to think it's not ok wear an earring to school if the school doesn't allow earrings?

[Maylee]

Ok, so I don't think I'm being a judgey-pants on this ocassion but would be grateful for any insight from you all (or to be told that I'm being entirely unreasonable and judgey).

DS has just started reception and uniform policy is very clear - grey trousers, white shirts, no earrings or jewellry (applies to boys and girls). But there is this one boy in DS's class who comes to school with black jeans on and an earring in one ear.

Now, to be perfectly frank I do not see any reason why a 4 year old boy needs an earring but each to their own......

My problem is that his parents are blatantly violating the school's policy on uniform. So he is learning that it is ok to disobey the intructions given by the teachers and school. I mean, there is of course a time and a place for rsging against the machine but not at 4 years old surely?

As far as I'm aware there are no cultural, religious or health reasons which require this child to have an earring during school hours.

It's none of my business of course but just wanted to vent a bit here (as I would never say anything to this boy's mum!)and check whether I'm BU or judgey?

YANBU. The parents are irresponsible. The child is probably the headteacher's son.

a 4yr boy with an earing? how chavvy!!!

if no ear rings are allowed, whether girl or boy then school should ask to remove it

but if girls can wear them, then only fair that a chav 4yr boy can wear his - equal oportunites etc

i dont see the harm in studs, that is what our school said, but i often wore hoops or dangly anchors (was 26years ago in my defence) and no one said take them out

It's just the beginning, believe me. There are a huge number of parents who actively encourage their children to disobey school rules, and it gets to be over far more serious issues than the dress code. Although the dress code will remain a constant theme in the subversion. The parents who don't let their little darling come to detention really used to piss me off. As did the ones who took their children out of school to go and pick up the new Xbox on the day it was released, like some kind of weird feast day.

but why does it affect the op if "the ethics and rules of the school are undermined by other parents" (not being arsey by the way!)

that has nothing to do with her child...

There are some schools here where they have opted out of the uniform policy, i walk past 2 on my way to work, my DS will NOT be attending either.

Uniforms serve a purpose, anyone not smart enough to realise that,, well i don't want my son going to school with theirs tbh.

Because a school is a community, not a disparate gathering of random individuals who happened to meet together by chance every day. It's easier to learn in an environment where everyone is singing from the same song sheet iyswim.

Rules are there for the good of the community, and you are teaching your children how to belong to that community by encouraging to follow the rules. Conversely imo by encouraging your children to actively disobey school rules (at an age where most children will be quite keen to fit in) you are teaching your children not to be cutely edgy but to challenge the whole system at its core. The teacher and school lose their moral authority over the child and the child fails to engage with the learning because they don't feel they have to.

As to whether or not it is reasonable to ban earrings, that is a completely separate issue. It's just not to be challenged on an ad hoc basis by one 4 yo.

"but why does it affect the op if "the ethics and rules of the school are undermined by other parents" (not being arsey by the way!)

that has nothing to do with her child..."

Of course it has something to do with her child. It is about fairness and playing by the rules. It's like saying that we shouldn't care about the MPs having their hands in the till and taking our taxes for their expense claims. They thought there was one rule for them and one rule for us. This kid's parents think there is one rule for him and one rule for all the rest of the children. Openly breaking rules like this will encourage others to follow and the school's system of rules and discipline will be undermined, which will harm the education of all of the children in that school.

YANBU. Rules are there for a reason at school - ignoring one gives the wrong message about the rest.

LOL why are you even bothered, it's not affecting anyone else is it?

At the DC's school earrings are not banned as such but it is not allowed in KS1 for the simple reason that the children cannot take them off and put them on themselves for P.E. There was a child who used to wear earrings to school everyday and her mother had her excused from P.E. (!!) because she was afraid that the holes might close up. Quite a weird reason to keep the child off P.E. but none of my business of course. Maybe the boy in your DS's class has a similar reason.

What can the school do? Really? I mean, the boy doesn't have any say in his earring, his jeans. And if the parents refuse to follow the rules, punishing a four year old is simply unfair.

Surely they can send teh boy home until the parents get the message. Otherwise parents can just stick their fingers up to the school.

Perhaps it might be an idea for schools to have more powers to remove children from their books if the parents don't abide by their rules? Then the parents are left in no doubt as to what their repsonsibilities are and what happens (to their child) if they choose to break them.

Maryz, I do judge the parents, but I also think that the boy is not to blame. And, yes, he'll probably be the feral nightmare in five years time, but for now he's just four, and I think that the school should aim to protect him.

Actually, I realise I've got no idea what point I'm trying to make, but I do feel sorry for the boy.

Shoot him. It's an outrage. An outrage. Is he a homosexual?

Why would the school 'protect' him - unless he's on the at risk register? Obviously we don't know if he is, but I would imagine it's more a case of the parents sticking 2 fingers up at the school (and getting away with it)

my son is 4 and my daughter 20 months. sorry i didnt read your post maryz.

I agree there is no reason for young children having their ears pierced at all. I dont think there is anything wrong with aloowing your child to express themselves through what they wear (older children not primary school) obviously it has to be age appropriate (earings at 4 not).

just because a child dousnt want to wear a particular thing dousnt mean they are going to do their homework when they are older..id much rather have a child that felt strongly enough to say actually i dont feel that i should have to dress like everyone else and be turned into just another number, have my individuality and creativity curbed because its easier for a teacher to feel they have control over me.

people in the real dont (grown ups) dont all dress the same so why force teenagers too?

this has become an awful lot about older children so i apologise for the digression lol

It's called a school uniform, and is worn in the same way as other uniforms or dress codes when you go into the workplace - think of it as a valuable life lesson.

It has nothing to do with curbing freedom of expression blah blah and everything to do with encouraging a sense of belonging and pride, of safety, of equity and of adhering to the rules set out in your community/school/workplace. Individuality should come from within, not expressed by sticking your kids in something that does not meet the expected dress code and piercing their ear at age 4.

Maylee, I am completely with you on this. It really bugs me when parents completely ignore school rules. Their children going to grow up with no respect for rules of any kind.

Obvioulsy at 4 it isn't the childs fault but he isn't going to learn much from parents like that.

Then you need to send your children to schools that don't have rules against it. Should people who want to express themselves be allowed to hold loud parties at 1am?, or be allowed to dispense with seat belts?

your comparing seatbelts and uniform? there is no health hazard involved with jeans. trying to say that children are so unitelligent to understand the difference in the importance of a safety rule ie seatbelts and choosing their own clothes is just silly. but again i am talking about teenagers not the 4yr old