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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my nine year old daughter a facebook account?

114 replies

Lilaclion · 22/09/2010 19:26

My eldest daughter currently thinks I'm the devil personified as I will not allow her to have a facebook account.

I do feel mean, I know that several of her classmates do have accounts, but they are clearly viewing things that are not meant for their age group.

So why do some parents think it's okay and am I being unreasonable by not allow her an account?

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 22/09/2010 20:27

This reply has been deleted

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defyingravity · 22/09/2010 20:27

YANBU.

I occasionally allow my children to send messages via my account (I am sitting there with them). They have a friend who has just gone away to boarding school who has an account and they send messages to her.

There is no way they are having their own account until they are 13.

tokyonambu · 22/09/2010 20:27

"I am rather shocked when parents to teach their children to make their own judgments" Hmm

Original poster
Lilaclion · 22/09/2010 20:27

Shine, I love the one month extension every time she nags, I might use that one.

OP posts:
aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:29

" bypassing the natural law for their age"

nothing about FB is natural, so that argument does not hold water.

and also my DD foes on maybe once a fortnight, sometimes even longer - so I fail to see how she's been propelled into an "adult activity".

the most sensible thing said on this thread was by raven... your DD, your rules.

ravenAK · 22/09/2010 20:30

MmeB, the 'under 13' restriction isn't a 'natural law'. It's part of FB's t&c.

& they have no problem with accounts which are supervised by an adult but used by younger children.

Ladyanonymous · 22/09/2010 20:30

If you are going to allow it see if there is a local CEOP course you can go on which are run by the Safer Schools and Communities Teams.

A lot of kids put so much info on FB, they put where they live, and what school they go to (pictures of themselves in uniform) so it wouldn't be difficult for someone to find a lot of info about them and follow them to or from school - esp with this new GPS thing which some people aren't even aware is going on their page.

This is a great site for parents of young internet users

usualsuspect · 22/09/2010 20:30

I very rarely use my correct dob etc online unless absolutely necessary ..so yes I do lie and have taught my kids to do the same..

MmeBlueberry · 22/09/2010 20:30

I will say here that I absolutely love Facebook and will happily confess that it has enriched my life over the last few years.

However, if my younger children wanted to communicate with their cousins, they can do it via my account. They simply don't need their own. We don't need to have a charade of having an account that I know everything about. It is far more simple to be upfront and honest.

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/09/2010 20:31

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nannylocal · 22/09/2010 20:31

Nine does seem really young to have a facebook account, but I tend to side with the 'supervised account' arguement. The worst thing would be for her to open an account without you knowing and this can be done quite easily at the library, school, friends house etc. particularly in in a year or to when she's at secondary school and will have a bit more freedom.

Also I think it's quite a good idea to create a culture of compromise with teenagers (which she'll soon be). If you're the kind of parent who just says 'no' all the time I think they can be reluctant to talk to you about stuff, if you're a bit more open to compromise you may find you have an easier relationship down the line.

The bitchy bullying thing isn't new either. They're doing it online now, but that's only replacing hand-written notes and whispered remarks! If anything, it's probably better that they do it online because if you're checking her emails/fb etc. you can see if she's being bullied/involved in bullying someone else and nip it in the bud. Plus you'll have evidence to show teachers etc if it comes to that, whereas bullying hand-written notes are so easily hidden or destroyed.

aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:33

applauds nannylocal

MmeBlueberry · 22/09/2010 20:33

As a teacher, I would go as far as saying that parents who allow/promote FB use among younger teens and pre-teens are total idiots.

I am serious about this. It is one of my favourite topics. And as I have said earlier, I love Facebook.

Just get a backbone, parents.

spiritmum · 22/09/2010 20:34

That doesn't work if Facebook themselves have a rule to say that it's for 13 and over and presumably you have agree to abide by their terms and conditions?

I think there is also an issue of milestones for me. As a child I was allowed to do many of the things that my friends weren't and at a much younger age. So when I hit my teens I had to push the boundaries that bit harder because I'd already got most of what my peers still had to wait for.

Ladyanonymous · 22/09/2010 20:38

If you subscribe to the Facebook group they (the link I posted) also do online safety surgery some evenings :)

usualsuspect · 22/09/2010 20:39

I think people who think their younger teenagers won't ever do anything behind their backs are idiots tbh

aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:39

is a total idiot and doesn't care who knows it

CoteDAzur · 22/09/2010 20:41

Shine - Disagreeing is one thing, assuming I have no control of my children and have never said "no" to them is another. The latter is not a rational response to my "not sure how you can prevent it".

Btw, at that age, I had parents like you, who thought their "no" would prevent me from what I wanted to do. They were wrong.

readywithwellies · 22/09/2010 20:42

My 9 year old DSD has one and so does her cousins, youngest one being 7. I think it is daft, but then I think a mobile phone for under 13s is daft too and they all have them as well.

ravenAK · 22/09/2010 20:42

As a teacher, I would say that parents that assume they are fully aware of everything their children get up to are...touchingly naive. Grin

Nowt to do with backbone. I'm very strict about things I don't approve of for my children. Screen time generally is pretty limited in this house!

But, for the reasons adduced above, I think FB, sensibly supervised alongside responsible teaching about online safety, can be entirely appropriate for pre-teens.

Ladyanonymous · 22/09/2010 20:43

Kids will go on FB whether we want them to or not. What age you allow them to is an individual parental choice.

The parents who are idiots are the parents who moan about all the "pervs" crime and invasion of privacy yet still allow their kids online without making sure their kids know how to keep themselves safe and explaining why.

MmeBlueberry · 22/09/2010 20:45

I am pretty shocked that parents don't promote the rule of law or at least TOS for their children.

I guess I shouldn't be shocked about teenage pregnancies either.

spiritmum · 22/09/2010 20:48

But the OP is talking about a 9 yr old. I have a lot more sympathy for the idea that secondary school kids should be allowed a supervised account.

But then I suspect that they would want an unsupervised one, too?

aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:48

no, because obvioulsy having an fb account means they are destined to be teen mums Hmm

ravenAK · 22/09/2010 20:49

nods & smiles

Absolutely, MmeB. If ds gets pregnant, it'll be ALL my fault for letting him on FB.

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