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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want the teachers to clean my son's nose for him?

57 replies

emkana · 24/09/2010 22:41

Before you jump on me - he is in reception, he turned four in June and he is developmentally delayed. He goes to school part time at the moment, and when I pick him up at 12 his face is completely covered in dried on snot, where he's been wiping it with his hand. Mentioned it to the teachers and they said that they do tell him to go and get a tissue. Point is though that the way he is, it's not enough to tell him to go and get a tissue, you need to make it clearer! Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
kat2504 · 24/09/2010 22:47

YAB a tiny bit U. Teachers are there to teach not to be careworkers. BUT a reception teacher is surely used to dealing with snot and much worse from four year olds! You shouldn't be expecting them to wash his face during class, but can't he have a pack of tissues right in front of him so he can use them as soon as he needs to. Remember he is in a class of up to 30 so she can't be constantly checking his nose. But if he has special needs does he not have support in class? I teach older children, and one has this same issue with nose blowing. When necessary the TA who works with her shows her a card of a nose with a tissue to prompt her to blow. Tissues are readily available. But without one to one support, it would be hard for the teacher to keep a constant snot-watch!

thisisyesterday · 24/09/2010 22:47

can he wipe it himself? i mean, if you handed him a tissue and said "ds wipe your nose" would he be able to do it?

if so, then give him a couple of hankies and ask the teachers to TELL him to wipe it

Feenie · 24/09/2010 22:48

Op just said they do, in fairness.

bellavita · 24/09/2010 22:48

YABU.

If they had to wipe the nose of every child they wouldn't get any teaching done.

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 24/09/2010 22:49

I was about to say YABU (I am a teacher and expect children to come to school able to wipe their bottoms and noses!), however, as your child is developmenatally delayed then YANBU.
Are you sure the teacher understands/knows about his condition? - sometimes the class teacher can be the last to know! Particularly as he is new to the school.
I would ask for a meeting (more formal then than a quick chat at the end of the day) with her and explain your concerns. Are their any other issues like getting changed for PE, eating, tolieting? Use this meeting as a chance to go through his needs and ask for an IEP to be put in place to ensure he gets the support he needs.

I am sure the teacher will be fine once you explain the situation, most of us really want the children in our class to be happy at school:)

thisisyesterday · 24/09/2010 22:53

no, she said that they tell him to get a tissue

i wondered if he had something in his pocket, and was told specifically that he should wipe his nose, whether thazt would help

it might not, in which case definitely talk to the teacher again!

Original poster
emkana · 24/09/2010 22:59

He doesn't have one to one support, SN teacher is, I think, about to write an IEP for him. He is on School Action Plus. I worry about him because he is neither here nor there, not behind enough to qualify for one to one, but not developed enough to keep up.

OP posts:
Anenome · 24/09/2010 23:04

I would work on it at home with him...get him some character tissues and keep practising. And have a word too...they can at the very least make sure he has his tissues to hand. I know they're busy and all that...but it's a fact of life that in a class of thirty or even less, some kids need more help than others....its only a quick swipe...doesn't take a minute!

Original poster
emkana · 24/09/2010 23:16

That's what I thought - doesn't take much time to quickly wipe his nose or even to just put a tissue in his hand.

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 24/09/2010 23:46

am surprised not to be shouted down tbh!

OP posts:
Alambil · 24/09/2010 23:55

yanbu - he's only just four and has SN too... I'd have a word with the teacher and ask them to get on with the IEP too

textpest · 24/09/2010 23:56

YANBU I work in a Primary School - if he is SAP then he already has an IEP as part of that. Could the teacher be sending him to panel for a statement to get extra help?

