To stop DSD from having music lessons

[readywithwellies]

DSD has been to several groups, all of which she hasn't stuck to, the latest being swimming. I paid for swimming lessons (£30 ish) for DSD aged 9 and half way through the second set of 10 lessons, it became 'too difficult' as she was asked to stick her bum in the air to do a butterfly preparation exercise. So she didn't return. Now asking for music lessons at around the same cost, AIBU to say no?

What does she want to learn?
Does she realise it involves daily practise?

I think it depends how much stuff she has given up halfway through. You mention swimming, what else?

I have a friend whose DS tries something new every 3 weeks and she lets him and buys all the kit,signs all the paperwork and pays the terms fees etc etc. A spoilt brat with no work ethic is what she has ended up with.

So YANBU, but maybe try this one thing and make it clear that if she doesn't stick with it - finito.

big foot - I said she had the choice of carrying on swimming after the first 10 lessons. I told her if I paid for them she had to go. She let me spend my money and then stopped going anyway. Spoilt brat is true harsh

Katisha - violin - I have told her she will need to practice every day for at least half an hour. She still wants to do it.

Did she refuse to enter the pool then? or just say she didn't want to go any more?

Mutt - because it was 'too difficult'. If it was my decision, I would drag her there, my ds is on his third set of swimming lessons now. Just wondered if I was being an evil step mother..... or if my dp is too damn soft.

Over - feigned illness the first week then said she didn't want to go the following weeks.

She has also tried Brownies, dance class, gym, breakfast club, after school club, need I go on?

Have you tried asking her school? My DD's school do free music lessons and they do an instrument loan, too - maybe you can say as she hasn't stuck to other hobbies she needs to use a loaner violin for, say, six months.

TBH, I'd make it clear that you won't be spending any more money until the swimming lessons you paid for are over - if she knows she can't 'switch' she might be more inclined to go. But I know how tricky things can be in blended families.

Are there any other activities run at the place where the swimming lessons run? They might be willing to transfer the money if she picks another option...could be a way to compromise. Some kids do go off things quite quickly.

If she can't or won't commit to a weekly activity it's unlikely she will be willing to practice daily.

Is she a reasonably strong swimmer? If not I would try to encourage her to try again. Swimming was the only thing I insisted my 6 DC master. Some of them loved it. The ones that didn't were occasionally dragged to the poolside. In the end even the reluctant swimmers got their 1000 metre badges, and all but 1 DS stayed on to do lifesaving awards.

She might be better doing music tuition with school if they offer it.

I would pay for the music lessons if only so she gets another shot at 'stickability.' Have some suitably dire consequences for giving up.... £30 is a lot of money after all. Playing the violin may not prove to be her life's vocation but learning how to see a job through is important.

I todl the DDs they could only have music lessons when they'd shown commitment by regular recorder practice for a year, remembering by themsleves and getting on wih it. I did reduce the time to 6 months as they were both very dedicated. DD3 wants lessons, but will have to show the same commitment (which isn't happening at the moment, so nor are lessons [evil mean mother].

Tanga - the music lessons are the type you are suggesting. Violin will be on loan. Costing under £30 for a term.
The swimming lessons are over now, was last week but she can't start the music lessons until the form is filled in and money paid.
I just begrudge the money when I think it will be wasted.

notagrannyyet - no she can barely swim. Stage 4 for those of you who know.

OK guys, for those of you suggesting a punishment for not sticking with the music lessons - what punishment would be suitable?

I see how you feel but I sort of agree with brightlight. I'd say the lessons have to be part of her christmas present, and see if she still wants them. If she does then go ahead, and hope that she feels some commitment to them because she contributed.

How old is she?Mine have to see out the lessons already paid for but don't have to carry on .To be honest I think you will find that 10 mins a night is all that is asked when you start a string instrument.

I wouldn't punish her I would just tell her she has to go to the lessons paid for

I'm more of an incentive girl. How about, you fix an amount of money (say about £15, or whatever half the fee is) that she has to save up from her pocket money (if any?) before you will pay the rest? Get her to demonstrate some commitment before you sign up, and make it clear you're asking for this because she hasn't stuck to other things. that's only going to work though if no other parent is going to pony up before she finishes if she whinges. How likely is that?

TBH half an hour a day is a hell of a lot - I'd be amazed if a 9-year-old managed that - it sounds like setting her up to fail. What about a minimum of one line of music a day?? I know it's not a lot but just getting the violin out and looking at the music is a good start.

A friend of mine who teaches violin says the difference between the children who stick at it and the children who don't, is those who join a string group enjoy it and carry on. Ask the teacher you sign up with to recommend one, if there isn't one at school?

Yes 10 mins a day fine. But not if it's 10 mins a week - that would be a waste of money.