private/state/faith - what would you ddo

[mumtryingtodotherightthing]

Hi all

(name changed to protect the innocent ie me)

I am wrestling with a dilemma and would love to get some outside opinions.

So, I live in Hackney, have done for 12 years. I have one son, a normal, lovely little boy. he is due to start primary in September.

Some friends had moved out of our area when they had kids, citing the schools. I always thought, what rubbish, the schools are fine, I will stay. I always felt that I kept faith with an area which has had bad press, and I wanted to stay as this was where I'd chosen to have my home and I would live there.

There is a lovely local school, which most of the children in out street go to. I (probably naively,) thought that my son would go there.

Unfortunately, in the last couple of years the area has become quite trendy, and people have started moving here to have families, taking advantage of the lower cost housing.

Now the school where I had always intended to send my son has shrunk its catchment are from 1km to 253m. We live 700m away.

There is a Catholic school nearby. This doesn't seem to have a catchment area as all the admissions were faith based (according to the LA prospectus thing I picked up from hackney Council)

There are two schools which are so bad they have enormous catchment areas. One was in the local paper recently as there was a gang trying to recruit the older children to sell cannabis. Its also a pretty bad school academically.

The other is safe but generally rubbish, getting 4 on all the OFSTED reports with loads of children leaving at age 7 to go private or leaving the area. The quality of the teaching was really panned by OFSTED.

So - based on the fact that I want to do the right thing, be true to the area I have chosen to be my home and love, and want to ensure that my son goes to a school he thrives in as any decision must take him into account: what would you do (some of these are obviously not but are what I know other families in the area are doing...)

1. lie about where you live using mail drop , grannies address etc

1. move house for a year to get closer to the school

1. lie about religion, get son baptised even though I really have no truck with Catholicism, send son to a staunchly, overtly Catholic school where he will effectively have to brought up as a practicing Catholic.

1. send son to drug recruiter school

1. send son to rubbish school, know that he will not get good education there, top up with tutors

1. go private to local prep which has a great rep and has a nice multiracial mix reflective of the area

1. move to another part of London, or to the country

(I'll post in education as well, but fancied a bit of brutal honesty)

1. not an option they are wise to this you have to prove your assress

1. again they are wise to people moving temporarily so you would have to move for a reasonable period

1. not an option, it would be almost impossible to get your sun baptised if you are not catholic, it is not a religion they tend to accept people convering to

1. NO

1. NO

1. maybe - can you afford this

1. maybe

What about sending him private initially and staying on the waiting list of the school you like and moving him there as soon as you get a place which may not be for a few years....an acquaintance who used to be a primary deputy head told me the turnover in the first year is high and she was planning to educate her son at home for a term or so if he didn't get a place initially.

sorry about all the spelling mistakes...

Oooh, tough one, sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place there. I would first exclude any alternative that depends on lying, seriously it can't do anyone any good. Then have a look at "rubbish school" to make sure it really is as bad as you think/they haven't suddenly seen the light etc. If this is ruled out, then use family circumstances to decide between move and private. You can only do the best you can do.

In your situation, I'd move.

actually 3) Catholics love people to convert. But you would need to actually convert as in DCs attending mass and taking instruction before christening

i'd say local private prep. Which school would that be? I have a cousin looking for one not far from hackney

Do you wish to continue living in Hackney? Not sure what the area is like now but I used to live there about 18 years ago, when I had a two-year-old and was pregnant with the next one. I didn't find the surroundings conducive to the type of upbringing I wanted for my children. My solution was to move the hell away to the country and to an area with good schools.

However, if you want to bring your children up there, then perhaps they need to go to one of these local schools so they don't feel like fish out of water when they go out and about. Perhaps you could join the school committee or PTA or local groups so you can have an influence on what is available for children in that area?

I would either move or go private if you could afford it and believe in that system.
Schools are wise to address lies, temp moves and the queue of people wanting to join the catholic church is a mile long.

Yeah, sorry, the short answer to the question "what would you do?" is - I'd move, not temporarily, but properly.

1. Don't send him to school at all? Or at least keep him home until he gets a place?

As someone has said turn over in first year can be quite high. So may not have to be for long.
Not local but I think there is an active home education scene in that area, so you should be able to access support.

Also remember compulsory education age isn't until the term after their 5th birthday. Depending on when his birthday is it may be possible to remain at preschool (if they are willing)for a term or so while you wait for a place.

Why is option 2 only for a year?

Is it because the area near the school is more expensive so you'd not be able to move there for more than a year?

The options I would consider would be:

2 (but permanent move, if I could afford it)
6 (if I could afford it)
7

Maybe call some of your ex neighbours who moved out and find out where they moved to?

No to Catholic school, you would only be teaching your child it's OK to lie to get what they want.

We used to live in Hney, so feel your pain. Moved slightly further out, not because of schools per se, but to afford more room for expanding family.

Our deeply ordinary local primary - same social mix, same stresses as Hney schools - is doing our DS1 (6) proud. OK, so he can't do trigonometry like his friends who've gone private, but he is flourishing under committed teachers.

