Not an AIBU, more of a 'what do you think'

[chaosisawayoflife]

Wasn't sure where the best place to put this was, so stuck it in here as I have a feeling it may create a bit of a debate. I was reading on another forum(NM) about a woman who had created an anonymous post to seek advice about her violent relationship. She is pregnant. The forum administrators contacted her midwife about her situation, without informing her, and she is now being seen by SS.

What is your opinion on this? Should they have contacted her midwife? Should they have told her that they were going to do so? Do forum owners have a duty of care to their users or should they simply offer advice as to the avenues of rl support?

Are asking this with vested interest - are you the poster/poster's husband/a midwife/SS/in a similar situation? If so just say it now as it will be dragged out of you!

Advice and support is one thing, but that's going a step too far imvho. How did they know who she is?

No, absolutely not involved or in any similar situation! I was just quite surprised/shocked that NM had contacted her midwife without her knowledge. I've had a little debate in my head about whether this is appropriate and where the 'duty of care' starts and ends and was intrigued to hear what other people's opinions are on this.

tricky one,... i'm an 'everyone mind their own business' sort of girl really but that doesn't always work.

actually, i'm not going to sit on the fence here, i think it was wrong to do that... did they even speak to her and offer support first?

I don't think they have a duty of care.

Are YOU asking this with vested interest - are you the poster/poster's husband/a midwife/SS/in a similar situation? If so just say it now as it will be dragged out of you!

Forgot the 'you'.

Weeelll?

X post. Okay.

I'm fairly certain MN wouldn't do that.

How did they get her midwife's name/number?

I think the problem here is that although it may help this particular woman, it might deter people from posting their experiences of violence or abuse, for fear of being tracked down.

not everyone needs social services help though do they

i mean, she may have just needed advice or the number for womans aid.... like we do here

MW do ask nowdays if you are subject to domestic abuse don't they? The govt see's them as being in the front line & a good person to act?

It's quite invasive isn't it. I'd be totally shocked if MN intervened in my life like that, but thankfully I'm not in the position of being abused. It could end up a lot worse for that lady & an open forum of communication, advise & support may be lost to her now.

I'm not sure of the full story as I've only seen the post where she says that they were contacted and SS have been in touch, I've not seen the original post that prompted the contact. However, she does state that she was never seriously hurt by her partner. And that she had no idea that SS were being contacted.
I feel very uncomfortable about it and think that it was a gross breech of her confidentiality (I presume she posted anonymously for a reason). However, I think there are some situations where the authorities should be contacted, but I'm not sure where you'd draw the line.
It would seriously put me off seeking peer advice on line if there was a danger that I would be 'reported' to SS, not that I am or ever have been in that sort of situation.

Oh, and by 'some situations where the authorities should be contacted' I mean where there is clearly a serious and immediate threat to someone's life, and they ask for help.

there's no such thing as confidentiality on the internet

could you link the thread chaos?

No, I didn't really mean confidentiality, but I couldn't think of the right word.

I don't really want to link to the thread as I don't want it to become a NM/MN thing again, but if you want to search for it, it's under the topic 'Serious Stuff' and the title is 'Question for women who suffered DV in pregnancy'.

not saying it's right or wrong, but if you put information like that about yourself on a public forum you can expect all kinds of reactions, including RL action - people are always going to want to help

Here's a professional perspective (I manage supported housing schemes for vulnerable adults).

Take a look at your local authorities safeguarding policies (they should have one for vulnerable adults and one for children). It should state something along the lines that anyone who has believes that a vulnerable adult or child is being subject to abuse has a responsibility to report that abuse to the relevant safeguarding team.

The poster qualifies as a vulnerable adult due to her being in an abusive relationship. Arguably her unborn child qualifies as vulnerable. She is also a vulnerable adult as a result of her pregnancy.

Also bear in mind that it is horribly common that women (or men) in an abusive relationship do not report their partners because they don't recognise it as abuse, they think its their fault, they are frightened of the repurcussions etc etc. Without wanting to be too dramatic, people die because abuser's behaviour isn't addressed. Even if she states that she has never been seriously hurt, there is every chance that this may not be the case - again, it is common for victims of DV to play down the seriousness of their situation.

Personally, I think the right thing was done. Put it this way, if the abuser had gone onto the board and written that he was violent towards his pregnant partner, would you expect the board administrators to do nothing? The risks to her and her baby are exactly the same in both scenarios.

But how did they know who she was?

I've just read the thread over there and I think the 'supporter' is woefully naive about SS. She obviously hasn't read the threads on here about nightmares good Mums have had with SS.

Can someone confirm if the same rules apply here?

If I was her I'd be contacting a lawyer.