Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

yes, I know I would be unreasonable, but I am THAT livid I want to hunt down the parents of the bullies who have, YAT AGAIN, gone for my DS2 and shoved him that hard his glasses have smashed!

73 replies

psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 13:57

Last term they shoved him that hard he ended up in hopsital with concussion.....the school dealt with it, but bullying continued and because the hospital and HV had been involved (as they are with children who suffer head injuries), a complaint was put in about by me about the teacher who had ignored the bullying, and things were, AFAIK, improving.

Have not long returned from school tho after it has happened again, and now he has smashed glasses.

but the school are trying to imply it was an accident as the child concerned was apparently reprimanded last year and surely wouldn't try it again.

reallyHmm

I also have found out that at no point were the parents of the boys concerned told about their sons beahviour, so the promises to me that the problems had been dealt with are sounding a little hollow. Surely if children are bullying others, parents should be informed so that they can punish, or help their child to understand that bullying is WRONG ??

I am trying to calm down enough so that I don;t hunt the parents down and shove them hard enough to break something.

I know I am being unreasonable to want this, but god I wish bad thoughts upon them and their boys.

Angry[livid]Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 14:33

thanks mumonthenet.

I am feeling guilty too as I promised him on his first day that things will be better this year.

the boys aren;t in his class this year, so I naivly assumed it would stop, as the other boys would get bored and move on (not to new victims I hasten to add, just that they would have maybe changed over the summer hols, and also if they don;t see my DS2 so often, then 'out of sight, out of mind'). plus the school had also said they were going to be watching for problems in the interim and increasing the amount of staff in the playground to try and have more eyes watching and preventing problems before they start.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 01/10/2010 14:34

Don't feel guilty this is out of your hands, but equally i don't make promises I can't keep and again it was/is out of your hands to a degree.

Fimbo · 01/10/2010 14:35

What crap Pyschomum. I hope your lovely ds will be ok.

Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 14:39

froghorn, staying up there was impossible....sick girls at home, glasses to be ordered, me being that angry I would cry and not be reasonable.....

monday however, I am staying put until I see the inclusion lady, and get it sorted.

letters will be drafted and sent if things don;t get resolved this time. I really thought the concussion incident and the hospital being involved last time shook them up, plus the complaints about the teacher.....seems not!

OP posts:
Doodlez · 01/10/2010 14:39

I just don't get this - why were the two boys' parents not told???? Confused

I've just had an incident whereby my DS was unpleasant and hurtful to a couple of the girls in his class. I was asked to come and talk it through with his teacher. Man, I couldn't get there quick enough, so I could hear the FULL story (my DS's side of it was seriously lacking in relevant detail!!!!). Then, I could deal with him.

As the mother of the child in the wrong - I bloody well wanted and needed to know what he was doing so I could PARENT him better and understand him better and make it stop for the other children!

Psycho - if the school STILL doesn't let the parents of the two boys know, I WOULD be tracking them down and explaining to them what their children have been doing. It can only go one of two ways:-

a) They are mortified and deal with it

b) they are arseholes and don't do anything/don't believe you, in which case, you're no btter but no worse off than you are now.

Good luck.

Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 14:41

thanks fimbo.

mamatomany, he was sobbing about going back, scared it would start again......what was I supposed to do.....of course I had to promise him, I am his mummy, I did what I could in the situation at the time on the information I had at the time, assuming the school had my back (so to speak).

hindsight is fab....I won;t make such promises again believe me!

OP posts:
FoghornLeghorn · 01/10/2010 14:42

Understandable - I would stay there on the proviso DH was around to have Dc's while I did so - would be bloody akward otherwise.

I hope DS isn't too upset, bless him

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/10/2010 14:43

To be fair to the parents, if they've not been informed then it's a little unfair of you to have Bad Thoughts about them.

I would be absolutely fuming btw if ds had been involved in anything like this and I'd not been informed. Absolutely fucking furious actually - as much maybe with the school for keeping me in the dark as with my ds for being a bullying gobshite.

Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 14:44

doodlez, I will be hunting them down if the school doesn;t call them in. I am going to insist on them meeting with me, so I KNOW they have been informed, instead of assuming like I did before when they assured me they had dealt with said boys. They didn't say at that point that they had spoken to the parents, but I assumed they would have....I know I would want to know if shoe was on the other foot....I would be horrified if any of mine were being bullies, and would come down on them hard, surely it is the right as parents to know about out children, the good and the bad??

OP posts:
Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 14:47

jenai, of course it is unfair, but that is the least of my worries. I have already said that I know I am being unreasonable....this is why I am here ranting instead of hunting them down. DS2 is happy and sorted, I am getting calm by ranting!