Take a packet of tissues in and ask the teacher/TA/SSA to give him a tissue every now and again. If they still don't ask the head to speak to them. I can't imagine any of our reception staff letting a child walk round coated in snot

TeamEdward · 25/09/2010 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaMoTTaT · 25/09/2010 00:29

no! Emkana - he can't have started school - surely not - omg - how did that happen it only feels like 5 minutes since you had him Shock!!!!!!

kat2504 · 25/09/2010 00:34

Also remember that us teachers have to keep hands off the kids as a rule. The sort of thing that leads to little ones having accidents and going dirty. Apparently this is "child protection". The same system prevents us from alerting children to their "hygiene issues" or telling a parent their kid has nits.

salizchap · 25/09/2010 00:37

Ew! Poor teacher! I cannot cope with snot. Just the mere thought of it makes me want to urge! (boak!) Poo, wee, even sick is ok, but snot or bogies (double boak!)

I work with Downs Syndrome Students at secondary a lot and it is the one thing I HATE. I usually carry round some wet wipes as well as tissues with me just in case. (I want to puke now)

Thruaglassdarkly · 25/09/2010 00:45

YANBU - don't be a Reception teacher if you can't stand snot!!! I would be livid if my kids came home so neglected. Common sense please, you're in loco parentis...

prozacfairy · 25/09/2010 06:59

YAB a little bit U. Like someone else said if the teacher cleaned the nose of every child in the class they wouldn't get any teaching done.

My DD is 3 and in nursery and AFAIK she is told to go and get a tissue to wipe her nose when she needs to, as are her classmates.

emmie31 · 25/09/2010 08:27

Hi , my little boy sounds exactly like yours, he was 4 in August so is very young, his speech is that of a 20 month old and I wouldn't say he has special needs he's just behind the other children a bit, and will catch up in time, however he does blow and wipe his nose , the nursery he attended taught him to grab a tissue when told and wipe so we carried this on at home and practiced alot, he'll now do it himself. We often make games of things like this and make it fun, lots of clapping etc, he loves showing off.

gingernutlover · 25/09/2010 08:31

YANBU to expect them to emsure he wipes his nose, reminders, several boxes of tissues round the room, maybe his own little pack of tissues in his pocket - all these things would help. Iagree with who ever said you need to practise with him at home too, then he'll soon get the hang.

YABU to expect the teacher to actually do it, unless he has a specific physical peason why he cannot, he needs to learn to do it.

You should have my TA in his class LOL she is almost OCD ish about things like that, she'd be sending him to wash his hands and use wet wipes every 5 minutes it drives me mad! (ponders TA exchange with your son's school!)

piscesmoon · 25/09/2010 08:35

I think that emmie has the right idea-do lots of it at home and make it into a game. I think that telling him to get a tissue isn't working-they need to put the tissue in his hand, but I don't think they should wipe noses. To start with they could give him the tissue and supervise him doing it.

gingernutlover · 25/09/2010 08:39

agreed PISCESMOON
managing their own personal hygiene is part of the curriculum for reception - it's a goal they have to meet for the end of the year so it is the teaacher/parents's responsibility to ensure he is learning to do this.

Doing it for him will not solve the problem. Handing him the box of tissues and making him take one would be sensible.

BarmyArmy · 25/09/2010 08:47

YANBU - I will expect my daughter's teachers to help her out in this way when she starts school.

Child protection, my ar$e.

ragged · 25/09/2010 09:52

They should have a box of tissues handy and make it easy for him to try to do it himself.

It is a broader health issue, things like tummy bugs, colds and conjunctivitis are more likely to result by allowing the snot to readily spread.

piscesmoon · 25/09/2010 09:55

I sometimes think that perhaps parents are doing too much for them! There was another thread about not helping to get changed from PE. Schools are not going to do things for them-schools are going to encourage and support them to do it themselves. It is no help to the DC if a teacher or TA wipes his nose everytime. It is a help if they tell him how to do it-hand him the tissue and watch him do it with encouragement and demonstrations. Are you practising wih him everyday at home? Have you thought of sending him with some wet wipes? The TA could perhaps have them on the side, take him into the cloakroom with a mirror and show him how to look and wipe it away himself. You could practise at home with a mirror. I agree that telling him where the tissues are isn't working, but doing it for him isn't the answer IMO.

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