yes, I know I would be unreasonable, but I am THAT livid I want to hunt down the parents of the bullies who have, YAT AGAIN, gone for my DS2 and shoved him that hard his glasses have smashed!

[psychomum5]

Last term they shoved him that hard he ended up in hopsital with concussion.....the school dealt with it, but bullying continued and because the hospital and HV had been involved (as they are with children who suffer head injuries), a complaint was put in about by me about the teacher who had ignored the bullying, and things were, AFAIK, improving.

Have not long returned from school tho after it has happened again, and now he has smashed glasses.

but the school are trying to imply it was an accident as the child concerned was apparently reprimanded last year and surely wouldn't try it again.

really

I also have found out that at no point were the parents of the boys concerned told about their sons beahviour, so the promises to me that the problems had been dealt with are sounding a little hollow. Surely if children are bullying others, parents should be informed so that they can punish, or help their child to understand that bullying is WRONG ??

I am trying to calm down enough so that I don;t hunt the parents down and shove them hard enough to break something.

I know I am being unreasonable to want this, but god I wish bad thoughts upon them and their boys.

[livid]

nice!

Your poor DS! I can't believe the parents of the bullies haven't been told! (I'd want to know)

What have the school said about it this time?

oh and YANBU to want to, just don't actually do it....

go to the school and refuse to leave until its sorted. you cant let treat your child like this

Take up your arms again and head for the headteacher. Demand a written account of what action will taken and when.

So sorry your poor DS is having to deal with this.

YANBU... But you have to escalate your complaint through the official routes and resist the temptation to put a hit out on the bullies or their parents. You need to write letters to teacher, head and LEA if necessary, detailing examples of bullying behaviour. Demand specifically that the bullies' parents are brought in to school. It all sounds OTT but if you don't put it in writing they don't seem to take it seriously. I wish I'd done it earlier. Good luck

well given that your DS's glasses must cost a fair bit, I woudl think that someone ought to be paying for them and it shouldn't be you - so either it's going to be the school or it's going to be the parents of the little sod that pushed him!

YANBU to want to find them but there are better ways to deal with it than resorting to wanting to push them as well.

Shit situation, :( for your DS.

how old are we talking? I might be inclined to go to the police if over 10

Bullying is such a shitty thing to go through and to deal with a parent.

Last year these children assaulted your son and gave him concussion, correct ? The school did NOT inform the parents of the children responsible, correct ? That for a start strikes me as insane and irresponsible on the part of the school.

How do you know that the parents were not informed ?

TBH, I would be writing a letter to the Head asking what on earth is actually being done about this as it is totally unacceptable and why were the parents of the children in question not involved after the first incident ? Do they not have a right to know, can the school keep it from the parents (legally speaking, I mean) ? I would copy the LEA in to the letter.

deal with as a parent...

i would say the school should sort this!

but dont take it out on the other childs parents!!

am at home waiting for a call from the 'inclusion' lady, so it can be sorted properly, but right now I think I am to angry to see straight.

DS1 is still at school, so DH is doing the later school run so that I don;t do something stupid in my anger as that would not help, and I don;t want to embarress myself....it would make dealing with it all much much harder if I act like a raving loony.

but christ, this has been going on for 10mths now, he suffered badly last term but because of my stroke in february he didn;t tell me, we only found out how long when he suffered the concussion.....I thought his acting out (as he had been at home) was connected to me being so ill and the recovery.

when it was discovered, we had a long meeting with the head, but DS2's teacher tried initially claiming it was DS2, and then when proved otherwise, pretended it wasn;t happening, so complaints about her went in too.

I HAD thought tho the the other boys parents had been told (there are two boys).

I thought wrong, and now want to inform them, but in a vile way that is not becoming to my normal personality (dispite my user name!).

they are all 8 by the way.

Your child was in hospital with concussion Poor kid.

Move your child to another school. Tomorrow. It IS possible and you will turn your child's life around.

Report the bullies to the police for damage to your property - the glasses.

Then write a letter of complaint to the Head of your school, with copies to everyone you can think of.

But first, get your son out of that school.

Yes, whitecherry, you'd think schools should and would sort this kind of behaviour out, but a lot of the time they don't.

