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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Toddlers on reins.

83 replies

ChooksAway · 22/09/2010 10:26

All my three used reins on walks until I knew that they were reliable near roads.
I walked to school with a lady and her just walking toddler.
Three times the toddler ran outinto the busy road.
The mother didn't even attempt to hold his hand, justkept saying over and over "how else will he learn"

I told her that mine all had reins, and still learnt pretty quickly that roads are not to be messed with, and she gave me a look of absolute horror and told me that, in her book, holding dc's back with reins and not letting them find their own way is disgusting.

So, aibu to think that a childs safety at that age should be a higher priority than letting the child learn for itself that roads are dangerous?
There are open fields and parks all around us where she could let her son run - having no control next to a road is just barmy IMO!

OP posts:

borderslass · 22/09/2010 11:30

I always used reins DS was in reins until about 5 and wrist strap until 8[asd] dd1 had reins until 2.6 and then a wrist strap until 4 dd2 had them until 2.6 and then a wrist strap until 4. I saw one child approximately 18 months dash into road I was driving mother didn't see him as she wasn't watching but when she did she walloped him.

nomedoit · 22/09/2010 11:31

This is what I mean

Animal reins

Original poster

ChooksAway · 22/09/2010 11:32

Sorry - didn't know there was already a reins thread

OP posts:

everythingiseverything · 22/09/2010 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PomPotty · 22/09/2010 11:44

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/1045769-Reins
Other reins post for anyone interested...

octopusinabox · 22/09/2010 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummynoseynora · 22/09/2010 11:52

coalition DD was always the one holding my hand, but to be fair she did generally like holding hands

each to their own I say

mowbraygirl · 22/09/2010 11:53

YANBU I usd reins for both my DD and DS so did my friend for her DD who would get away from her like lightening. We were standing talking one day with our DD's and this woman we knew came along with her DS. She started on us about how she would never use reins as it was just like having a dog on a lead, and her DS always did what he was told and would never run away from her etc.

Very unfortunately within a few days of that conversation she was standing talking to a friend and her DS was getting bored saw someone he knew on the other side of the road and dashed accross the road to see him. He was hit by a car and ended up seriously injured and spent 2 months in hospital. The woman blamed the car driver as he should have been looking it was a busy road and the child dashed out between 2 parked cars.

MoChan · 22/09/2010 11:54

Depends so much on the child. I have used a LittleLife backpack off and on with my daughter (depended very much on the circumstances) but she is like a lunatic dog and runs wild when the mood takes her. If I had the little boy across the road, I wouldn't have bothered.

When DD was younger, she HATED holding hands, hated being in a pushchair, and was much happier with the backpack on. That worked for her. Wouldn't necessarily work for everyone.

Onetoomanycornettos · 22/09/2010 11:55

One alternative to reins is to get them to hold the buggy. My husband did this as he's tall, and so either stooping to hold short reins or hand holding a two year old gave him a bad back. The deal is that if they let go, they go straight back in the buggy. Even my bolter responded to this, after a couple of times of being plonked in the buggy kicking and screaming after letting go, she got the hang of it and they walked everywhere with her just holding on.

Whitethorn · 22/09/2010 11:56

I have never used reins but have a careful DD who I have made petrified of roads by telling her she will be squahsed like a tomato if a car hits her.

If I had a bolter i would definitely get them and wouldnt care about judgey looks, child on reins better than child hit by car.

Disagree with the dog analogy, my toddler never runs free to slobber over strangers whereas our old dog regularly did

BonniePrinceBilly · 22/09/2010 12:00

Reins don't work on every kid. I had one that didn't need them, and one who did but hated them so much he would wrap himself round lamposts, lie on the ground screaming etc with them on.

Mind your own OP anyway, its not your kid that will get run over is it?

Onetoomanycornettos · 22/09/2010 12:00

I'd also say that for drivers, it's much more reassuring to see children in reins, or holding hands. Wandering or running toddlers near roads make me so nervous, and although I always drive slowly past children (almost stopping sometimes), I think it only takes one split second, or one uncharacteristic dash into the road to pick up something interesting (or in my girls' case, to inspect a dead bird!) for an accident to happen. Or for me to not even see there was a toddler there.

I have really had to stress to my six year old, who I'm teaching road safety and crossing by herself, that cars just can't see her. She thinks that because she can see them, they can see her and I've had to explain numerous times that they can't, because she's little, they may be distracted or something else is in the way.

