AIBU? What is it going to take for MIL to leave my belly alone!!

[DetectivePotato]

This is not a MIL bashing thread, it just happens to be that she is the only person doing this and it seriously pisses me right off.

I am 21 weeks pregnant. When I was pregnant with DS, she would always rush up to my belly and jiggle it. I would subtly try and turn away. It never worked. Or if she said "oh is the baby kicking?" I would say "no" and put my hand in the way as a hint but she would still come and jiggle anyway.

This time I was 13 weeks and not really showing and she was giving my belly a good rub (not a gentle little pat or anything, which still would have annoyed me). I said to DH that I don't like it and I would prefer if he said something as I don't like to.

Today they came over, I was upstairs at first having a lie down. I had to get up when I heard her saying to DS (2.8) "oh you don't want another boy, 1 is enough, you want a girl this time (yes it is a girl, but so what if it had been another boy). When I came down, FIL got up to come and give me a hug. MIL came over and I knew what was coming. Didn't help that I was shattered as we had taken DS swimming this morning. She hugged me and as she does puts her hand to the front and starts feeling my belly. Before she has been very open about it, but it was like she was trying to hide it. I said, very calmly "can we not do that please" She looked down, laughed and started having a really good feel. FIL told her not to do it, DH said he had already told her before I came down and I again asked her not to do it. Did she stop straight away? No, she carried on for a bit but then couldn't ignore the fact that 3 people were telling her to stop. She seemed to think it was funny.

I am not a very touchy, feely person anyway and I hate people in my personal space. Its the way I have been brought up and everyone in my family is the same (I am very different with DS as I don't want him to be like this). But AIBU for not wanting my body to be felt like this?

I think you have tried the talking and explaining route.

Next time she does it, grab her hands and move them away. You don't need to explain it anymore, just keep your distance a little bit till she gets the message.

I would just tell her firmly that she is invading your personal space and to stop. You are not public property after all!

Actually, a better suggestion:

Wear this when she comes round www.nappyhead.co.uk/acatalog/info_130.html

Take some of your t-shirts to one of those print shops and have them printed with.....

HANDS OFF MY TUMMY IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CAUSE OFFENCE. I'M PREGNANT, I AM NOT PUBLIC PROPERTY.

Take her wrist. Squeeze it hard. Move it away from you and hold it while you tell her "I have asked you before not to do that. I don't want to have to keep telling you," in a steely, don't-fuck-with-me voice.

Then let go. A little bit sharply.

Burst into tears and run upstairs.....that is probably what I would have done....or just sulked. I'm only good at passive aggressive not aggressive aggressive.

have you tried rubbing her belly?

Yanbu

Tell her to fuck off. Then blame it on the hormones, but say that despite that her behaviour is VERY annoying.

What a horrid woman. Poor you. Huge sympathy.

I might have given her a shove personally...I am nuts about peope touching me with no invite! It's worse when pregnant too!

Get a T Shirt printed with NO TOUCHING! on it and wear it when you next see her...if she dares to touch you grab her boobs or give her arse a whack....that'll teach her lol!

Oh another MIL who like's to do this. She's the only one in our familky who does it to. My only consilation is we don't see them very offten so haven't had to put up with it much. I did threaten DH that I's get one of those badges just to wear when we soure her.

I would have as well if we had to see them more offten.

YANBU at all. This would've irritated me no end. My mil would never have done this, she wouldn't have wanted to invade my personal space or make me feel uncomfortable. I knew she wanted to have a feel so I'd ask her if she'd like to have a feel of the baby occasionally but it was on my terms, rather than her just coming over and feeling me whenever she wanted to.

Everyone seemed to do this to me during my first pregnancy and as I didn't want to offend, I let it happen. This time round, because I allowed it the first time, everyone thinks I'm fair game. Now I tend to tell them "that's me you're touching up, not the actual baby" - puts them off sharpish.

I HATE confrontation of any sort, hence me getting DH to speak to her (yes I am sooo glad he is on my side about it).

I definately couldn't do some of the suggestions on here, no matter how tempting .

If she hasn't got the message this time, and I don't see that she would have, a roll of my eyes and a "I really don't like that" in a firm voice will hopefully put her off. Trouble is I'm not diplomatic and when I'm annoyed I tend to snap.

Madinitials thats a good one to say!

needafootmassgee yes! That's the best way to deal with it...love that!

If you can't carry out some of the (frankly inspired) suggestions on here can you move sharply away from her, really almost flinching, when she does it? A sharp shocked intake of breath would help make this more effective. It sounds as though that would be quite an honest response in communicating how you feel.

My MIL has no sense of personal space (literal or emotional) either but luckily she finds me a bit scary where dc is concerned so I largely get left alone.

I like the t-shirt idea. Maybe something like 'Can all perverts please stop touching my stomach'

DP I would slap her hand away, with as much force as it took to get it off of me.

I would hold your stomach when she is around... and look nauseous. Pepper words like 'projectile' and 'billeous' (sp?) into your conversation... I reckon she'll take a back seat after that.

My response would probably be

'Oh ffs will you leave me the fuck alone!'

or words to that effect.

Why are we so worried about hurting the feelings of people who don't give a shit about our feelings?

YANBU!

Your tummy, your personal space, your right not to be mauled by anyone.

Not sure I'd have the guts to return the mauling (and not sure she wouldn't also find that funny - may backfire on you!).

Every time she does it, pick up her hand and move it away. Every time. Don't make a joke out of it, just calmly say "I don't like that and you have been asked not to". If she persists in spite of that /shrug. I'd ask her to leave.

Failing that, your comment "Trouble is I'm not diplomatic and when I'm annoyed I tend to snap" - makes me think you are trying too hard with this woman. Don't be diplomatic, she doesn't deserve it if she hasn't got the message already. Snap! You can blame it on hormones and I would imagine there is no way this woman is going to risk losing access to her grandchildren by being snotty with you.

just say ' please stop Touching MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'

then burst into tears.

worked last time when I was sick of being felt up...

Grr for you OP - if I saw your MIL doing this I'd shout at her on your behalf.

Remember - you're pregnant, you're prone to mad hormonal outbursts, therefore feel free to say 'FUCK OFF MY BUMP, you CRAZY WITCH'

too much?

and OP, I LOVE your name