Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell off someone else's kids in a restaurant?

84 replies

CheeseChomper · 25/09/2010 14:48

When out for a meal with DP last night (only Pizza Express, nothing too fancy!), and we were sat right next to a table for two where two young girls (10ish) were sat at. Their mums were sat on another table within sight in the restaurant, and i'm guessing the girls were allowed a table together as a treat, which is fine.

However, the girls were, in my opinion, behaving totally inapropriately for a restaurant, chucking a napkin around (so it landed on a lady behind them, who had a word), and then getting up and running around, before standing having a tickle fight so they nearly piled into DP and my table.

As a result, I let rip slightly, and told them "can you SIT DOWN PLEASE, THIS IS A RESTAURANT NOT A PLAYGROUND" rather loudly Blush. I stand by what I said, but felt like a bit of a grouchy old tit (i'm only 26 Grin) and DP was mortified by my outburst. Their parents didn't seem to give two shits though.

Possibly pg hormomes (i'm expecting my first), but am I unreasonable to expect parents to make sure their kids behave when out and about? Nothing against children being out in the evening though, as there were loads of well-behaved ones around. What also got me is these kids didn't seem to care that they were being told off and just shrugged and giggled- when I was that age i'd have been mortified to have been told off by another adult!

OP posts:
pigletmania · 25/09/2010 15:58

If their parents are not going to correct them then who is. I know that at that age, if I had got told off like that by a stranger it would shock me to never do that again.

GypsyMoth · 25/09/2010 16:01

yanbu......my dc (5 of them)would listen to you,and perhaps be a little mortified too. but then they would spend rest of night sat nicely at their table,but arguing over whose fault it was that they got into trouble!!! so you'd be listening to that too!!

Original poster
CheeseChomper · 25/09/2010 16:17

Phew, i'm glad to have it reinforced that I wasn't a moody cow and that I was justified! I think I base kids behaviour and how it should be on how I was brought up- my parents were great fun and laid back in some ways, but when it came to manners and public behaviour they were shit-hot, and I hope to be the same way too when little one arrives!

OP posts:
albertcamus · 25/09/2010 16:34

YA NOT BU

My three were always well-behaved in restaurants & disgusted with what other kids were allowed to get away with. Now they are in their early 20s, they get even more annoyed. What's the point of paying to go out (from their parents' point of view) if the kids are going to spoil it for them/other people. Parents like that bring the sensible majority into disrepute, hence UK seems like a child-unfriendly place.

I've led lots of school trips all over the world, one of the key points is to let kids enjoy themselves together, but with respect to other people in their environment. I always emphasise this to the parents pre-departure. Nothing worse than annoyed neighbouring diners. Kids love being together but need to know the boundaries.

prozacfairy · 25/09/2010 18:44

YANBU I wouldn't let my 3 year old behave that way. 10 is plenty old enough to know what is appropriate and what isn't while people are eating.

activate · 25/09/2010 18:48

did they apologise and sit down and behave?

If they did you did the right thing

and if they didn't you did the right thing and they're just badly brought up

Vallhala · 25/09/2010 18:52

YANBU.

jonicomelately · 25/09/2010 19:00

YANBU.

RunawayWife · 25/09/2010 19:07

YANBU

deaddei · 25/09/2010 19:08

I would have said something too.
Good on you.

pilates · 25/09/2010 19:10

YANBU

mumbar · 25/09/2010 19:13

YANBU I think at any age if you can sit alone then you can behave - my DS 6 and friends DD 5&6 ask to sit alone at next table - they are bought back if behaviour is bad Grin

Actually when another adult has had to tell DS off (not often!) I always tell him I'm dissappointed that he had to be told off by someone else Grin

PinkieMinx · 25/09/2010 20:20

YANBU - but am Shock at the parents! I'd have had a word with them - maybe asked them to change tables with their little terrors darlings Smile
If I had misbehaved when treated to a table of my own I'd have been taken straight home, smacked bum & no dinner! I would def have taken my own DC away from their special table, after the napkin thing, let alone the tickle fight!
(Although the tickle fight sounds sweet Blush)

pointydog · 25/09/2010 20:23

There's a few posters on another thread who strongly object to another adult telling off their child.

Yanbu but watch out!

PinkieMinx · 25/09/2010 20:25

Where's that pointy?
Surely not if they were neglecting to fulfill that role themselves & putting others out????

pointydog · 25/09/2010 20:26

Oh it was a good few days ago. I don't really want to dredge it up again.

Serendippy · 25/09/2010 20:34

YANBU

mymotherisveryold · 25/09/2010 20:50

I would say that if you would be prepared to call up an adult on this behaviour then it is fine to call up a child.

plonker · 25/09/2010 21:25

I have a 10yo.

I would have happily let her sit on a table with her friends - she feels very grown up and responsible when we allow her to do this (nothing to do with "avoiding responsibility for the evening")

I would have told her in no uncertain terms that she was behaving irresponsibly if she had behaved as you described. She would have been asked to apologise and brought back to the table and made to sit with us, as obviously she couldn't be trusted.

In the absence of the parents disciplining the children, IMO YANBU. I wouldn't have "let rip" though. A little word should normally suffice? If that doesn't do the trick then I would have complained to the waitress/manager. I wouldn't have liked you (or anyone) shouting at my children, but to be perfectly honest, you'd have had to get a telling off in pretty quick to beat me Wink

loveinsuburbia · 25/09/2010 21:50

YANBU to want them to behave but I think you should've spoken to either their parents or staff. I do think YAB a little U to go straight for raising your voice at them without trying to talk to them properly first.

pocketmonster · 25/09/2010 21:51

YANBU

mybabywakesupsinging · 26/09/2010 00:11

Mine are 5+3. But even when younger they would not have been allowed to do this.
It is a restaurant and there are people walking around with plates of hot food - not safe - as well as unfair to other customers.
YANBU and I think fine to speak to children directly if school age or above.

diddl · 26/09/2010 08:22

"I would have happily let her sit on a table with her friends - she feels very grown up and responsible when we allow her to do this (nothing to do with "avoiding responsibility for the evening")"

But you are (imo) abdicated responsibility if they are annoying others & you do nothing about it.

mamatomany · 26/09/2010 11:04

"There's a few posters on another thread who strongly object to another adult telling off their child.

Yanbu but watch out!"

That's not strictly true, people objected to the child in that case being told off as the mother was stood with the child and the child wasn't doing anything wrong.

plonker · 26/09/2010 11:34

"But you are (imo) abdicated responsibility if they are annoying others & you do nothing about it."

If you cared to read the rest of my post diddl, you would have seen that she would have been watched closely and if she had behaved as OP described, she would have been asked to apologise and brought back to the table and made to sit with us, as obviously she couldn't be trusted.

I am not abdicating responsibility at all Hmm
She is a child, and quite clearly my responsibility whether she's sat next to me, across the room or next door. I allow her the freedom to show that she can behave appropriately and if she chose not to do that, then there are consequences.

So, I stand by what I said, I would have happily let her sit on a table with her friends as she feels very grown up and responsible when we allow her to do this. It's nothing to do with "avoiding responsibility for the evening".

I cannot speak for others ...