to think it's not ok wear an earring to school if the school doesn't allow earrings?

[Maylee]

Ok, so I don't think I'm being a judgey-pants on this ocassion but would be grateful for any insight from you all (or to be told that I'm being entirely unreasonable and judgey).

DS has just started reception and uniform policy is very clear - grey trousers, white shirts, no earrings or jewellry (applies to boys and girls). But there is this one boy in DS's class who comes to school with black jeans on and an earring in one ear.

Now, to be perfectly frank I do not see any reason why a 4 year old boy needs an earring but each to their own......

My problem is that his parents are blatantly violating the school's policy on uniform. So he is learning that it is ok to disobey the intructions given by the teachers and school. I mean, there is of course a time and a place for rsging against the machine but not at 4 years old surely?

As far as I'm aware there are no cultural, religious or health reasons which require this child to have an earring during school hours.

It's none of my business of course but just wanted to vent a bit here (as I would never say anything to this boy's mum!)and check whether I'm BU or judgey?

YANBU. Whilst the jeans wouldn't bother me - school uniform isn't legally enforcable anyway, and he can work perfectly well in jeans - earrings are banned on H&S grounds and the ways boys fight play, he could get hurt. At our dc's school you cannot wear any earrings at all and the recommendation is to get ears pierced at the start of the summer holiday. Every parent was supposed to sign an agreement to this fact (I didn't bother) but then I'm not going to allow my dc to get their ears pierced, either.

No I am talking about obeying rules, whatever they are. It is teaching kids to follow rules, and making them realise that they cannot break them to express their individuality, while the other kids have to obey them. There is not one rule for some cool kids and another rule for the squares. there is not one rule for MPs and another rule for the rest of us.

Zaposthrphe - why are you even bothering to post on a thread about this? Have you got a completely unfulfilled life or something?

Every school dd has been to has a no earrings rule.

In every school there have been children who flouted this rule.

It has made no difference to anything. I really don't see that it is anything to worry about.

I think people view earrings on children as an indication that there are common people in the vicinity.

I think it is a very good OP, because it is about rules and principles and the flouting of rules. It is not just about earrings, but has implications for all rules. Do principles count or don't they?

No, tend to think poor parenting from people who don't give a shit about the school rules, unless it suits them.

My son, when at primary school, asked me why teacher's children don't have to wear the uniform.
Yes, it is not about the earring, it is about a small sector being allowed to flout the rules.

"My son, when at primary school, asked me why teacher's children don't have to wear the uniform."

Exactly right. I wouldn't be surprised if the 4 year old with the earring and black trousers is the headteacher's son.

Wow, just read through some of the posts since last night.

Just to clarify, it is a mixed sex school where earrings are banned for both boys and girls.

Also to clarify, the little boy is definitely not the headteacher's son!

The reason it bothers me is that it reflects on the school as a whole - my son is part of that school community.

Also - and I'm completely prepared for an absolute flaming on this - the fact that this boy has the earring and back jeans says to me that his parents have no consideration for the rules or the community of the school. To that end, I would not be keen on my son being close friends with this boy. Fine with him playing together in school but not to any great extent and certainly not out of school.

There I've said it. It's completely unfair on this poor boy because it's not his fault. But the uniform issue tells me enough that I wouldn't want my son to pick up the same disrespect for authority.

Oh and zapostrophe - you'll see from my posts so far that I've been completely open to challenge on my views but I think your post was a bit mean to be honest

Getorf - The school is in the middle of a large social housing neighbourhood so most children are "common". We no longer live in the area but were lucky to get into that school as it is one of the best state primaries in the borough.

There are hardly any m/c children there at all so it's not as though this boy particularly stands out in any other respect.

Maylee, I can understand your point entirely. You don't want your son picking up bad habits from this boy, and I wouldn't want my DS to pick up this disrespect for authority either. It is clearly not the little boy's fault, it is entirely the fault of his irresponsible parents. It is also the fault of the school for allowing it and not stamping down on the parents.

