To stop DSD from having music lessons

[readywithwellies]

DSD has been to several groups, all of which she hasn't stuck to, the latest being swimming. I paid for swimming lessons (£30 ish) for DSD aged 9 and half way through the second set of 10 lessons, it became 'too difficult' as she was asked to stick her bum in the air to do a butterfly preparation exercise. So she didn't return. Now asking for music lessons at around the same cost, AIBU to say no?

Butterfly at Level 4? Seems a bit extreme. Ds is on Level 3 and is a long way off anything that would lead him to learning butterfly when he gets to the next level.

Suzuki is a style of violin teaching

I must say ready that you sound very angry with her indeed. It might be wise to put the decision about music lessons to one side for the moment, (or let Dp deal with it) and try to sort out things between you at a more general level. I don't think the issue is the lessons. You've said a number of time that DP spoils her, so you have issues with her and with him that you really need to address

Just tell him you won't be the one doing the nagging.

Mutt, that sounds like a plan!

MollieO

But, OP seems to be talking about butterfly, halfway through, presumbaly Level 2!

cumfy she wrote level 4 in the thread. Ds has just started learning breaststroke legs in level 3 so not sure I understand the logic of doing anything with butterfly the next level up.

Fwiw I did the violin at school. I was incredibly dedicated and practised every day but it was incredibly hard work. At least with something like the piano you can play a nice tune pretty easily.

Does she get pocket money? Tell her if she drops the music lessons the missed lessons will come out of her pocket money.

Did this with my kids a couple of times when they were having "don't want to go to X, want to stay here on the sofa watching telly" days, and it worked.

MollieO that was LaRochelle not OP.

It was me. There is a new scheme at ASA swim schools. Butterfly does start at Level Four but it is just the dolphiny/bottom-up bit which the OP's DSD was objecting to, not the full swim.

One example description here:
www.york.gov.uk/leisure/swimming/lessons/swimyork/

Larochelle and cumfy - re butterfly 'tis the current standards, they have to do it to pass Level 4. Tutor wasn't the problem

Tough one.

On the one hand I'd say give in one more time because learning an instrument is a real privilege and if it does go well (despite the fact that that seems unlikely) then your SD will be delighted (and you can milk it for brownie points later on).

On the other hand, I'm wondering, why is this your issue? Why isn't DP dealing with it?

I think the suggestion made by other posters that you give it as a Christmas/birthday present is a good one as it will indicate how committed she actually is. What do you think?

witlesssarah - I am not angry, just because I use the term 'spoilt' does not indicate this. She is spoilt, as are most children now.
I am just tight fisted with my own dcs and wondered whether I am in the minority to refuse things since my dp never does.
We are a newly blended family, my dp would make the final decision (but he will listen to me) and I need to know what dcs are like since mine are younger and I don't have the experience in this area as mine do stick with things

Birthday not for six months

Christmas - form needs filling in this week or place will be lost

Writer - it is dp's issue as well but just wanted a mumsnet consensus

Childhood experience:

Mum: Do you want to try the violin ?
Me: Not really, no.
Mum: You're going to learn violin.

I hated every moment (of 18 months), was thoroughly crap, and resented being forced to do something I knew I wasn't going to like.

I think to a sig degree, childhood is about trying stuff and see what you like.

But I agree with others that this is more to do with general relationship with DSD not DSD being inappropriately fickle/lackadaisical.

OK - my opinion, fwiw, is that I'd sign up for the music lessons, but with lecturing attached.

At 9 children do explore, and drop, things. But I would be reading the riot act about cost, and how she at least has to last out the course.

And there really isn't anything to stop you making it an early Christmas present. though I, personally, think 9 is a bit young for that.

Xpost.

So is it that your DC are not spoilt but DS is ?

ie she's getting an unfair "advantage" ?

Just for comparison, my ds is 12, and a very, very focused young chap, very grounded, very well-behaved.

Poor little thing took something like 7 exams for secondary schools, studied for them, didn't complain, blah, blah, blah.

He's a stick-with-it-er (as you say your dc are).

But he has, over the years, exhibited behaviour just like your dsd's. The latest was clarinet lessons, which it transpired he hadn't even turned up for. And he didn't tell us, and we were paying and renting a clarinet.

They all do it occasionally.

DSDSD

DSD is older, has more of her own mind and has had more opportunities due to lifestyle and available funds. My oldest dc is only 5. Only been living together for a short period, so still learning. So go easy on me.
I could spoil my dcs if I chose to, I just think it isn't good for them and doesn't prepare them for real life when you can't have everything you want.

Anyway, I have just signed the form for the lessons. 10 lessons. DP has agreed she has to practise every other evening for 10 mins before the younger dcs go to bed.
We shall see how it goes.

My DS took up a string instrument age 7. For about 4 years he wouldn't practise. I alternated between nagging and leaving him be, thinking at least he doesn't want to give it up. Age 11 he fell in love with it and within 2 years is now on grade 4. String instruments are hard in the early years so if your DSD does take it up don't be too hard on her if she doesn't practise much, early on it's hard to get them to sound good. I'm of the school of thought to let them try everything and encourage them in the early stages to go through the motions of practising a little (not 30 minutes a day) as they'll see an improvement. My DS regrets now the years he didn't practise but at least he kept it up.

cumfy sorry

If she starts to become a PITA about it (either not wanting to go or not practising) then I would tell her that, it's fine, she doesn't have to - but A) Do not ask for any other classes/lessons etc and B) The money spent on them will come out of her 'Christmas Presents'.

Or just let the over-indulging-spoiling- GP's pay for them :)

I'm definitely of the thinking that it's good to do lots of different things, see what you like and what you don't - but you need to do the whole course of lessons or a 'term' of brownies/tae kwon do/ballet etc.

Swimming is not negotiable.