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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? What is it going to take for MIL to leave my belly alone!!

69 replies

DetectivePotato · 03/10/2010 18:28

This is not a MIL bashing thread, it just happens to be that she is the only person doing this and it seriously pisses me right off.

I am 21 weeks pregnant. When I was pregnant with DS, she would always rush up to my belly and jiggle it. I would subtly try and turn away. It never worked. Or if she said "oh is the baby kicking?" I would say "no" and put my hand in the way as a hint but she would still come and jiggle anyway.

This time I was 13 weeks and not really showing and she was giving my belly a good rub (not a gentle little pat or anything, which still would have annoyed me). I said to DH that I don't like it and I would prefer if he said something as I don't like to.

Today they came over, I was upstairs at first having a lie down. I had to get up when I heard her saying to DS (2.8) "oh you don't want another boy, 1 is enough, you want a girl this time (yes it is a girl, but so what if it had been another boy). When I came down, FIL got up to come and give me a hug. MIL came over and I knew what was coming. Didn't help that I was shattered as we had taken DS swimming this morning. She hugged me and as she does puts her hand to the front and starts feeling my belly. Before she has been very open about it, but it was like she was trying to hide it. I said, very calmly "can we not do that please" She looked down, laughed and started having a really good feel. FIL told her not to do it, DH said he had already told her before I came down and I again asked her not to do it. Did she stop straight away? No, she carried on for a bit but then couldn't ignore the fact that 3 people were telling her to stop. She seemed to think it was funny.

I am not a very touchy, feely person anyway and I hate people in my personal space. Its the way I have been brought up and everyone in my family is the same (I am very different with DS as I don't want him to be like this). But AIBU for not wanting my body to be felt like this?

OP posts:
oneofthosedays · 03/10/2010 18:31

Try smacking her hand away! That should give her the message, considering she's already shown herself to be oblivious to every else telling her to leave off! This would piss me right off, I'm not touchy feely either and this would make me really uncomfortable.

Threelittleducks · 03/10/2010 18:32

No.

YANBU.

That would drive me insane!! Don't know what I would do tbh, but I just wanted to say YANBU!!!

LittleMissHissyFit · 03/10/2010 18:33

tell her to please not touch you, that you wouldn't let her do this if you weren't pg and just cos you are, doesn't make it OK.

then smile passive aggressively sweetly

StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 03/10/2010 18:34

Just tell her to pack it in, don't say please. Just tell her. She sounds very rude anyway!

Katisha · 03/10/2010 18:35

No- YANBU. It's rather territorial isn't it.

Next time you are going to have to be rather sharp, I fear.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 03/10/2010 18:36

oh I love rubbing pregnant tummies but always ask first.

I would tell her gently that you don't like anyone doing it.

nameymcnamechange · 03/10/2010 18:39

At a loss for suggestions.

Ask dh to phone her tomorrow and say "listen Mum, I know you think its funny, but DP really does not like you feeling her tummy. I know you are excited about new gdc but please don't do it again."

Original poster
DetectivePotato · 03/10/2010 18:40

Flying she has been told, by DH, me and FIL. I was more gentle than DH who, slightly exasperated said "I told you not to do that just now" (he has to get exasperated as she just does not listen. Years ago we started collecting magnets from places around the world, not that we went to, but others would bring them back. She has been told many times that we don't do that anymore and have no room, and aren't putting them out, but yet again, we have another one. This woman does not listen). I was also very pissed off to hear here telling my DS that 1 boy was quite enough.

OP posts:
Katisha · 03/10/2010 18:41

DHs tend not to do confrontation, from my reading of MN...You may have to do it yourself.

StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 03/10/2010 18:45

You could try doing it back? See how she likes it?

Vallhala · 03/10/2010 18:45

Gritted teeth, raised voice but not shouting, tone which shows you are seriously pissed off and,

"Will you PLEASE stop doing that? You've been told not to several times and now you're embarrrassing yourself!".

Alternatively, try a veiled threat.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you", in a menacing tone. (I have pissed off and menacing tones down to a T, it comes of having teenagers).

Failing that, as oneofthosedays has said, smack her hand away. There is NO WAY you should have to put up with someone mauling you like that. Ugh!

Spinkle · 03/10/2010 18:45

Lordy - what a bizarre fetish.

Have you tried saying 'I'll let you rub my belly if I can punch you in the face first'?

No?

Say 'I do not like that - you need to stop right now'

And if she doesn't.... well, it's slapping time...

Plumm · 03/10/2010 18:46

She might have been embarrassed at being in the wrong in front of other people and carried on doing it to show that she felt she was right.

I know that DH has mentioned it to her, but it would probably help if you takeher to one side and tell her straight that you don't like it and she won't be welcome at your Ouse if she continues (OTT probably, but she might get the message).

ledkr · 03/10/2010 18:46

what a cheek.Does she have a fetish? Tell her that you have developed a skin or muscle complaint and that its painfull to touch it and move away asap. It must be horrible. I am not all that keen on all the hugging and kissing that dh family do so i would hate this.

Plumm · 03/10/2010 18:47

That should be house, not Ouse, obviously.

pjmama · 03/10/2010 18:48

Next time she does it, grab her boobs with both hands and give them a good squeeze.

nameymcnamechange · 03/10/2010 18:48

Am very much LOVING stuckinthemiddle's suggestion.

StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 03/10/2010 18:51

OR tell her you have ebola and it's communicable by touch, especially around you belly.

NonnoMum · 03/10/2010 18:52

Yes, pjmama - good suggestion. Or grab her botty and have a good old rub.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 03/10/2010 18:53

Grab her breasts and squeeze them back while making a comedy honking noise.

Darn, just seen that pjmama got there first. But you know that makes it a good suggestion...

MoralDefective · 03/10/2010 18:55

pjmama.....Grin....bloody weird and i would HATE it....tell her to FUCK OFF..(quietly if DCs are around)

readywithwellies · 03/10/2010 18:57

Hi detectivepotato. Your MIL sounds like my mother!! Although her heart is in the right place most of the time. YANBU. What would I do? Tell her it really hurts your feelings that she will not respect your wishes re touching your belly. Explain how much it upsets you. Give genuine eye contact and if she brushes you off, tell her if she does it again you will physically stop her from doing it. Just be glad your DP is on your side!

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/10/2010 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ledkr · 03/10/2010 18:59

:o at prof layton

ledkr · 03/10/2010 19:01
  • put your rampant rabbit in the top of your knickers then when she feels it say"oops i forgot that was there" and take it out casually.