Have 2 DSs and love them to death! DS1 is 2.7 and DS2 is 11 months old. It's been hard work having two so close in age; DS2 suffers from reflux (still does and only now going on medication...) but they are entirely gorgeous and scrumptious and I know how lucky I am that they are both healthy. My family is overseas so no help from there. In-laws are very hands-on when available but on their terms (fair enough, they have their own lives) so help is fairly spaced out - we go visit overnight for one weekend every six weeks and they will pop up for the day now and then so we see them every 3 weeks or so. Have a friend who helps babysit once a month so DH and I could go out for dinner / night out.
But our relationship has suffered in the last few years with the kids' arrival. I feel really stretched thin, DH took on a more demanding job when DS1 arrived and things have really kicked off (in a good way) for him there, so at the end of the day, we are both knackered. But we do love each other but sometimes, it's just hard to get back to the way things were (not sure if that is entirely realistic anyway!). And of course, we both adore the children. We just don't have 'us' time anymore. He works very hard for us and I know that. Before I get attacked for wanting to have a 'child-free' holiday, we have gone on plenty of overseas trips and the kids always come with us and they are very well-travelled for their ages. DH also knows that I love our family and I do a lot at home so he doesn't have to worry about the running of the household as such.
So it's his 30th birthday in a month and I have planned a week-long trip overseas to somewhere he's always wanted to go as a surprise. ILs will have the children and I've arranged the time off from his work. I am about to take voluntary redundancy so have some spare cash to spend on this trip. But now the time is getting near and I can't help but think if I am being too selfish in planning a trip like this and leaving the children. I have NO doubt about ILs' caring for our DCs - DS1 loves them to death and vice versa. I think it will be a great bonding experience for them. But god, I feel so bad about leaving DS2 who is a complete mummy's boy! Will my little boy forget about me after a week? :(
But on the other hand, I know deep in my heart that DH and I need this time away to rediscover our relationship. I don't think we are going to split up anytime soon but I can see that if something doesn't change, we are in real danger of that in a few years' time! I would not have organise a trip like that if I didn't feel that DH and I really need it to work on our relationship. My thinking is that: it's better for our DCs to spend a week without their parents than for them to have two unhappy (and separated?) parents in the future iykwim? And they will be with GPs who adore them and vice versa. And I can only afford this because of my redundancy, I doubt I will be organising a trip like that for a while!
If at any point I feel my DCs are not up for the separation, I would cancel the trip in a heartbeat! But I so do want to put DH's and my relationship first for this week but I feel like such a bad mother? AIBU to go on this trip? And would you? Really interested in opinions here. Thanks. :)