to think this is a strange thing for a teacher to say to a five year old?

[hellymelly]

quite long,sorry,but need to give the background-DD had a horrible Summer hol worrying about going back to school,as on the induction day for her new year one class,she took a dislike to the teacher and spent the whole holiday upset and scared about going back to school.Thanks to the (lovely) head we had a meeting between DD and the new teacher the day before school started,the teacher was lovely to DD and all seemed resolved, certainly DD from then on has been very happy with her teacher,but otherwise generally upset in the class and crying in the mornings,crying at bedtimes and weekends etc.We had another meeting with the head,and her form teacher,and they have helped with some of the things that DD was getting most stressed about (lunchtimes etc).However,we have held off mentioning to the head that DD doesn't like the assistant teacher,who she says is very "grumpy"and is quite scared of.(I did mention it briefly to her teacher)We hoped that as they got to know each other better DD would not mind her so much,but on several occasions she seems quite bullying and unkind towards DD,and to some of the other children,(many of whom seem to feel the same as DD about her).Anyway we were in with the head yesterday at end of day,talking over the progress and planning how to continue,the meeting ran slightly over picking up time,and when I realised I went straight to DD's class.She was sitting on the floor on her own looking very upset,(the AT and a helper in the room)I assumed it was because she had been waiting for us to pick her up, but when we got home she said "Mrs X told me that I shouldn't be crying (she wanted to come to me)she said I am lucky to have a Mummy and a Daddy,and that she hasn't got a Mummy and Daddy.I asked her why not,and she said that they had died a long time ago".DD took this to mean that they had died when Mrs X was a little girl,(I have no idea when they died.Mrs X is in her 30's I would say)and she was very upset.She said that maybe that was why Mrs X is so grumpy,and she also seemed worried that someones Mummy and Daddy could die.Is this not a really strange thing to say to a five year old? We have had a few better days with DD recently and her teacher and the head have been really trying to help her settle into full time school,but now this!What do you think,and what would you do?

I think a five year old is unlikely to really provide the relevant context or background to this comment and I would just forget about it for now. Try not to worry I am sure the rest of the time she is professional and appropriate.

Thanks very much everyone for all the messages,it has been helpful to read other parents' take on this.I feel that if it had been a completely isolated unfortunate comment by an otherwise kindly person then it might not have got to me so much,but my child is five,she is in a vulnerable position,and each week just as she really seems to be gaining in confidence about the new situation,the TA says something that puts her back,while all the others around her are doing their level best to help.today she came out saying she had a lovely morning,but a horrible afternoon-her teacher was away this afternoon and the TA was in charge.The tA is just quite petty and mean with the children,rather than kind ,generous and magnanimous like her previous teacher and TA.Even though her current teacher is older and more old-fashioned (e.g. stricter) than the reception teacher,all the children who have gone and left her care (which includes many of the parents)think she is lovely,because she is fair and kind.But the TA is really disliked by the children,even my neighbours 9 year old is afraid of her. at best maybe she is over-assertive because she feels insecure in her position?
I do see that there are petty and unkind people everywhere, and so learning to deal with them is part of life,but I don't feel my DD is in the best place to be doing this now,and I think that when someone is after all acting in loco parentis then it is not unreasonable to expect kindness and also the ability to hold back on comments where they might be upsetting or unhelpful.After all its certainly not a comforting thing to say,however you look at it.My DD ended up really worrying about the TA which i think is completely wrong.
anyway I think we are leaving it for now,but will probably mention the comment to the head at our next meeting,as almost all the teaching staff on this thread have said that would be the right thing to do.thankyou again everyone.

I've read the thread since I posted and I understand more helly where your coming from I think.

I'm guessing that as an isolated incident it would have washed over you, but as the school have been so great with your DD, and this TA has aome across crass at other times it's more the situation than the incident??

Hope your DD settles in more over the coming weeks.

Thanks mumbar.yes you are right,I think as an isolated incident I would have thought it quite an insensitive thing to say,but I would have left it and put it in the context of,for instance the persons otherwise kind behaviour,and assumed it was well meant.But as there have been lost of other less ott but still noticable incidents where the TA has been rather bullying when talking to DD then I suspect it wasn't all that well meant,or that she didn't either think or care much about how her comments might go down with a sobbing five year old.And this is particularly frustrating given how great the school has been,they have been really impressive in fact,very thoughtful and helpful.DD does seem on an upward trend generally,at least there have been more good days than bad days over the past week so fingers crossed!

Have also thought I should have posted in primary education rather than AUBU?,it would probably have been more appropriate.

you could still do that - copy and paste original OP.