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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder why more couples wtih children dont "share" lie-ins on the weekend?

96 replies

TattyDevine · 10/10/2010 17:28

Okay so obviously some people work on the weekend or have sports things etc but those potential hurdles aside, I'm amazed that so many couples with children dont have a scenario where one person gets to lie-in on a Saturday, and then the other half of the couple gets to lie in on a Sunday.

You see so many disgruntled-wife (usually anyway) scenarios on this board on the weekend about lazy good for nothing DH's who lie in till the afternoon and how unfair it is etc etc but really, it seems so simple to me - there are 2 people in a couple and 2 lie-ins up for grabs on the weekend.

Breastfeeding, work, sports team type stuff aside, why dont more couples pull together and give each other the opportunity to catch up on any sleep defecit once a week? Even if its just till 9am or something - AIBU to think there should be a pre-drafted contract that comes with your child benefit claim form for you to sign and get witnessed that guarantees you do this one thing for each other?! If you dont share lie-ins, why not? What's his/her excuse?

OP posts:

DwayneDibbley · 10/10/2010 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Katerlina · 10/10/2010 21:56

My DP does do one morning out of the four he has at home (I'm SAHM he works three days a week) but it is definitely an accepted thing in our little family that he is NOT a morning person. This is in contrast to his otherwise pretty summy disposition.

He also does do a fair bit of childcare of DS once he does get up (usually by midday!) - particularly now I am feeling nauseous and knackered carrying second child.

I've always been more of a morning girl anyway - and hey, isn't that what Pixar films were made for? I can watch Toy Story a thousand times if it means I don't have to play with the megablocks til 10 o'clock.

Agree with the poster who mentions the rest of the morning chores though - DP generally ignores all that in favour of the megablocks!

WilfShelf · 10/10/2010 21:57

We do. But lately we have been bribing paying the 11yo to get the two younger ones breakfast and stop them killing each other for an hour or two. Lovely.

nemofish · 10/10/2010 21:57

Me and dh have always shared, even down to bathtimes, story times and getting up with dd.

Though I have some health ishoos which mean atm he is getting up a bit more than me...

I think our set up isn't the norm though.

ElusiveMoose · 10/10/2010 21:57

Agree with nameymcnamechange. Not really bothered about lie-ins (even with a 6 week old DS2 who's still having night feeds!). DH and I are both morning people, so we'd much rather get up and do stuff when DS1 wakes up (usu between 6.30 and 7). Even when we went for a child-free weekend away we were still up by 8am to go sight-seeing .

Ragwort · 10/10/2010 22:02

I'm a morning person too so lie-ins don't worry me - I'd much rather DH does the bedtime routine (which he usually does ).

CaurnieBred · 10/10/2010 22:12

We have been sharing weekends since I stopped BF when DD(5) was 6 months old. i do Saturday mornings and he does Sunday morning - after all, that is why Match of the Day is repeated on Sunday mornings!

nikki1978 · 10/10/2010 22:28

We dont really do it and I don't think it is weird if you don't to be honest

I just don't really like lying around in bed anymore. If I wanted to lie in DH would happily let me (if I am hungover for example he knows to let me be for a bit ) but I like to get up and enjoy the day.

DH often lies in but I don't mind. I will often give the kids breakfast, put on tv and go back upstairs for a cuddle and a chat. He only lies in for about an hour so it makes no real odds to me. Once up DH gets the kids dressed, tidies up with me etc etc so I am pretty happy with my lot

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/10/2010 09:42

I get all the lie-ins in this house, but DH is a morning person and springs awake at 7am every morning without fail, except when we are at my parents house where he switches off entirely and sleeps like a log - v.weird!

I hate mornings, so he brings me tea in bed every day, often accompanied by toast, before he goes to work/disappears into home office.
At the weekends if we aren't going anywhere, he takes DS downstairs and gets him started with breakfast etc while I have another hour.

Normally DH is asleep before me, but I'm pregnant with DC2 so I'm in bed before him at the moment - need 9 hours a night just to function

I am lucky, but then he isn't bothered about a lie in and only needs 6-7 hours sleep a night.

thedollshouse · 11/10/2010 09:51

Neither of us have lie-ins at the weekend. We could both do with it but I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew that everyone else was up.

upahill · 11/10/2010 10:30

I'm not sure why this is an AIBU rather than chat.
However I have the lie in. Everday.

On a weekd ay DH gets up and sorts the breakfast and the kids lunch. Then eventually I get up.

If I'm not working at the weekend I like to snuggle in the quilt by myself for a while and DH brings my breakfast and brew up.

