumcentreplus · 11/10/2010 21:31

I'm sure thats true porto but some people don't have the hairy ones to admit it..they hate to be judged in RL or online...personally I couldn't give a shit..but I also understand others who do..

Mumcentreplus · 11/10/2010 21:34

ooh I love the 'lone rangers'..'my opinion is my own and if you happen to agree with me that doesn't mean I like you or we are friends or that i will ever ever talk to you on a level or ever ok!' ...because I'm a loner...Grin

auntloretta · 11/10/2010 21:35

ha ha well at least you get to kill the thread and get the last word...im enjoying how the restaurant thread is progressing because it is a very contentiouse issue bound to stir up so many different experiences opinions and feelings. it is a RL dilema and something all parents and dinners and workers are faced with, and from what I have read on it some peole may change their behaviour wether eating out with children, eating out without children or manging and this as a result of it did get heated and personal or down right rude at times and that is the nature of an honest open debate

Shelly32 · 11/10/2010 21:36

Auntloretta, got into same kind of situation as you and bit back hard and mocked the bully. In a way i wish i hadn't but was feeling quite stifled by the negativity to my opinion and i don't put up with that kind of thing. I then realised i was being as ridiculous as her/him and cheered myself up by getting off MN and playing with my dc. This is a talk site but there are lots out there who don't want to hear what you have to say if it doesn't conform to what they think unfortunately.