What - the post about an unfulfilled life? -Sheesh - honestly, it's such a ridiculous thing to say it's not even worth giving it a second thought.

Completely get where you are coming from re not getting involved with the family. There are 3 boys in DDs primary class who have consistently flouted the uniform rule from P1, with earrings, no tie/school sweatshirt, highlighted hair - you get the picture. They are now in P7 and are now exhibiting the same lack of respect for the school rules and ethos that their parents do.

At that age it's not the KID that's disrespecting the school - and teachers know this. It's the parents, who quite possibly haven't even thought about wearing anything other than the school sweatshirt being "uniform" as such. Could be deliberate defiance on their part, could be trying to maintain individuality (judge how you will), could just be genuine lack-of-clue-ness (frighteningly more common than you'd think).

I've come across these kids regularly - never judge them on their appearance, indeed quite often sadly they're really fab and eager to please kids just from home backgrounds of utter hell. They're the saddest ones of all.

Personally I think earrings have no place in primary schools at all (get them pierced during the 6 weeks) - but we know how that particular little battle goes.

YANBU.

I spend a lot of my time in my DC playground trying to keep my mouth shut. At DS school, those who dont come in uniform get given the right coloured jumper to wear for the day. The jumpers are washed and available for any child without uniform. However, at the beginning of term a girl in DS class came to school in black jumper, she was given a red, school colour, one to wear for the day. Her mum was kicking off in the playground because this had 'belittled' and 'embarassed' her. Buttoned lip to avoid an argument but surely if you were othered about embarassing your child you would spend £2 on a school jumper for them?

Nordic's responses worried me, until I realised how young her DC are. When one of her DC comes home with a line of fingerprints around their throat, as DSS did earlier in the year, inflicted by a child who has no respect for the rules, she will probably feel differently. ALl rules should be adhered to, it's not pick and mix. When parents encourage rule breaking at 4, children are happy to break them even more y 7 or 8.

The school unfortunately can not do anything about the jeans as legally they can not enforce a uniform in a state primary school, they can just suggest a uniform code is adopted.

The earring is another matter and I would have thouth they were well within their rights on health and safety grounds to ban them.

This makes me feel judgy too. Not so much about the actual earring/jeans - more about the parents setting him up to be alienated. It's not fair on a small child.

ballstoit
I hope the school took action?

Blimey , I didn't realise primary schools couldn't legally enforce a uniform rule. Since when has this existed? Is it recent or has it been like that for years?

That's right - primary schools can't enforce uniform. I'm not sure if they've even been able to - but in days gone by there was more overall respect for rules and less time spent being concerned for the human rights of the child who isn't allowed his earring or highlights

It has been like that for year claig. It is usually somewhere in the very small print of a schools uniform policy but they don't publicice it.

It doesn't apply to secondary and they can enforce rules like no strappy sandals or crocs or jewellery that are for safety reasons.

Same thing happened with ds. He got an earring over teh summer, went to school and was told he wasnt allowed it so had to remove it and has lost the hole. DIfference being he is 15.

At our tiny village school children turn up in all manner of things which are not part of the uniform, including pink socks different coloured trousers/skirts when it's supposed to be grey.

I do judge too and think FGS how difficult is it to throw together a blue polo and grey trousers?

Never know if it's a genuine reason eg washing machine breaking down etc or just the smug mother who thinks anything goes/rules don't apply to their creative genius in the making.

YANBU but judgy which of course on AIBU is fine.

That's news to me too. I always thought that consistent uniform violation could be dealt with through detention, suspension, etc.

Nonetheless, it is still the school's policy though and I struggle to see why parents of a 4 year old would wish to defy those rules.

Someone asked me earlier whether I have ever broken any rules and the answer is yes. Of course I have! But there has almost always been a point or a prinicple behind the rule break. And I struggle to see the point or pinciple behind the earring (the black jeans perhaps might mean parents can't afford school trousers.....I don't know).

ONly in secondary schools Maylee, not primary.