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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Toddlers on reins.

83 replies

ChooksAway · 22/09/2010 10:26

All my three used reins on walks until I knew that they were reliable near roads.
I walked to school with a lady and her just walking toddler.
Three times the toddler ran outinto the busy road.
The mother didn't even attempt to hold his hand, justkept saying over and over "how else will he learn"

I told her that mine all had reins, and still learnt pretty quickly that roads are not to be messed with, and she gave me a look of absolute horror and told me that, in her book, holding dc's back with reins and not letting them find their own way is disgusting.

So, aibu to think that a childs safety at that age should be a higher priority than letting the child learn for itself that roads are dangerous?
There are open fields and parks all around us where she could let her son run - having no control next to a road is just barmy IMO!

OP posts:

slimmingworldmum · 22/09/2010 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

getabloodygrip · 22/09/2010 10:58

FIFTY POUNDS?????? Ma Mo, you need to explain!

annec555 · 22/09/2010 10:58

We have the death roll, demented! Only our death roll is used with the backpack style reins.....

MaMoTTaT · 22/09/2010 10:59

no - I tried just about every type on the bloody market (well not the market - in the shops), back packs, wrist ones, fancy cuddly furrry bloody things that he might think were cute and he was taking for a walk.

God at one point I possibly had the largest collection of reins in the country

Only tried DS2 on them as I had so many to try.

Gave them all away before I fell pg with DS3 and didn't even bother buying any with him

Chil1234 · 22/09/2010 11:00

My little runaway had to be a rein-wearer for practical reasons. Hand-holding doesn't work when you're fishing in your purse for change and the toddler is sprinting off through a busy motorway services/DIY store/supermarket. At times, admittedly, he resembled a marionette as I hoiked him back to his feet. Maybe the lady in your original story has a stronger constitution than me but I had enough of 'heart-failure moments' to last a lifetime prior to the rein-wearing.

lovechildofBjork · 22/09/2010 11:00

They're £6.99 in argos, £5 in Wilkinsons...

Original poster

ChooksAway · 22/09/2010 11:02

MavisG - I do understand that my way is not the only way, but when a 15 month old toddler repeatedly dashes out into the road, I do feel that the mother should take a bit of responsibility for her child. It is quite possible that her lack of restraint (whether reins or hand holding) where roads are concerned could lead to a very nasty accident.
I didn't call her barmy, I said on here that I thought she was barmy. She felt strongly enough to tell me that I was disgusting for putting reins on my dc - so who was the rude one there?
Thanks for the non-flaming from everyone else - I did 't think I was being unreasonable, was just a bit shocked at her verbal lashing this morning!

OP posts:

MaMoTTaT · 22/09/2010 11:04

yes but that's for ONE set of reins.

I had MANY sets of reins, harnesses, etc and 8 years ago the fancy smancy ones weren't quite so easy to get hold of so cost more.

I also spent stupid money buying slings with him as well because I was told that he would be more settled in a sling - so I spent a fortune trying different ones..........

I was a daft first time mum, a bit young and thought that because everyone else I knew said/did these things and they worked that they'd work for me.

Bunnyjo · 22/09/2010 11:05

I used back pack reins with DD until she was about 2.5ish (the little life ones sold on Amazon) and they were excellent.

Whether you chose to use reins or not is entirely personal. But I am that the woman the OP mentions thinks using reins is 'disgusting', but thinks it is acceptable to allow him to run onto busy roads... The mind boggles with some people

appledumpling · 22/09/2010 11:06

It depends on the child. I wouldn't have dared NOT use reins with DS; he'd be dead.

DD, on the other hand, has never needed them.

Horses for courses surely?

mummynoseynora · 22/09/2010 11:07

coalition It probably helped that DD was fairly tall and I am only 5' 4" - and my back has been fecked for years!

I never had any issues with keeping her holding my hand - she was a runner and loved to explore but she learnt very quickly that if she wanted to walk and we were somewhere busy / dangerous she had to hold my hand.... we would generally go to the park so she could escape run around as much as she liked

I personally feel that she has learnt basic road safety quicker as a result... at just past 3 and a half I can trust her to walk next to me - or sometimes just ahead a bit, she knows not to walk on the road side of the pavement, and she knows to stop before we get to roads if we have to cross. She is also starting to get the concept of looking to see if cars are coming (although this does take an age as we have to explain that parked cars aren't an issue!)

