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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell off someone else's kids in a restaurant?

84 replies

CheeseChomper · 25/09/2010 14:48

When out for a meal with DP last night (only Pizza Express, nothing too fancy!), and we were sat right next to a table for two where two young girls (10ish) were sat at. Their mums were sat on another table within sight in the restaurant, and i'm guessing the girls were allowed a table together as a treat, which is fine.

However, the girls were, in my opinion, behaving totally inapropriately for a restaurant, chucking a napkin around (so it landed on a lady behind them, who had a word), and then getting up and running around, before standing having a tickle fight so they nearly piled into DP and my table.

As a result, I let rip slightly, and told them "can you SIT DOWN PLEASE, THIS IS A RESTAURANT NOT A PLAYGROUND" rather loudly . I stand by what I said, but felt like a bit of a grouchy old tit (i'm only 26 ) and DP was mortified by my outburst. Their parents didn't seem to give two shits though.

Possibly pg hormomes (i'm expecting my first), but am I unreasonable to expect parents to make sure their kids behave when out and about? Nothing against children being out in the evening though, as there were loads of well-behaved ones around. What also got me is these kids didn't seem to care that they were being told off and just shrugged and giggled- when I was that age i'd have been mortified to have been told off by another adult!

OP posts:

diddl · 26/09/2010 11:58

Plonker, I didn´t realise that this thread was about you.

notso · 26/09/2010 12:01

YANBU last time we went for a family meal it was ruined by the people on the next table who let their children run round and scream the whole time while the parents half heartedly said "Ged 'ere" and issued loud but empty threats to strap them in the car,smack them and not give them dessert.

pointydog · 26/09/2010 12:50

It could be argued that the children in the op were not doing anything "wrong". And the mums were with them, within sight.

It's not much of a difference at all, mama.

plonker · 26/09/2010 13:04

Diddl, it isn't. What an odd thing to say.

In your original post you said that letting children have their own table was a trick parents use to avoid responsibility for the evening. When I wrote my reply to OP, I stated that I allow my child to sit alone because it allows her to feel grown up and responsible, and that it's nothing to do with avoiding responsibility.

You quoted me directly then and then said that in your opinion, I am abdicated responsibility if they are annoying others & I do nothing about it.

My second post is a response to that. Nothing more.

Anyway, this is starting to feel like a playground arguement. So I'm leaving it there. Here have a

Quattrocento · 26/09/2010 13:11

YANBU

In fact I think that had I had a glass of wine I would have gone to the parents and asked them why they weren't taking responsibility for their children's behaviour. You were mild, I reckon.

diddl · 26/09/2010 13:21

"In your original post you said that letting children have their own table was a trick parents use to avoid responsibility for the evening"

It was an obviously failed attempt at humour.

I didn´t think that anyone who lets their children have a table but keeps an eye on them would take it seriously or indeed think that it applied to them at all.

plonker · 26/09/2010 13:33

Tbh I didn't take it seriously or think it applied to me until you quoted me directly in your second post.

But hey ho, I accept that my sense of humour isn't what it should be today ...

giveitago · 26/09/2010 13:39

Those kids sound out of order but my dh runs a restaurant that is known for being child friendly.

I worry that kids are scampering around when waiting staff are walkind around with hot food - but he's never had reason to tell parents to rein their kids in a bit -but I guess that each client has different expectations.

I'd say something politely to both kids and their parents and take it from there.

Pizza express - never been there so no idea what you are talking about in terms of atmosphere.

megapixels · 26/09/2010 13:57

YANBU. I would happy if you'd said that to my kids if they were behaving like that.

diddl · 26/09/2010 14:25

My mistake, Plonker.

I thought that you were taking it personally because you took something general that I had written & applied it to yourself.

Acanthus · 26/09/2010 14:29

It sounds to me as though you said something along the lines of what a teacher might say in school. Nothing wrong with that.

Bugrit · 26/09/2010 15:24

yanbu

Heracles · 26/09/2010 18:02

Where are all the people who were outraaaaaaaaged at the woman in the shop telling off their child?

Kids are people too, so if you're happy expressing displeasure at other people (good for the blood-pressure imo) then go for your life. That said, there's a ton of difference between behaviour in a restaurant and behaviour in a Pizza Express (not denigrating the place - one look at me would indicate my relationship with pizza...).

mamatomany · 26/09/2010 22:21

"It could be argued that the children in the op were not doing anything "wrong". And the mums were with them, within sight.

It's not much of a difference at all, mama.'

Massive difference between a two year old in a pushchair and a ten year old running around wouldn't you say pointy ?

newwave · 26/09/2010 22:44

Not that long ago I was in a Costa Coffee with a male colleague, we was sitting down with drinks and papers on the table (plus laptop) discussing a project. Nearby was a group of about five mothers who had probably dropped of their kids to school, the younger children who with them thought the place was a playground, running around etc, and said mothers were doing very little to calm them down.

One of them pushed another who landed in part on our table knocking coffee all over the papers and his trousers, my colleague said "for fucks sake" whereon the mother came and complained about him swearing at her child. He said never mind your brat will you be paying for my dry cleaning, she walked away without a word.

Later the group could be seen sniggering with the mother looking over her shoulder at us.

My colleague had been given a new coffee by a member of staff which he didnt touch.

As we were leaving he walked up to the mother and said I think this is yours and poured a full cup of coffee over head.

I still laugh about it sometimes, the look on her face was brilliant.

PinkieMinx · 26/09/2010 22:47

He sounds like a twunt to me but you laugh away!

newwave · 26/09/2010 22:53

Pinkie, why was he, if she had apologised no more would have been said but she took the piss and paid for it. He swore about what happend not at the kid.

Had it been me I would have done it and sat back down sniggering.

So please explain why he is a twunt or do you put up with crap from other people.

TheButterflyEffect · 26/09/2010 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newwave · 26/09/2010 22:59

No cartoon or dream, Costa Coffee or maybe Nero in Crouch End or Muswell Hill in summer 2009, sorry I cant be more specific but I do tend to frequent a lot of coffee shops whilst doing my job (because they have WiFi.

Is it assault?, I dont know, is it?.

What would you have done? walked out with someone sniggering behind your back.

backwardpossom · 26/09/2010 23:05

What would you have done? walked out with someone sniggering behind your back.

Yes, knowing that I was the better person.

mamatomany · 26/09/2010 23:06

It is assault he was damned lucky to get away with that and it's pretty disgusting behavior, two wrongs don't make a right do they ?

TheButterflyEffect · 26/09/2010 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newwave · 26/09/2010 23:10

Yes, knowing that I was the better person.

Good for you (not sarcastic) I believe the woman and maybe her friends learnt a valuable lesson that morning (what goes around comes around) and i dont doubt she is more aware and concerned about how her kids behave in public.

As I said an apology to him would have been sufficient but he got "attitude" and no concern for his papers or clothing from her.

mamatomany · 26/09/2010 23:14

She was wrong too, but since when did walking away from somebody who has just been rude to you, (he called her child a brat, hardly going to get the best reaction from anyone), justify assaulting somebody ?
It's the same as somebody running over your foot with a pram getting a thump or worse. The toddler didn't spill his drink on purpose.
I despair some times at human nature.

newwave · 26/09/2010 23:33

If it had been my kid I would have accepted his anger/annoyance and apologised offered money for the dry cleaning and paid for a new coffee. I would have understood I was in the wrong for allowing my child to run around the shop.

As for the brat comment it was after she had a go about his swearing AT her child which he did not do, he did however swear in front of her child which was in the heat of the moment (and the coffee)

As for my laughing it was mainly at her shock in getting back what she was happy for another to receive.

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