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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with SIL and Childminder??

95 replies

luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:10

We have been invited to a wedding nxt weekend.. asked months ago one of dh's very good friends.. agreed that i would go..

Asked the cm if she could look after the dcs. no problem.. noticed on fb about a month ago that a friend was having her 30th on the same day and that my sil had accepted the invited.. reconfirmed with the cm that i definitely had her booked so that if sil asked her she would say that she was already busy... (sil has just started using the same cm as me)

got text from sil this am asking if it would be all right for her and bil to stay over at my house nxt sat so that cm could babysit for them as well as my two..

i asked sil if the cm had agreed to this and apparently she said that would be ok..

now that would mean that i would have the cm/bil/sil/nephew all staying at my house when i am not even there!!! Also if the cm agreed to look after my two why didn't she tell sil that she was already tied up??

OP posts:

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 25/09/2010 14:13

Are you sure the cm wasn't ram raided into it - can you just say no

LoveBeingInvitedToTheVIPSale · 25/09/2010 14:15

I think it'll be a case of sil suggested it all and cm told her to talk to you. Sil is saying it as if it is agreed to try and make sure you say yes.

pinkbasket · 25/09/2010 14:15

You don't have to agree to them staying.

You need to ask your CM how she really feels about it.

She is allowed to mind other children at the same time as yours in the week so why the annoyance at the weekend?

diddl · 25/09/2010 14:16

Why would everyone have to be at your house?

Why isn´t cm haven´t your children at hers, in which case it is surely up to her whether or not she has other children as well?

StealthPolarBear · 25/09/2010 14:17

I don't understand this? Why does it matter to you who else your CM looks after? And why do they have to stay at yours?

Hassled · 25/09/2010 14:17

Yes, it would have been very hard for the CM to say no, especially as she probably thought you knew all about the plan. Don't blame the CM.

Is the thought of them all staying there really such a problem? Are you worried the CM won't cope with so many?

Original poster

luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:18

thanks for coming back to me ..

no not 100% sure if cm was ramraided but being having issues with the cm since she started looking after dnephew along side my dc..

cm went away last week during school term and i ended up having to look after dnephew for sil as she couldn't get time off work.. also cm called for me to collect dc early on the only day she was there this week as she had to go somewhere but didn't call sil!!!

Just angry that if someone agrees to do something for you, they should be committed to you and not agreeing to look after others {even if u are related to them)!

OP posts:

insertexpletive · 25/09/2010 14:19

So, was the cm coming to your house to look after your dc or were they going to her house?

If the cm is registered to look after 3 or 4 children and is used to looking after all of them together (you said sil uses her regularly too) then not realy an issue for her to look after them all together is it?

Can understand why you may not want them to all stay at your house, but can you not just lay down some ground rules (like you want the house tidy for when you return)

Is it really worth falling out over if you still get to go to the wedding and are happy that your dc will be well cared for?

BubbaAndBump · 25/09/2010 14:19

Why does it bother you so much if they're all at yours? Won't it be nice for your DCs to have their cousins there too for the w/end, especially if you're not going to be there?

gorionine · 25/09/2010 14:19

Are you annoyed because they will all be at yours or bcause CM will share her time between more children than just yours?

Would it make a difference if all the children + CM were staying at your SIL?

Original poster

luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:21

The wedding is a couple of hours away from where we live so the cm agreed to look after dcs for the day and overnight and will be paid very well...

bil/sil want to go out on the evening and want the cm to mind their dc so he would go to sleep at ours/ and then they would stay at ours to be there for dnephew in the morning...

OP posts:

gorionine · 25/09/2010 14:21

"Just angry that if someone agrees to do something for you, they should be committed to you and not agreeing to look after others {even if u are related to them)!"

Presumably minding children brings her an income and she has not signed an exclusive contract with you?

pinkbasket · 25/09/2010 14:22

Is your SIL paying her as well?

Original poster

luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:24

when i asked the cm if she would look after the dcs she had no problem with this at all.. when i found out that the 30th was one the same day, i reconfirmed with the cm that i definitely had her booked {she is actually a friensds mum not an official cm iykwim) and she said yes def got u booked..

i said ok as i told her that sil had accepted a birthday invitation on the same day and she said again no problem i am booked with you..

OP posts:

Original poster

luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:25

No contract as mentioned in a previous post, she is just a friend's mum who looks after the dcs

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 25/09/2010 14:26

I see..I think, in which case yanbu

pinkbasket · 25/09/2010 14:26

Then she is working illegally and you will have no comeback with no registration and no contract. You only asked if she was booked with you, not if she was going to take more children on.

ruddynorah · 25/09/2010 14:26

so this isn't for you SIL to go to the wedding as well?! how odd of her to suggest this.

diddl · 25/09/2010 14:28

I think if cm is having your children all day, & nephew only in evening in time for his parents to go out, then what´s the problem?

Also, could cm go home when BIL & SIL return so that you don´t have to pay her for overnight?

gorionine · 25/09/2010 14:28

I think there must have been a breakdown in communication somewhere down the lin though. Possibly when you asked and she confirmed with you that "she was booked with you" she meant that she would not let you down and would look asfter your Dcs but did not think she would not be allowed to lookafter anyone else?

gorionine · 25/09/2010 14:29

Sorry for typos, My fingers ar frozen but there is no way I am turning the heater on befor october!

Laquitar · 25/09/2010 14:29

Are you going to pay the same rate as if she looked after only yours?
I think you could negociate a small discount. Then everybody wins.

What about the food? If i was in sil's shoes i would offer to provide the cm's food (as you are providing the house=heating cost).

diddl · 25/09/2010 14:32

What I would have a problem with though is cm accepting extra work in my house iyswim.

stressheaderic · 25/09/2010 14:32

diddl's suggestion is an excellent one and makes the most sense.

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 25/09/2010 14:35

Gorionine - I see this as a separate arrangement to the childminding ie adhoc babysitting - would you like it if your babysitter agreed to have other children at your home, when she is being paid exclusively to look after your child?

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