I feel quite political/tearful about this whole business. Do examine the Rubbish School verrry closely, and see why they are failing. Is there any whiff of a change - new head? New teachers coming in? More parents like you wanting to send their kids there but scared to? Consider it hard. Form a possee.

It sounds, though, like you are erring towards local private option, which means you can afford it. Might end up suiting your family's needs best - no upheaval, local kids to play with.

Bear in mind too that come secondary, this angst all happens again. If you have any desire to leave London, move now, to somewhere with good secondaries as by then the school that begins with M will be so oversubscribed you will have to live inside it to get in.

You won't get into the Catholic school unless it's undersubscribed. If you turn up at the church with obviously no background in Catholicism (and yes, it will be obvious) trailing a child due to start school next September they will see you coming a mile off.

It's not that easy to fake Catholicism. They won't baptise your child unless you have a track record in attending Mass, and attend a baptism preparation course. These are only held a few times a year, and get filled up with people who booked when they were pg. And in any case most of the Catholic schools are not significantly less rough than many of the other local options, though they will have a different ethos.

So 3 is not an option.

As to the rest -- depends which schools you're talking about, specifically. There are quite a few Hackneyites here, so if you name the schools people will probably be able to tell you whether they are better/worse/live up to their reputation. Some are great, some less so. FWIW there aren't many Hackney primary schools that I definitely wouldn't send a child to. Secondary is more complex, obv.

If the prep you're thinking of is GH school, I wouldn't bother tbh. You need to give more info if you want useful answers. And remember that other people's priorities will not nec be the same as yours anyway.

Can I just say
My post reads completely the opposite of what I was trying to say ...
I meant regarding option 3... not a good idea because whilst catholics would want a genuine convert you actually have to convert..
But it read as if I was suggesting 3. Which I wasn't.
Because that would be stupid
and

not sure I can give more info as some of our neighbours are cheating the system and I don't want to give enough info to get them identified.pretty f*cked off with them though.

my main issue is that I really really don't want to move. it was something I promised myself, I thought when all these other buggers were leaving saying the nice normal school wasn't good enough for they should stay and stick things out.

Now I'm in that position, and (luckily/unluckily) enough parents stayed and stuck things out so that the nice normal school is heavily oversubscribed.

if the other school was nice and normal I'd be delighted, but its really bad - OFSTED was pretty damning, but it has got an emergency measure new head. can I take that risk? no one else he knows will go there as the others in the street have moved, are lying, are getting in on siblings places and are smarter than me and have seen the way the wind is blowing and have being gong to mass for the last two years.

ps - I can say I'm in Victoria Park...

I'm actually considering private - I'd never thought I'd say that but it actually feels like the most honest option.

Option 7. I have never regretted moving away from Hackney (well Stoke Newington) and my daughters have had the most wonderful primary and secondary (grammar) education I could have wished for and far better than my own (private) one.

Go private if you can afford it. IMHO (and as a result of very unhappy experience as the parent of state school attending DC) it would be my FIRST option if I could.

Otherwise move, turn Catholic/Jewish/Jane/Mormon whatever, lie , do what you need to.

PS again, just my opinion, but any parent who is willing to sacrifice their DC's academic, social or moral education on a political altar because they have an ethical issue with independent school is failing their child. Hence, go private, home ed, lie, convert, do what you have to do.

so, option 1 - move, and f*ck off Hackney and my volunteering on the neighborhood committee, helping run the local big eat street party, trying to make the better area for everyone, plus potentially put other families in the position I am in now in a few years as I drive up the area and get close to a good schools catchment area

option 2 - private, bit of a reversal to my previous position on private

option 3 - take a big gamble on crap school

its one or two, isn't it?

This is really the worst decision I have had to make, as whatever I do is gambling with son or doing something whcih doesn't sit with how I've tried to live my life.

Or do I just say, feck it, I can afford private, and if I see any posts on here saying how selfish those who go to private schools are (one does tend to read such posts on here from time to time)or get grief from people , know in my hear that it was the most honest of the options I have on offer?

Valhalla, thanks, nicely said, kind of what I'm doing, isn't it?

6 if you can afford it and apply for the hard to get into school just in case you get it.

If I could afford it, in your situation I'd go private, without a doubt.

If money was an issue then I'd move.

It is. TBH I wish I had your dilemma. Mine is far more limited and thus considerably worse. Fancy flinging the price of independent education this way?! :o

I take it that like me you're a lone parent? See, I tend to think that there is in such cases only one person who REALLY, REALLY cares 101% about a lone parent's DC, who REALLY REALLY knows them and who REALLY REALLY wants the best for them, regardless of others' jealous spite or bleeding heart liberalism opinions.

Good luck. :)

Just one thing that springs to mind, it may be worth having a look at the school that had a 4 for its ofsted - there would be measures put in place for improvements. What is the catchment like? My dc's school had a lukewarm ofsted report (they are looking at the points raised) but it a lovely school and they are doing well.