DaisyDaresYOU · 22/09/2010 11:08

Yanbu i use wrist strap on dd just so she feels like shes walking by herself but i can keep her away from road

EssieW · 22/09/2010 11:12

YANBU. I used reins for short time with DS - useful with just walking toddler who can't yet be reasoned with about road safety

On the other hand, I saw a 4 year old with a wrist strap style of rein on this morning which seemed to be absolutely ridiculous (and before anyone asks, she has no special needs etc etc).

katkouta · 22/09/2010 11:12

YANBU to think a childs safety is priority, but YABU if you think reins are the only option.

Original poster

ChooksAway · 22/09/2010 11:15

Mine were all free of reins by the time they were three, as they all knew by then not to go near roads.
Kat - reins are my choice of restraint, I never said they were the only way :)

OP posts:

Onetoomanycornettos · 22/09/2010 11:17

I'm a big fan of reins, my eldest walked everywhere from the age of one with reins rather than being pushed in a buggy, she got some limited freedom, a chance to walk, and I got the peace of mind that she wouldn't suddenly bolt onto the road (she was a bolter). Children of two/three do not have road sense, however, I don't feel strongly that reins are better, if children hold hands nicely.

Ephiny · 22/09/2010 11:17

What I don't understand is people who thing reins are wrong but have no problem keeping their child strapped into a buggy all the time when out, don't see how it's any worse.

Normally I'd say let the parents decide, they know their child and what's best for them - though I was a bit at the mother letting her kid run out into a busy road so he'll 'learn'. He won't learn anything if he doesn't stay alive long enough...

cory · 22/09/2010 11:18

I don't see how a toddler will learn for themselves by being left unrestrained. If they run into the road, they may well be in a position of never learning anything again. If they don't run out, they are far too little to realise this and draw any conclusions from it. This kind of learning is something children do when they are old enough to understand about danger. Until that day, they learn by being stopped from doing things they shouldn't.

And there is absolutely no reason a child with reins cannot learn about road safety: you can still talk to them in exactly the same way. Mine have always been very good with roads, but they still had reins when they were little.

RaisedFromPerdition · 22/09/2010 11:18

I personally don't like them, in the same way I don't like dummies. It's utterly irrational, I know they have their uses and can literally be life savers. Just don't like them.

All that said, that's my choice for my child. Would never, ever, ever judge anybody else for using them. In fact I'd understand utterly why they did.

I don't understand my logic at all. I think I need more tea.

Rhian82 · 22/09/2010 11:19

I have reins for DS, but don't use them often. He won't hold my hand for longer than about a minute, so walking with him just involves being very very aware and constantly ready to grab!

The reins don't really work for walking along - he'll just try and walk away from you or let himself hang from them. They're mostly helpful when doing a quick bit of shopping when DH isn't there - stops him running off and picking up random things, or running out of the shop when I'm paying.

He's almost two, so honestly he doesn't do that much walking along roads anyway as he just likes going in any direction he feels like rather than walking along with you. Walking places with him usually involves picking him up and carrying him after five minutes?

EasilyConfusedIndith · 22/09/2010 11:20

I never used them for ds, he was the most careful child you ever met and didn't run off. His little sister has a little life rucksack because she is a different kettle of fish!

rubyrubyruby · 22/09/2010 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 22/09/2010 11:26

mummynoseynora - The problem I have with hand holding, is that often it's my daughter holding my hand rather than the other way round and sometimes she just lets go!

I think it depends on what the roads are like where you live. We have some quite busy roads so the danger is very obvious, and DD is now scooting to nursery at just under 3 without showing any sign of running into the road. She still needs reminding on some quieter roads though.

TheChewyToffeeMum · 22/09/2010 11:26

I used reins (the LittleLife backpack type) when we were in Disneyland Paris with our 20 month old who runs everywhere. It was so busy and he was getting stressed being strapped in the buggy. The French people had absolutely no problem in loudly talking about how I was treating him like a dog!

I don't particularly like them and never needed them with DD but as someone said earlier it depends on the child. If they are early walkers and impulsive to boot reins are life savers.

nomedoit · 22/09/2010 11:28

Well I wasn't allowed to use reins because my DH said he didn't want his DD "on a lead"!

(Did use them, I had reins that looked like an teddy bear rucksack, just in the privacy of my own pavement)

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