to want to throw molotov cocktails into CUPCAKE cafes named after small birds

[GetOrfMoiLand]

There is a new one in Cheltenham (ponce town) called the Swallow Bakery.

Staffed by supercilious Diana Vickered hair students who curl their lip when you ask them to clear a table. Don't speak down to me, young lady, you work in a CAKE shop, like Barbara Royle.

£2.80 for a cupcake
£4.90 for slice of chocolate cake
£4.50 for a milkshake
£10 yes TEN ENGLISH POUNDS for a devon cream tea
£6 for tuna carpaccio sandwich.

I took DD in there for a treat (breaking a lifetime cupcake veto) and it made me fume.

Am I a miserable bastard or do I have a point in HATING cupcake business ventures?

Love it getorfmoiland u on twitter/facebook? I need you in moi life!

The OP reminds me of that bit in Ab Fab where the art gallery assistant is rude to Eddie, and she says 'You only work in a shop you know - you can drop the attitude'

I was in the Swallow Bakery in Chelt yesterday and got cupcakes to take away. £10 later, I sat down to eat one and it was BURNT. The fuckers had just dumped a gallon of icing on top and sold it to me.

Oh, and I heard the following conversation between two members of staff (they were behind the counter, serving, so not exactly trying to hide away):
Saturday girl: Who's the cup of tea and the americano for?
Manageress type: The grumpy old woman, I think.
Saturday girl: Which one is she?
Manageress type: The grumpy rude one, over there.

Hmph. Not sure I'll be back.

Dinkin's Patisserie (next to Long Tall Sally) is much nicer. Any coffee and cake for £3.80 and their cakes are dreamy.

PS I heard Ballyhoo had closed. A friend of mind went down the slide with her DD on her lap the other week and found she had shit on her skirt, where no one had cleaned it off. Nice.

Eviltwins are you a glos person too? wow this thread is really bringing them all out of the woodwork. Whatever happened about your dd & the hair incident?

OOh look at all us Gloucestershire people!

Lol at shit on skirt at Ballyhoo.

See, I would have thought that a twattish cupcake shop would be serving something a bit more topical

FWIW, red velvet is a very deep and important tradition in the American South. Don't ask me why, I'm from California where I think someone has discovered a way to put wheatgrass and tofu on cupcakes.

To be fair, not all of these shops are Divorce Settlement businesses.

Some are bought for thick less academically able girls by their Rich Daddies. I imagine to keep them out of thier hair occupied until they can marry them off.

I do know of a company that make lovely cupcakes, the owner of which fits neither category. Seems a shame that all the Saw You Coming bastards have jumped on the bandwagon.

Why is the icing always hard on posh cupcakes? I take a bite, expecting a load of squishy buttercream, and get rock hard sugar.

Never fear, I spotted an integral design flaw in the Swallow Bakery this weekend.

I couldnt fit my teeny Maclaren past all the over priced merchandise in the queue. Had to turn around and slope off back to cafe nero. This leaves no hope for the yummy mummy set with their massive off roaders. Surely the SB's target market???

i don't get all this, I went to the original bakery in Greenwich village that started the trend (the Magnolia bakery, is it? the one SJP made a huge fuss about) firstly, you can't sit down, it's a tiny little shop, you just walk in, choose your cake, pay and leave. secondly, the cupcakes are huge, and in 2008 cost about $1.50 each (about what you'd pay in Greggs). All these imitators need a reality check.

I'm not sure you can have cocktails near Bare Muffins or floury boas, Although I suspect they may be useful for the cream horns.

Baps. not boas. no trouser snakes here.

Ugly buns could branch out into dull cocktails. It's basically just a spirit and mixer in a plastic cup. No fancy stuff

bumper it's next to the hairdressers on blacksmith lane:) I shall look out for you in there- I'm the heavily pregnant whale :)

so do all you cheltenham and gloucester ladies not like cupcake cafe's then?

i was planning on opening one but after reading this thread am re-thinking! but in my defence i wont be funded my my rich dh cupcakes (muffin sized ones) will cost £1.50 - £2.00 and you can buy a slice of cake for around £3.00 you'll be able to fit a pushchair inside and it certanly wont be staffed by rude people.

I can't speak on behalf of all, but my family prefer a nice slab of cake, or a pastry.
Are you really opening a shop Addicted?

seriously considering it, but need a small business loan first. Which is quite scary in the current climate.
My dh is an accountant and is looking at aall the numbers and things. I already have a cake decorating business but could really do with a shop frount to get more business and thought a cupcake cafe would be ideal.

But i dont know maybe i should stay how i am for the time being

Bumper - I am indeed a Cheltenham gal. The haircut saga is ongoing. The other mother hasn't ever spoken to me ever again. Our DDs are now in reception at the same school, but she requested that hers be changed class, presumably to get away from my evil, out-of-control little brats.

Addicted - I like cup cakes. Just not burnt ones served to me by rude assistants.

Addicted I like a bit more variety on the cake front - I'm not keen on sugary buttercream icing, especially not if there's as much of it as there is cake. Serve me a slice of good coffee and walnut cake though, and I'm yours.

Oh, and when I say I'm Cheltenham gal, what I mean is that I live here. Not that I'm a "Cheltenham Gal" - the kind who plays at shops and sells crap cupcakes whilst waiting to be married off.

Just in case anyone misunderstood.

I've just been to The Chosen cafe and had the yummiest chocolate cake. it was a massive trek from the crap our end though!

Bloody hell !!
YANBU

£2.80 for a. Cupcake!,
£4.90 for a slice of chocolate cake
( just one slice?)

Are they wrapped in gold leaf or something??

I wouldn't but cakes there on principal, let alone price.
I hate it when companies try to rip off the public.

ahem

the brownie I had in the swallow today was UNBELIEVABLY good, a really decent cup of coffee, too

the cupcakes looked toothmeltingly sweet so I didn't bother with them

I've got 6 empty milk bottles if that helps any? I'll pop them by the back door so you can pick them up later.

Oh and... YANBU

Not BU about the stupid cupcake shop.

But perhaps a tad unreasonable about small birds