'Ahhh, wouldn't you rather have a girl?'

[stillfrazzled]

Sorry, I know there have been a lot of gender threads this week.

Am 21 weeks pg with DS2 - scan confirmed gender last week and have been mentioning this to people at work etc if they ask how I'm doing.

On Friday, no less than THREE people asked if I wasn't disappointed and hadn't I wanted a girl.

I am a bit and that people are effectively inviting me to express disappointment about a real live (if unborn) baby.

So would IBU to say, politely: "Well, I've had two miscarriages since New Year's Day and this pregnancy looked like it wasn't viable for the first trimester. I'm too grateful for a baby to quibble about what's between its legs."

I don't want to be horrible, but I would quite like to make sure they think twice before asking such a daft question again.

[In the interests of total honesty, I have to admit that if I had been given a free choice, I would have liked one of each. But even so]

Go ahead and say it. People just say the daftest things at times. You can't change the sex so what are they/you supposed to do if you said you didn't want a girl?

FWIW I have both sexes and it would have been a whole lot easier if I had just had the one.

I think baby boys are cuter anyway [ducks missiles]

I would say it!

I'm in the same boat and expecting DS2 in December. Have had those questions several times - everyone else seems to have been convinced that this one was going to be a girl. Have no idea why! My favourite one is the way that before the scan, everyone was saying how 2 kids was enough, don't have any more, etc, etc. Now that I don't have a girl, everyone is saying that we can "always try for one later on"...

I have to say that everytime I see the adverts for Lelli Kelly shoes or Barbie dolls, part of me is relieved

I used to think like this. I so wanted dc2 to be another girl. He was a boy!!

If I ever (unlikely) got pregnant again and it was a girl I'd push it back up again. Seriously.

I know what you mean pinkbasket. In a way I was a little disappointed to not have two of the same sex. It would have been so lovely to reuse clothes etc.

OP people can be so insensitive.

Oh it isn't about reusing clothes but I can see that is a bonus, busybusylady.

Have just been round to visit our new CM who has FOUR boys - a wonderful, fun, interesting and diverse bunch of children they are too.

I am soooo bored of this constant gender stereotyping of children and desire for the 'perfect' family, i.e. one of each. Boring in the extreme.

You'll get used to it though - I have!

No. tell them to sod off.

Btw, I meant the gender stereotyping was boring not having one of each!

Dont take it personally people say some daft shit sometimes...i have 2 girls and I'm forever being asked if I want a boy!...I nope and thats the end of that conversation..

People say things without thinking or even meaning anything at all.

My answer would be along the lines of 'Well we were hoping for a fluffy kitten'

I agree with pinkbasket OP.. get em told!

we have the old boy v girl gender comments all the time..halfway through my pregnancy SIL announced that she too was pregnant, she already had 2DD. I didn't want to find out the sex of my baby till the birth but she did as she desperatly wanted the 'first' to have a boy, even tho i was due first. She found out she was having another girl. 10 weeks later.... i had the first boy! i bet i get at least 100 comments a week about how girls are better.... grrr!

Suzie - I said I was hoping for a baby when I was asked what I was hoping for. Didn't go down well at all.

I don't take it personally, exactly, and I know it wouldn't bother me nearly so much if I hadn't had the miscarriages and scares.

But after the worst seven months of our lives, just being pg at this stage feels like a victory and it's not nice to have people acting like it's a problem, instead.

Also, I suspect that I'm going to get VERY bored with people saying similarly stupid things for the rest of my life... gaaaah...

Shineon, I really like reading your posts so don't take this the wrong way, but - why open the bloody thing if you're not interested?

And I don't want another boy v girl debate (agree those get old), I had a specific question: would it be OK to go into a bit of detail about my recent history in order to hopefully STOP people asking such dumb questions. It might even mean that one day, another woman doesn't have to start a similar thread on MN.

You should be whole-heartedly in support

Once we knew DD2 was a girl, and then again when she ws born we had loads of people (including the nurses at the hospital) commenting that we'd 'have to have a third... hopefully you'd get a boy then'. My reply was, "we were told we probably couldn't have another baby at all and are delighted with a girl".

It is frustrating that people assume that's what you think; I'd had numerous miscarriages and almost died as the result of a ruptured ectopic so really really didn't mind what gender DC2 was, I was delighted that she and I both made it.

still the thing is people really dont know you history and say standard stuff..and yes you will be very bored..but they want to say something so let them say it...I'll say to you what I say to myself and good friends..'Rise above it ...like and Eagle!'

Fair dos.

Sorry to decoy you in on false pretences

Techincally you know the sex. You don't find out the gender until later on, although in most cases it's the same. :)

Ok, prissy pedantry over. In answer to the question, I think it's entirely appropriate to point out to these people that they're being ridiculous, and also insensitive. A lot of people who are pregnant will be extremely relieved that the baby is healthy, will possibly be on their last chance to have a child, and I'd imagine the vast majority won't want their baby criticised either way - so saying 'oh dear, that's disappointing' or 'you should try again' is just ick.

Never apologise for interesting pedantry - especially on MN

You're also right that it does feel like DS2 is being criticised. And there's a little bit of guilt making it worse, because secretly I would have liked a girl (not anything against fabulous adorable DS1 - I'd have him all over again in a heartbeat - but an irrational fear of one day being the MIL to TWO resentful DILs. There are a LOT of dysfunctional MIL/DIL rships around me).

But as DH has pointed out, getting that right is really up to me more than anyone else...

Well, if you don't mind the pedantry, then I'll also point out that even if you had a girl, she might still have brought you a DIL?

Come to think of it though, I hadn't even thought of the idea that I'll be an in-law some day. Whole new things to get wrong there.