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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my nine year old daughter a facebook account?

114 replies

Lilaclion · 22/09/2010 19:26

My eldest daughter currently thinks I'm the devil personified as I will not allow her to have a facebook account.

I do feel mean, I know that several of her classmates do have accounts, but they are clearly viewing things that are not meant for their age group.

So why do some parents think it's okay and am I being unreasonable by not allow her an account?

OP posts:
ravenAK · 22/09/2010 20:03

I teach them that filling in your DOB, address etc accurately online is dumb, MmeB.

aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:04

I set my DD's account up, so she didn't lie, nor have I ever taught her that lying is OK.

MmeBlueberry · 22/09/2010 20:05

Ugh.

Ah well, not how I parent my children.

Not sure why it is worth going against TOS. I guess it is nice to be 'matey' with your own children.

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/09/2010 20:06

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usualsuspect · 22/09/2010 20:06

I'm with raven..I have taught all mine to never put their correct details on the internet ...

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/09/2010 20:07

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ravenAK · 22/09/2010 20:08

But I do agree with Shiney - if you don't feel comfortable with it, say a firm NO; your prerogative as the parent to make that choice.

MmeBlueberry · 22/09/2010 20:08

I agree, Shine. I say no rather a lot to mine. They take their chances, but don't get too upset when they get the usual responses.

There are so many things I would prefer my younger children to be doing that playing with FB. And it is in my power to make these things happen!

nicky80 · 22/09/2010 20:11

Someone I know had an eleven year old daughter who had an account and she was putting her mobile and house number on there. Needless to say she received numerous calls from older men offering her free tickets to go and see Miley Cyrus (who she talked about a lot on her profile). I think to allow a child on facebook is asking for trouble. It is meant for those over 18 years.

usualsuspect · 22/09/2010 20:14

Good luck on holding out till they are 18 nicky

ravenAK · 22/09/2010 20:15

Which is exactly why I'd rather mine had FB accounts I know about & supervise, nicky80.

Not sneaky ones I'm unaware of - & a lot of 11 year olds set them up without their parents' knowledge.

aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:15

it isn't nicky - it's meant for those over 13.

and also (as said before) you CAN monitor your childs FB usage, and you CAN teach them how to stay safe online.

I'm afraid that social networking is a fact of life now especially for the younger generation, there's nothing wrong with teaching them how to go about it safely - they're all the majority are going to do it sooner or later

CoteDAzur · 22/09/2010 20:15

Shine - Control yourself, woman Hmm

What I obviously meant was that you can say "no" and prevent her from FB at home but she can open an account and log in to it elsewhere - friends' homes, school, etc. And if she does not use her real/entire name, you will not necessarily find out.

A friend's DD did this. She is 10, I think.

aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:16

or in otheer words "what raven said".

It CAN be done safely.

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/09/2010 20:16

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usualsuspect · 22/09/2010 20:16

Exactly I would rather an account I know about.then a behind my back one

spiritmum · 22/09/2010 20:16

I've never bothered with FB and am staggered at the number of posts on here that revolve around what amounts to exclusion and bullying of adults e.g. found out via Facebook that everyone is going out for best friend's birthday except me; so and so has just 'unfriended me' Confused. If adults use FB like this do we really think 9 yr olds won't?

So no, YANBU.

Incidentally the dc's school had some kind of password-protected homework service that they could use to e-mail each other. We never bothered with it for dd1 as we believe in old-fashioned things like books. They had to close the service down last year after a girl was found sending malicious messages to another girl. They're 8.

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/09/2010 20:19

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GrimmaTheNome · 22/09/2010 20:20

YANBU. FB is not a necessity of life.

One of DDs schoolfriends registered herself when she was 11, put in bogus DOB. Her mum needed scraping off the ceiling when she found out, one of her concerns is that when her DD is 14 her FB will say she's 16... not good.

Get her into Club Penguin, that's age-appropriate.

tokyonambu · 22/09/2010 20:21

My OH reminds me that we've had an ongoing conversation with another couple revolving around whether or not their son, about 14, should have facebook account. They're still "researching".

We haven't the heart to point out said son has been using it for a couple of years, as attested to by his regular communications with our children.

aristomache · 22/09/2010 20:21

so shineon, if you agree that at 9 you can govern what goes on, why do you think you couldnt govern an FB account for a 9year old?

usualsuspect · 22/09/2010 20:24

tokyonambu thats exactly what I mean

MmeBlueberry · 22/09/2010 20:25

Preteens should be doing other things. It is so sad when they are propelled into adult activities and bypassing the natural law for their age.

And it is vitally important to teach them respect for authority. I am rather shocked when parents to teach their children to make their own judgments and to pick and choose what to respect.

Facebook just isn't worth it.

ravenAK · 22/09/2010 20:26

Just googled Club Penguin.

Ugh. Disney's banned in our house. Well, we tried. Think that lasted until ds was 3...

It wouldn't be 'fit for purpose' for ds, though. He uses FB to communicate with relatives, not other 6 year olds.

MmeBlueberry · 22/09/2010 20:27

How does he feel about you being a liar?

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