You go to the school and they say they're sorting it, when you see they're doing no such thing you go to the LEA who say they're sorting it and then don't.

You go back to the school, the Head says the teachers aren't to blame, back to the LEA to hear you need to go back to the school...on and on and on in endless circles.

The schools and LEA don't want anyone suggesting their establishment has anything nasty like bullying going on (that will show up in their statistics) so they ineffectively 'deal' with the bullies and their victim is left feeling they're to blame and it should be them that moves schools.

Anti-bullying policies are all very well, but are mostly for show in my experience.

While you're at home waiting for the 'inclusion lady' put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and write your complaints down formally and in full. Give her a copy, another for the head and tell her you're sending another to the LEA. Don't be sidetracked with any crap about it being anything but the other children's fault. As I said before, demand in writing that the parents are brought into the school for a meeting. I don't think moving your son is the best answer at this stage... Bullies exist everywhere & if anyone should be leaving the school, it's the bullies.

thats sad agent.....must vary school to school,thankfully,not that experience here!

Does anyone really get this things resolved to their satisfaction and their DC's move on to enjoy or be successfull in the rest of the time they spend in primary school with the people who break their glasses or cause concussion ?
I have never read a thread where there's a happy ending on any parenting board usually the victim ends up moving or has to get over it.
We moved because quite frankly there is sod all the school can do their hands seem tied until your child is hurt so badly that they are forced to expel the bully and even then the punishment isn't always seen through.
I would calmly tell the other parents what is going on and present them with a bill for the glasses, why the hell should you be out of pocket. The school certainly won't pay.

Trying to get anyone to take responsibility when a child is behaving like that towards your child is the most frustrating and frightening thing imaginable.

You have to keep sending your child to school, you want them to be able to deal with coming across people like this when they're adults, but they're just children.

Why should they have to put up with violence in a place that has a duty of care to keep them safe?

I can really understand your anger psychomum, but you have to calm down (I mean that in the nicest way) and channel that anger into making the school a safer place for not only your lovely DS, but for all the other DC who have to go there.

Your DS shouldn't have to move schools, it's his school, the children who are treating him like that should be made to take responsibility for their behaviour or not be allowed to attend.

I don;t want to move schools, not yet at least, as DS1 is in yr6 and very happy, and DS2 has special education needs and is in the system for being tested....moving schools will put all that back to square one again. plus, I am not sure it would help in the long-term as he is not the most outgoing child in new situations......plus, he would feel like he is the one being blamed IYGWIM.

I want the parents informed.....he luckily has a fantastic teacher this year, so I am going to give them one last chance to deal with it, and will push for a meeting with the parents at the school......it does need to be done on nuetral grounds. as they are completely unaware, it might well improve when they are aware. not least because they can, hopefully, deal with their sons.

Obviously, ideally the victim should not have to move schools, but if the Head cannot organise the school so as to protect its 8 year olds from injury and damaged property then to move the DS is a positive action and should be seen as such.

The message to the child is (or should be) "this school is a dump, this school doesn't deserve you, we, your parents, will protect you and put you in a school where you feel safe and secure"

The child can see that letters and forms and meetings and visits DO NOTHING to help him. He needs his parents to ACT.

Sorry psycho, I'm probably not helping here, I just feel strongly about this.

Glad you are better now, and I really hope that you get a good outcome for your ds.

still fucking lived tho......at least being able to 'telk' about it here helps me get my head straight without doing something stupid!

Sorry x-posted.

I know...my solution "just move him" is not as simple as it sounds, especially if you have another dc in the same school.

Good luck.

To be honest i would be talking in terms of the school failing to ensure the safety of your sone and it being a safe guarding issue and the if they do not resolve the issue to your satisfaction you will ultimately conisder making a complaint to ofsted.

What ever the outcome of the conversation, make sure you write a letter to the person stating what you believ to have been agreed and asking her to acknowledge the action that has been agreed will be taken. I know its a faf but if they have responded to this they cant turn round and say oh but that was not agreed at a later date. Make sure you send it recorded mail so that they cant deny it having turned up. keep a copy.

I hope you get this sorted out. I would be involving the police but am hot headed wrt issues like this. mummy lioness attitude

Psycho :(

FWIW, I would be at the school and would not leave until I felt it was/would be dealt with in a suitable way