Stuff that's supposed to happen to parents that didn't happen to you

[HeathcliffMoorland]

You know the kind of thing...

I experienced most of it, but some of it just hasn't happened. I'm wondering if I'm alone in this!

I did feel the rush of love, and for me it was instant. I would do anything for my children. I tolerate child-related tasks for mine better than I would for the children of others. I do think mine are uniquely funny and charming!

BUT, I don't love them more than DH. I don't see the world in a different light through their eyes - as in, their interest in the washing machine doesn't thrill me any more than DH's love for rugby does. When they learn something new, it doesn't excite me, but I do feel relieved.

Anyone else experienced anything similar, or AIB completely U?

Do you mind me asking whether that has changed as your DDs have grown older mumeeee?

I think I mean is there more space for your DH now your DC are less vulnerable, not that you love them less, but you can now have a different relationship with your DH when it's just you and him?

I've still got one at home. Yes I suppose y relantionship with DH has become a bit differnt as the children have got older. When our children were younger we did try and spend sometime just with each other. Now of course DH and I have much more time to spend with each other.

The way i love my dh is so different to the way i love my children so i couldn't compare the two. I love my children with an over protective, admiring, loving, nurturing kind of love. I love them so much i don't get screamish when covered in their poo or sick.

i love my dh, he is my soulmate and complete equal, i cherish him, but if i got his poo on my hand, not sure how i'd feel to be honest!!!!

That aside, i am not an earth mother, i enjoy baking but dread the mess and so on..

i didn't have the rush of love with my dd1, i think 1st time moms are so overwhelmed by everything, with dd2 i didn't put her down... iam paying for that now!!

rdmommy the poo comparison is spot on!

I don't think of my children as a part of me, but then they are very obviously not. I can see characteristics that we share, I love them very much and I am often very proud of them, but they are their own people. Perhaps this is because they are 10 and 11 now and starting to have really quite independent lives.

I'm not so sure about the whole unconditional love bit. I think it is perfectly possible to love and really dislike someone at the same time - my mother and I certainly felt that way about each other for quite a while.

I felt more of a rush of love for ds than for dd, but then the circumstances were different. I do like showing them both off :)

I didn't do the guilt thing when I went back to work, and never have really. I feel guilty for things that I have done/not done which I felt were important (arriving late for one of dd's performances because I faffed around at work and missed the train for example) but working is something I need to do, and I know that I'm a better weekend than every day mum IYSWIM

My mum told me when I was pregnant that I'd have to wear sensible shoes and get a mac with a hood. Neither of these have turned out to be true, I have carried on tottering around and getting damp because I forgot my umbrella; I don't think becoming a mum has erased my previous personality much at all.

I am still quite selfish, and when people say things like 'the purpose of my life is my children' and 'my children give my life meaning' I think, well, yeah, up to a point, but actually, I've got other purposes too.

Rush of love didn't happen with dd1.
Running out in the road/not coming back didn't happen with dd1.
Their learning does excite me possibly because they learn at an unusual rate!
I do love them equally to DH and would give my organs as a donor for any of them
Terrible two's and not understanding 'no' seems to have passed by? [confused} with dd1 but we have with dd2.

My mum always told me I would get a huge rush of love as soon as I held DS, so when I didn't, as was in utter shock from the pain and just desperate for a shower and a cup of tea, I was a bit worried - I loved him, but it was a slow burn towards the "rush" of love when I looked at him.
I also don't have the "instinct" that everyone talks about: "Oh, just follow your instincts"... I don't have any!! He is eight months and I feel like we are just bumbling along and hoping for the best.
And I love him and my DP equally, both of them with all of my being.

didnt get that rush of love for DS, when he was born, i was just in a state of confusion, didn't know what to think.

Putting forward another scenario. Would you give you life so that the person you loved would live? Think rushing trains or sinking boats.

I would for DS, but everyone else I love (including DH would have to fend for themselves.

Yes, I would.

For DH, for the children, for certain friends, for my sister, my mum and dad.

Sisters