LutyensCBA · 22/09/2010 12:15

I only didn't use reins because dd hated them and cried on just seeing them! Having said that, she always has been a naturally cautious young girl and never ever ran out into danger. My rule was that she held on to my hand or to the pushchair and if she let go then out came the reins (or in to the pushchair she goes, as the case may be). I never had to carry out the threat even once! So I could manage very well without reins.

For parents of runners or less cautious children though, it is a very different matter.

BrightLightBrightLight · 22/09/2010 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrystalQueen · 22/09/2010 12:35

Reins were like dummies, before DD was born I swore we'd never use them. Haha. DD doesn't seem to register the reins part of her LittleLife backpack. She is really bad at hand holding so the reins are a necessity.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/09/2010 14:30

I have a DD who is 2.11 and still wears reins when we are walking by a road. She will continue to wear them until I think she has an understanding of road safety.

She has plenty of opportunity to run around without them - at the park etc.

My DD is a bolter, and stubborn. She holds my hand, but it only takes a second for a child to tug away and dart into the road. At this age I really think they have no concept of danger, so it's up to me to have that awareness for her until she develops it for herself.

People can judge all they like, but it won't be my child dashing out into the road!

wahwah · 22/09/2010 14:45

Bloody hell, I had no idea I was being judged for using reins with my runaway ds. Dd not being a runner I can understand the possible smugness of non users, but I didnt want ds crushed by a car, so it wasn't a choice.

Crazycatlady · 22/09/2010 14:53

Reins can be a godsend.

DD (20 months) has a Little Life backpack that she uses when we take trips into central London - so much easier on the bus/tube etc than the buggy and means I can stop her disappearing in the crowds/under trains etc...

It's also brilliant while shopping as DD has a tendency to run out of shops.

They certainly make life a lot easier when it's not appropriate or safe for her to walk independently or hold a hand and when we don't want to use the buggy.

What on earth is there to judge? It's about keeping your child safe when they are too little to process rational thought, but allowing them more freedom than they would have in their buggy. Don't get it really.

wahwah · 22/09/2010 14:55

Just to add that I really liked his backpack, it gave him a lot of freedom and the opportunity to walk everywhere. I was a little bit sad that dd didnt need it.

FindingMyMojo · 22/09/2010 15:13

Personally I don't like reins - but each to their own.

We live in a very busy part of London where most of the footpaths are narrow & roads are busy.

I held hands/hold buggy and used stern voice & we talked about roads, safety etc constantly. If she wanted to walk the rule was (is DD is nearly 3) she MUST hold either my hand or hold onto the buggy. As soon as she let go of buggy or my hand I'd put her into the buggy - she learnt really fast what was required to be a walking girl so it's not been an issue.

If I had a runner/bolter I might reconsider reins though.

daddywillbehomesoon · 22/09/2010 15:16

we used reins with ds1 as i was pg and there was no way i could catch him if he made a dash for it! he is the most careful child now when crossing, will happily walk holding hands etc, and to date hasn't bolted.

On the other hand there's ds2....we didn't use reins with him - various reasons but the main one was that he walked at around 17m and we moved to south africa at 20m (much less walking in jo'burg) - now, when we are out somewhere that requires hand holding etc, he is the worlds biggest and quickest bolter. We have had so many near misses with him it's an absolute nightmare.

Horses for courses although I'm sure they did teach ds1 something.

MilaMae · 22/09/2010 15:20

Mother of 3 under 2,need I say more. I had sets of reins everywhere.

Would rather they walked using reins than never out of the buggy which would have been the alternative.

MilaMae · 22/09/2010 15:26

The thing is without them 1 child or more you do need to be scrupulously alert. I could never trust myself to be that alert as always seemed to be struggling with copious bags,cups as well as kid's hands.

I childmind now and to be honest wouldn't be happy with walking down our busy main road without them.It only takes one second for you to get slightly distracted and......

The thing is there are more cars on the road now and they're faster,drivers also have more to think about when driving so if little Jimmy ends up in the road it's highly unlikely he wouldn't get hit. Each to their own but I personally just wouldn't risk it.

PuzzleRocks · 22/09/2010 15:30

I have never used them but have no issue with anyone else doing so. I agree with MilaMae, far far preferable to being stuck in a pushchair constantly.

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