to want to throw molotov cocktails into CUPCAKE cafes named after small birds

[GetOrfMoiLand]

There is a new one in Cheltenham (ponce town) called the Swallow Bakery.

Staffed by supercilious Diana Vickered hair students who curl their lip when you ask them to clear a table. Don't speak down to me, young lady, you work in a CAKE shop, like Barbara Royle.

£2.80 for a cupcake
£4.90 for slice of chocolate cake
£4.50 for a milkshake
£10 yes TEN ENGLISH POUNDS for a devon cream tea
£6 for tuna carpaccio sandwich.

I took DD in there for a treat (breaking a lifetime cupcake veto) and it made me fume.

Am I a miserable bastard or do I have a point in HATING cupcake business ventures?

Sorry Hecate - they are fairy cakes - buns are not baked in paper cases, but in little mounds on a baking tray - and probably are yeasty too.

I am waiting for Tescos to deliver, and then I will have the ingredients to make myself some coffee cupcakes. I might make some chocolate ones as well, for dh and the dses, but I am the only one who really likes coffee ones.

I do have the Hummingbird bakery book, and was most disappointed to find out that the Red Velvet cupcake (which sounds so exotic) is just a chocolate cupcake with red food colouring in it. What a swizz!

Oh - and you can't put me over your knee - I bite!

no no no. buns are baked in paper cases and often have icing on.

yeasty? do you mean baps?

biters get extra smacks!

I went in to the Swallow place on thurs for a nosey around and they hardly had any cakes out, which is completely pointless. I couldn't even judge on the value per calorific slice! And it did indeed looked too poncy, even for me - and I say that as being Cheltenham born and bred.

yo know what , getorf, every time i read one of your posts, I fall a little bit more in love with you

MBear - I live also in Gloucester with a born and bred Cheltonian, 8 miles down the M5 and we have a 3 bedroom detached house with huge garden for a price of a flat in Cheltenham.

Hecate - lol at baps.

Lulu - we are mutual appreciation society, I think you are wonderful

Is a fucking fairy cake different from an ordinary cake
. does it have more cream?

soup

Fucking fairy cakes are small and dainty and only have a bit of icing on, you buy them at the school fete for 10p

Cunting cupcakes are big fat arsed bastards with too much sickly buttercream, and they cost £££ from twatshops

Second the Greggs suggestion. I bribed bought DD2 a fabulous looking jam doughnut from there last weekend, for forty-three of your English pence.

I just don't get any cup cake business. Who actually buys them,how do they make any money?

I bought the dc one each at one of those pottery painting places once.They were mighty stunning with edible glitter,mounds of icing etc.The dc took 2 mouthfuls and couldn't eat any more.Now if my dc reject them there is no hope frankly.

I'd only ever eat them if I'd endured an hour baking with the dc and even then.....

I once went to a cup cake tasting evening by somebody setting up a business and I mused out loud after tasting a mouthful of one(teeth itchingly sweet) "this soooo makes you want to go home and bake"- stony silence followed by "no it makes you want to go out and buy *** Cupcakes"- errr not so actually.

Every time I see them I think how you could make an entire batch for the cost of one and they're sooo easy being just fat fairy cakes.

Having said that my sister had cupcakes instead of a cake at her wedding.We were all given a colour and instructed to make a set no in that colour. Before we were sent off with our matching paper cases(my sister is organised unlike myself,there were copious team meetings and e-mails re said cakes)she gave us a tasting session so we could see what we were aspiring to. Anyhow they were Waitrose bakery cupcakes-omg heaven in a paper case. Honestly even I put my neg thoughts aside and hoovered them up.

In actual fact said wedding cupcakes did look lovely on the day. The cupcake fridge magnets,book marks etc she's still sending are wearing a tad thin now though.

She lives in Cheltenham and is going to pee her pants with excitement at this new venture. Please god let them not sell cupcake notelets, fridge magnets,bookmarks.....

I would name mine Thrush Cupcakes.

All the cakes in the window would have icing in the form of various pink and white ointments.

As there would be no customers I would then firebomb it myself and 'claim on the insurance' as they say.

Ew - Thrush Cakes. Vom!

Anyhow cupcakes are out, apparently woopie pies are all the rage now!!!!

Thrush cupcakes - yeasty like buns

I do like cupcakes,but I'm not sure that they can beat a Greggs chocolate cream doughnut,or a yum yum.

Speaking of extortionate prices,I came across the menu for The Albion Cafe,in Shoreditch,the other day.

Now I don't mind expensive meals if they're worth it,but £5.50 for a plain omelette,or £5.50 for a roll and sausage?

See now i do have to go against the thread & say i do love cupcakes. i love butter icing & have never quite perfected my own. there is a twatty company in selfridges that sell them and i have to admit to indulging in the oreo ones on a couple of occasions.

can't go wrong with a slice of chocolate cheesecake though. or apple cake. or a brownie. yep, cup cakes definitely come behind those.

I just knew that this thread would be about the Swallow Bakery in 'nam. :o

The decent place in Ciren is called The Cake House and is by the Brewery car park. Meringues from there are gert lush and only 80p (a third of a Hobbs House meringue - Hobbs House being another poncetastic Poshtershire establishment).

No cheesy feet, nor suspicious stains on the toilet floor. Tis very nice.

I like Waitrose for it's cakes, though it's not particularly comfortable. Cafe Nero does good cheesecake.

Oooh, this is quite liberating outing myself as a 'Namite (though technically live in Glos now). Hope I don't regret it...

Bumper I know! I feel all clean and liberated by saying that I have crossed that Golden Valley divide!

(And that I should be looking over my shoulder...!)

Wish I could remember the name of the VILE, poncey Med-style deli cafe place I went to in Cheltenham that wanted to charge me 9 quid for a plate of grease and a pot of tea. Unfortunately I cant - but if you know which one I mean, don't go there.

I paid 2.30 for a cupcake in London once as a treat for dd1. She took one bite and said it tasted of plasticine.

there's something about the Saturday staff in 'nam isn't there ?

Glad to find more mnetters who frequent the Waitrose cafe - I shall wander round muttering about cupcakes more.

I live further up the m5 - but il's in Gloucester