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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with SIL and Childminder??

95 replies

luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:10

We have been invited to a wedding nxt weekend.. asked months ago one of dh's very good friends.. agreed that i would go..

Asked the cm if she could look after the dcs. no problem.. noticed on fb about a month ago that a friend was having her 30th on the same day and that my sil had accepted the invited.. reconfirmed with the cm that i definitely had her booked so that if sil asked her she would say that she was already busy... (sil has just started using the same cm as me)

got text from sil this am asking if it would be all right for her and bil to stay over at my house nxt sat so that cm could babysit for them as well as my two..

i asked sil if the cm had agreed to this and apparently she said that would be ok..

now that would mean that i would have the cm/bil/sil/nephew all staying at my house when i am not even there!!! Also if the cm agreed to look after my two why didn't she tell sil that she was already tied up??

OP posts:
diddl · 25/09/2010 14:36

"diddl's suggestion is an excellent one and makes the most sense."Blush

Forgot to add-unless they are both going to come back pissed, of course.

gorionine · 25/09/2010 14:39

I would notlike it if it was in my home and with unknown children but with my own nephews, I would really have no problem at all.

Now, WRT payment, are you certain that your SIL is not also paying her? Has SIL convinced CM you were fine with it without consulting you?

Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:42

sorry guys i am useless at giving all the facts Blush..

both bil/sil would come back pissed!! They would not even consider looking after my dcs until we came back from the wedding!!!

i think that i am just annoyed as i do not really get on that well with my sil, she knew i had asked the cm to look after the dcs on this particular weekend and that she thinks and the cm that i would just agree to let them all stay in my house!!

OP posts:
Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:45

sil will definitely be paying her for babysitting for them..

just feel like i am a walk over iykwim and i will just go along with it.. i do not mind sharing babysitters at all, particularly if we were all going to the same event.. but we are not, we are away overnight so when the dcs wake up in the morning they have the cm/sil/bil/baby cousin but no mummy or daddy!!

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diddl · 25/09/2010 14:47

TBH I think I´d say no.

Surely they can go out some other time & ask cm to babysit for them?

Sounds as if they are trying to get free childcare on the back of you not being there.

I would have expected some compromise-as in cm can go when we get in-which obviously isn´t happening.

Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:50

thanks diddl... we very very very rarely go out and when we do its a big event ie big birthday/wedding etc.. so its quite hard to take when you have organised something months in advance for it all to go wrong a week before!!!

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 25/09/2010 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gorionine · 25/09/2010 14:51

I guess you will have to sort that one out with SIL rather than CM then. Mabe cnversation went like this:

SIL- Dear CM could you look after my Dc @ LOTI's house?

CM - I am fine with it if LOTI is.

SIL- I will sort it with her
(then calling you) and say "CM is ok looking after My dc @ yours, what do you think?"

Putting you in a position where it is really hard to say no, as all seems to have been sorted out even though it has not.

Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:53

tsc you are so right.. i am really not good at getting my point across..

cm is our babysitter too!! So i am annoyed that i booked her to babysit my dcs to go to a wedding and now sil has muscled in {in conjuction} with the cm/babysitter to look after her child and stay over in my house when i am not there!!!

Sorry sorry sorry for not making good sense Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 14:54

goringine you could be my sil Grin

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BitOfFun · 25/09/2010 14:56

It's not really any skin off your nose though, is it?

Don't you help out family occasionally if you can?

diddl · 25/09/2010 14:58

Oops-got a bit confused-I see that SIL has actually been invited to something.

Maybe someone else is going to the 30th & ILs can share a babysitter with them?

If not, they might have to choose which one of them goes!

gorionine · 25/09/2010 15:02

LOTI, no I could not because I would never have organised it behind your back.Smile I just have a fantastic ability to put mysef in "character"Grin

Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 15:02

Bof no problem helping out at all. Have just looked after nephew for 3 days when cm on holiday and sil had to work

just irrated that I never go out and now when I do I have let family stay in my house when I am not there let the in laws use the babysitter that I am already using etc. Maybe i am being unreasonable

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BabyDubsEverywhere · 25/09/2010 15:04

I wouldnt like it because i am presious about my space, i dont like it invaded! Grin but i would go along with it as my reasons for not would be unreasonable, but i would have a good moan to DH about it. Grin

Just say 'no, im sorry but it wont work, my children will be disturbed by you getting in, and then having a house full with me and dh in the morning will be unsettling for them, best all round if you sort someone else out to be at yours with your son.'

Well thats what id say, all breezy and matter of fact, leaving no room for argument and changing the subject immediatly so they cant try the 'yeah but...' approach. Smile

BabyDubsEverywhere · 25/09/2010 15:05

OMG spelling! ahh, please skip my last post, i cant even bare to look at the mistakes, Blush

GeekOfTheWeek · 25/09/2010 15:06

I wouldn't be happy with this arrangement tbh.

gorionine · 25/09/2010 15:07

Actually, LOTI, I think the more you talk about it, the less BU you sound. I think it would actually irritate me to feel taken for granted if nothing else.

CarGirl · 25/09/2010 15:08

Can you not just say that you want to come back to an empty house ie you don't want extra guests there?

Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 15:12

Cargirl I reckon they would be long gone before we get back!! They just want to use the babysitter to mind their child so they can get pissed wake up and take him home!! No regard for my house or dcs!!!

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CarGirl · 25/09/2010 15:15

Okay but they will be sleeping at your house meaning you need to strip & washing bedding etc so extra work and hassle for you.

All you can say that they can't argue with is that you think it will confusing and upsetting for your children so on this occasion you have to say no.

EldonAve · 25/09/2010 15:20

just tell your SIL to get her own babysitter at her own house

Laquitar · 25/09/2010 15:21

You need to find out how much they are paying. Maybe they get the discount for themselves (cynical me)
Lets say babysitting is £5 ph. Are you paying £5 each for the hours you both use her? Or sil gives ie a tenner extra (since the cm is paid full by you anyway). The fair would be to pay £3.50 each for those hours. (example figures)

aaaaaAAARGHandbreathe · 25/09/2010 15:31

YANBU. Sounds like the CM thinks SIL is in charge (e.g. you get rung up and asked to go and collect DCs early and NOT SIL) and you are second in command/back up babysitter for when CM is not around.

How long has your nephew been with CM now? It sounds like it's not been long.

Is CM registered and all above board? If not I think you should look for an alternative and leave SIL to it. If SIL treats you like this I am sure CM will soon get tired of it.

Original poster
luckoftheirish · 25/09/2010 15:36

Nephew only been with cm since end of June. My dcs have been with her for 5 years!! Truly at the end of my tether with the cm and become really obvious since sil using her.

Sil def running the show. I have had to fit my youngest dc around sil hours as the cm wanted to have them both on the same days. As a result I have reduced dc's hours as am sick of being dicated to.

The dcs love the cm but I agree that I need to find a new cm for my own sanity!!!

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