On the odd occasion if I have pushed my luck and stayed in bed forever he may jokingly shout 'Lazy trout!!!' (it's an old joke that goes back 20 years)

APixieInMyTea · 11/10/2010 10:47

We both have early mornings during the week, with me having a newborn and toddler and Dp working away Monday to Friday so we do take turns at Lie-Ins too.

Or as much as we can now I have a newborn.

He lie's in on Saturday and I get up and do what I usually would.

I lie-in on Sunday and he gets up and sorts out toddler leaving me in bed with the baby who is usually asleep at this time anyway.

Our lie in's never go past 9.00am though otherwise we just feel we waste a whole day.

YANBU though, it's only fair to share I that's what the wife/husband wants.

ragged · 11/10/2010 11:14

YANBU... but it's complicated in some households (Sigh).
DH doesn't understand lie-ins. In his family it would be seen as extremely bad manners -- maybe you could get away with it if you were deathly ill.

Otherwise mealtimes are sacrosanct and nobody allowed to just sleep in and wander down from breakfast at unspecified time later. The kitchen closes for breakfast by 8:30-9am, really.

DH insists that he can't lie in (he can and even does sometimes, but he can't get over his inhibitions that it's somehow morally wrong, so he won't relax and let himself really go for it).

So by extension,... he doesn't get how to enable me to have a lie-in. Or rather, he can't keep the children from making so much noise that it's impossible for me to sleep thru it for long, anyway.And that's without demanding DC who only want Mom and are willing to scream blue murder about it.

Beveridge · 11/10/2010 11:36

Turn about here, usually me left in bed on a Saturday and DH on a Sunday.

(Sometimes followed by a 'tag-team' return to bed by the first one up if we're in the middle of a horrendous teething/illness phase and nobody's had a decent night's sleep all week).

I have to tell DH off for leaving me to sleep till mid-morning as he doesn't seem to understand that when I say "come and get me in an hour", I actually mean it!

DH and I took it to new levels on a recent week away to visit family when we went turn about on double lie-ins. It was great as it meant that you felt more like staying up late drinking wine and chatting when you'd had a lie-in that day but you could relax and enjoy it more as you knew you still weren't getting up the next morning - tremendous!

Would be if I had a DP who didn't automatically do turn about...

FindingMyMojo · 11/10/2010 11:40

we tend to do this - it makes sense. However DP loves a big lie in, but I just like to get to 8.30 or so, so often he'll get up 7 - 8.30, then I get up & he goes back to bed till whenever. I think he lies in too much though & should be going to bed earlier so he has more time to spend with his family in the weekend.
But it works out fine & I love my mornings with DD, plus sometimes I'll get 2 line-ins till 8.30 so can't complain.

Crazycatlady · 11/10/2010 11:47

We don't share lie-ins. I don't really get the 'my lie in day/your lie in day' thing. Unless you've literally been up ALL night working/tending to children I can't see how slothing in bed anytime past about 8am is even enjoyable. It's LIGHT outside and therefore daytime and I intend to get out and enjoy it with my family.

Having no family time Mon-Fri bar the odd 20 minutes rushing about in the morning, or the rare occurence we're all home for bath/bedtime, every hour at the weekend is precious and we want to spend it together as much as possible. If one person is lying in bed, the day can't really begin.

Plus DD would never stand for it. If one parent is up and the other not quite, she comes marching upstairs and ushers them out of bed, loudly...

If one/both of us is tired we go to bed early (added benefits there ) or take a lunchtime nap while DD is napping.

Beveridge · 11/10/2010 12:21

Hmm. 8 am IS a lie-in when your DD is up and grooving at 6am...

Crazycatlady · 11/10/2010 13:42

Totally agree Beveridge. Last time I was still in bed at 8am was when we were on holiday and there was a telly in the bedroom so DD sat transfixed by teletubbies

nancydrewrocked · 11/10/2010 13:50

DH rarely needs a lie in unless very hungover so mostly he gets up and I lie in although these days with a 4 & 5 year old we both lie in and let the children entertain themselves

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/10/2010 14:13

Yes when I say lie-in, the latest I get up is 9am.

DS is 2, and has an 8.30 bedtime so his normal waking up time is 8am. DH brings me tea when he leaves for work at 7.30 and then I get half an hour of peace and quiet in bed with my cuppa before DS wakes up.

hillyhilly · 11/10/2010 14:27

We tend to both get up together when DS becomes impossible to ignore any longer!
If one of us has the need for a lie in, the other will usually spring out of bed and hustle the kids downstairs (without negotiation).
I too, dislike the my turn, your turn mentality, I much prefer that we each show consideration to each others needs - I do know that sounds a but airy fairy and perfect and it doesn't always work, there certainly have been times when we've grabbed the duvet and insisted it our "turn" but generally a little consideration goes a very long way and our weekends are for spending time together as a family which we can't do until everyone is out of bed!

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