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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off at my 90 yr old gran?

75 replies

Hazeleyedbaby · 03/10/2010 22:39

I have arranged my DS 1st b'day party and my gran has announced today that she wants a family gathering at hers 6 days before - all the same people invited! I asked my dad to call her and try to change the date of her 'gathering' and he said she has been thinking about it for a while so he didn't feel he could ask her - WTF - we have known about DS (my only child - his only grandson) 1st b'day since he was born?!

I am annoyed as the family are all really busy and I know they wont manage both so I feel a choice has to be made now and I think my sons 1st b'day party should take precedent - the only reason my gran has arranged this is because she didn't invite any of her grandchildren to her 90th birthday do incase we brought our kids!!!

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:

BeerTricksPotter · 03/10/2010 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pjmama · 03/10/2010 22:41

Why don't you ask her yourself?

FallingWithStyle · 03/10/2010 22:42

Um...seems an odd thing for her to do if she is aware that people will likely choose one or the other event as they are so close together.

But tbh I think being pissed off is a bit much. If people want to attend your sons birthday party they will just have to make the effort, wont they?

BrightLightBrightLight · 03/10/2010 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Irishchic · 03/10/2010 22:44

No YANBU at all!

Just cos the lady is 90 doesnt entitle her to disregard the previous arrangement, why should it?

Granny knows that people will have to choose and will feel obliged (due to her age) to choose the granny event, and this is not fair or reasonable on the OP or her child, when the birthday party has already been arranged.

IMO it is irrelevant whether granny is 90, or 50, this is still unreasonable of the granny.

unfitmother · 03/10/2010 22:44

YABU, your DS is 1 FFS he doesn't know when his birthday is! Celebrate it the week before.

Original poster

Hazeleyedbaby · 03/10/2010 22:44

I did she said oh well lets go with the majority! Her birthday gathering that she wants to make up for with her grandchildren was 10 months ago! why now???

She has been very spiteful to me since I became an unmarried mother, saying nasty things all the time and I cannot help feel this may have been deliberate :(

OP posts:

MrsSawdust · 03/10/2010 22:44

YABU

' I think my sons 1st b'day party should take precedent'

Err... Why? Is he a more important member of the family than her?

wilkos · 03/10/2010 22:45

Cancel your own and let her do all the entertaining at hers. You get your get together with none of the cost or mess.

Your son is 1, he will care not a jot.

Vallhala · 03/10/2010 22:46

She's 90. Sadly, the chances are that she won't see many more of her own birthdays. Hopefully your son will have another 90 or so to look forward to, going by your Nan's longevity.

So how about you cut her some slack and stop assuming that your son should take precedence because... well, why exactly???? Because he's your son?

Make the most of your Nan. Some of us haven't got ours with us any more - tihs poster's Nanny died at the age of 76, some 16 years ago... and this poster would give her eye teeth to be in your shoes and have the chance to be with her Nan.

scurryfunge · 03/10/2010 22:46

I'd do both....people can decide for themselves which one to attend.

There is no reason why a one year old's birthday would take precedence over anyone else's.

cumfy · 03/10/2010 22:46

she didn't invite any of her grandchildren to her 90th birthday do incase we brought our kids

But, isn't your DS the only one ?

Irishchic · 03/10/2010 22:47

It's rude to plan a family gathering when there has already been one organised, and you know that people will be in an awkward position and have to choose. The granny is being at best inconsiderate, and at worst, deliberately pbstructive and pulling rank,..inexcusable.

emkana · 03/10/2010 22:47

what valhalla said

reductioADabsurdum · 03/10/2010 22:50

YABVU How many more parties is your gran likely to hold? Answer: not many, whereas your baby DS has the rest of his life ahead of him not to mention the fact that at 1 yo he will have no awareness at all of the party whereas no doubt your gran will take great pleasure in seeing her family.

Yes, you can be frustrated, but ultimately having 2 parties 6 days apart is hardly a catastrophe, is it? Family members can go to both if they want to, or you can postpone your DS's party.....unless you have already paid the caterers and ordered the marquee? Had you actually already sent out invitations or were you assuming that everyone would miraculously KNOW that you would have a party that day (including your gran....now, you were going to invite her, weren't you?)...

DaisyDaresYOU · 03/10/2010 22:50

She just loves you both that's all.how is it going to affect you n your dc.Maybe shes realised she aint getting any younger and wants to spend as much time with u and dc as she can

Irishchic · 03/10/2010 22:50

Valhalla - Th OP's granny does not sound like a very nice person if she has been nasty to the op since she became a single mother.

Actually, I think if you have been lucky enough to celebrate 90 birthdays, you should let a 1 year old's birthday be celabrated by his family without putting a spanner in the works in the form of an impromptu gathering designed to clash with the 1st birthday party.

Original poster

Hazeleyedbaby · 03/10/2010 22:50

IT isn't her birthday - her birthday was 10 months ago!

Cumfy - no she has step great grandchildren and great grand daughters! my son is her only great grandson

OP posts:

JeezyPeeps · 03/10/2010 22:51

cumfy, granny can have more than one child that have children with children...

JeezyPeeps · 03/10/2010 22:51

crossposted!

DitaVonCheese · 03/10/2010 22:52

From the OP I think YANBU but how long has your son's party been organised and how organised is it (ie have you sent out invitations etc)? And is this your granny's birthday or just a random social do?

We did have DD's first birthday party the week before her actual birthday because my parents were going to be away, but I would have preferred to have it on the actual day. FWIW though most 1yos I know find their birthdays incredibly stressful and cry/sleep through the whole thing anyway (we didn't really bother when DD turned 2).

GeekOfTheWeek · 03/10/2010 22:52

Yanbu

comfy, the 1year old is the great grandchild.

borderslass · 03/10/2010 22:52

She has been very spiteful to me since I became an unmarried mother, saying nasty things all the time and I cannot help feel this may have been deliberate
This is a generation thing my mum is 76 and her generation isn't quite as bad she bites her tongue but doesn't approve, but remember unmarried pregnant girls/women where shipped to aunties until baby was born.

DaisyDaresYOU · 03/10/2010 22:54

Sorry op just seen your post.If she's horrible to you then yeah i can understand a bit,but does she love your dc?

angelberry · 03/10/2010 22:55

Why can't people go to two 'gatherings' that are 6 days apart? Do you live on opposite sides of the world?

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