OP posts:
Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 14:48

will be back later....am needed.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 01/10/2010 14:49

mumof5 The blame lies entirely with the school for failing in their role as loco parentis, god knows I quoted that to them over and over and got blank stares back.
I repeatedly made the point that my children have never been injured in my care so why the fuck should I put with with them being injured in theirs. They had no answer to that.
Don't let the school tell you he has to learn how to handle this when he's an adult. He doesn't, if this occurred anywhere but school the police would be involved. Nobody has to learn how to deal with being hurt, you'd not go back to a job where you've been attacked. And yet they expect you to send your child back into that situation.
I wish you luck I really do.

Hedgeblunder · 01/10/2010 14:50

Your poor ds :( if I was in your situation I would see the boys parents myself.
If my child had hurt someone so badly they ended up in hospital I would definitly want to know about it.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/10/2010 14:51

psycho the only reservation I have WRT talking to the parents yourself is that they might not believe you. I think I'd suspect someone who approached me this way of being a bit loopy/PFB/a fantasist.

OTOH at least then - hopefully - they'd approach the school and they'd put them straight as to your reliability.

CardyMow · 01/10/2010 14:57

Psycho-I must have missed this incident! When my DS1 was knocked over in the playground (due to a lack of supervision, and a bully 3 yrs older than him), I wrote to the board of governors about what I wanted done about it, as it was just one more thing in a long chain of events. After much hoo-ha (including the school falsifying accident sheets etc), I managed to get in writing from the governors exactly what measures they were going to be taking to ensure my DS's safety. If you go the route of complaining to the board of governors (which I definately would in this situation), make sure you talk about 'safeguarding' because any complaints that mention that can adversely affect a schools' OFSTED report. Which they don't want.

I hope your DS2 in feeling OK now.

Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 15:18

jenai, I am only going to approach the parents myself if the school ignores my request to meet with them. I WANT to hunt them down, but I only will if all else fails.

I am noting down advice from everyone here with regards to who to write to, and what to say, cite et....thankyou all for your posts, it helps, believe me.....not least so that I don;t start going really psychoWink

OP posts:
Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 15:21

loudlass, the previous incident happened when I was on my MN break. I could probably have done with the advice then TBH....I don;t think I did half what I should have done back then......if I had done then what the advice is now, this incident might well have not happened.

and another thing, I have enough trouble trying to ensure he remembers to wear his glasses......this is really not going to help!

OP posts:
tokyonambu · 01/10/2010 15:24

Your son's been assaulted. Go to the police. The school don't give a shit, because they are more concerned with the perpetrator than the victim, so they won't help. Go to the police and press charges.

MoralDefective · 01/10/2010 21:07

tokyo....only just saw this and was just about to write the same....DS2s bike was repeatedly vandalised at school and the school advised us to go to the police as we knew who was doing it.......the moron boy who stole his next bike rode it to school and LOCKED it up the next day!!!when confronted by teachers he got away with it as he said someone else had given it to himConfused

mumonthenet · 01/10/2010 21:11

I had planned to shut up but I just can't, I feel so sad for your little 8 yr old.

Why can't you speak to the Police, why wait passively for the bloody school to sort it? He was hospitalised the last time fgs and they still didn't sort it. School's only just started and your son is being terrorised again.

I wouldn't wait another moment if I were you.

Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 21:12

am not wanting to involve police, they are only 8 after all. teens, maybe, but at 8....would they truly be able to do anything??

and in fairness, I need to give the parents a hance, seeing as they apparently don;t know.

DS2 this evening however.....he is giggling with his brother and not acting bothered. Monday tho, it will no doubt be a different story!

OP posts:
Original poster
psychomum5 · 01/10/2010 21:14

mumonthenet, believe me, if school does nothing, and the parents do not respond, heads will roll.

figuretively speaking of course or maybe not!

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 01/10/2010 21:18

8 is the age of legal criminal responsibility. If I were you I would go to the police.

My ds was in same boat, the school tried to play it all down, assured me the other parents were being brought in, load of bollocks.

School can do little, their hands are tied and we know it, go to the police.

mumonthenet · 01/10/2010 21:20

Psycho, photograph the broken specs, photograph any scratches on your ds, believe me....be prepared.

I am not saying send the local vigilantes round to duff up the bullies' parents. I am just saying that the police have perfectly civilised ways of drawing somebody's attention to a complaint by a member of the Public. Even if the culprit is 8 years old.

The Police would take your concerns seriously, but I doubt if they would over-react.

Sorry to go on! Off out now to collect dd from training, so will definately shut up.

c0rns1lk · 01/10/2010 21:21

Sad psycho