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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that truely feminist stance on prostitution, is to support legalisation?

589 replies

StuckInTheMiddleWithYou · 21/09/2010 18:00

I recently moved to an inner city area.

There is a known brothel here and a homeless shelter.

I have seen some very sad, desperate sights walking past our home lately.

I wouldn't want any child of mine involved in this trade, however this does strike as something which desperately needs regulating - for the sake of the women, girls and boys involved.

Prohibition has failed miserably.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 15:54

No I haven't, they seek out the vulnerable women in society. The ones who are forced to do what they are doing. Usually by poverty.

vesuvia · 22/09/2010 16:13

LindenAvery wrote - "I would be interested in the mindset of why men think it is ok to pay for sex and the mindset that women think it is ok to obtain money from sexual services."

Looking at it as an outsider, it appears to me that the attitude of both clients and career-choice prostitutes is similar, and comes across to me as a combination of:

  • both see sex as no big deal
  • both see sex as a human need
  • both believe prostitutes provide a valuable social service
  • sex with a stranger is no worse than with an intimate
  • if one prostitute didn't service a client another would because "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do", so she might as well be the one being paid
  • if a client doesn't go with one prostitute, he might as well go with another
  • denial that abuse is occurring.
Ladyanonymous · 22/09/2010 16:17

Wow - this still still going?! Shock

I've been to bed and to work (in the office not the street Wink ) and everything while you guys have still been here.

Very productive day.

vesuvia · 22/09/2010 16:18

Have you had to deal with the murderous prostitute-hating type of client?

Mandamumu replied - "No I haven't, they seek out the vulnerable women in society. The ones who are forced to do what they are doing. Usually by poverty."

So as long as you don't become vulnerable, mostly by avoiding poverty, you will feel safe?

If you become much poorer, e.g. through long-term ill health, what happens then?

Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 16:43

If I had long-term ill health and worked my way through my savings, then my husband would support me, just as I would support him in the same circumstances.

BlackBess · 22/09/2010 16:48

Vesuvia, Mandamoomoo says she hasn't ever come across these murderous clients you speak of. I haven't come across one either-happily they are pretty rare. No more common in fact than women hating murderers in general.

Manda, myself and the WG's on these threads are speaking from their own experiences, which I'm sorry but are valid experiences. They cannot speak for street girls, pimped girls, girls who work for drug money. Our experiences are not theirs and we would not be so patronising as to assume that we are a voice for them. We simply don't know-we guess.

She is not accountable for women who enter the industry under duress by nature of her being a whore, nor more than you are accountable for women developing alcoholism by nature of you having a few glasses of wine in the week.

I now know who Mandamoomoo is and she is a lovely lady and not a troll I am glad she is here.

vesuvia · 22/09/2010 16:52

Mandamumu wrote - "If I had long-term ill health and worked my way through my savings, then my husband would support me, just as I would support him in the same circumstances."

I thought it was illegal for a man to live of the earnings of a prostitute.

Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 16:54

Aww fanks :)

Do I know you? Actually, don't answer that unless you're willing to tell me who you were when you were working, otherwise I'll end up going around trying to figure it out like bloody Miss Marple. Lol

Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 16:57

Vesuvia, it is illegal for any person to live of the earnings of a prostitute. They don't mean it that way though. It's aimed at pimps who put girls out to work.

Anyway, he doesn't live off of me.

OFFS · 22/09/2010 17:01

vesuvia, if Manda's (or, indeed, my) DH pimped her out - told her who she was to see, and what she was to do - yes, that's illegal, as it is for any other person. Manda and I choose our own clients and are not pimped or controlled (the offence is that he must profit from and control the actions of a WG), so we're allowed to have DHs and adult sons living with us.

In the past, we weren't. It's a massive imporovement.

BlackBess · 22/09/2010 17:02

ah you know me Manda. We did a duo together-remember? I was playing the part of chewbacca and you were Princess Leia. You had to say "help me ObiWan-kenobi, you're my only hope" while I played the drums nakkid. Easiest 2k of my life. Smile

BlackBess · 22/09/2010 17:04

Thats' too much information for mumsnet isnt it? There ya go, a day in the life of a whore. It's not all glamour.

Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 17:05

Oh Christ! The one with the fluffy bunny slippers and the anal sex carrots and those Danish pastries blu-tacked to my head...

Ee! Those were the days...

BlackBess · 22/09/2010 17:06

FFS, why the fuck did he bring blu-tak? I even got it in my hair. I can't wear slippers these days you know. Flashbacks

OFFS · 22/09/2010 17:07

Will one of you PM me with who BB is? I'm raging with curiosity and I have to go out now!

vesuvia · 22/09/2010 17:10

On the topic of statistics. If there is uncertainty over e.g. the proportion of career-choice and coerced prostitutes, it seems to me that an important factor in this is risk of harm to women.

Feminists are attacked for believing that most prostitutes are coerced. The career-choice, pro-legal-client prostitutes are attacked for believing that most prostitutes work by their own choice in safe surroundings.

In the face of disputed statistics, why are the career-choice prostitutes determined to throw caution to the wind and assume that everything is so rosy and trafficking/coercion is a tiny minority? I can't blame governments seeking to legislate to protect what they assume is the majority (even if it isn't). They have a duty of care to their citizens to err on the side of caution (i.e. assume that trafficking and coercion is the norm).

BlackBess · 22/09/2010 17:14

I'd PM you myself but i'm firewalled out. Lots of shady people about-got to be careful.

vesuvia · 22/09/2010 17:15

Mandamumu wrote - "Vesuvia, it is illegal for any person to live of the earnings of a prostitute. They don't mean it that way though. It's aimed at pimps who put girls out to work.

Anyway, he doesn't live off of me."

What is the wording of the law? Does it specifically state that it applies to pimps and specifically excludes husbands?

You wrote that he would live off you if he was long-term sick.

OFFS · 22/09/2010 17:16

I thought it might be you! Grin Good to see you, but I must go...

BlackBess · 22/09/2010 17:21

Off to change your mooncup?

Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 17:23

In Scotland it is only illegal to control a prostitute for gain.

My husband is perfectly safe.

Would you not support your husband if he was long term sick?

Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 17:24

BlackBess, it's bloody good to see you :)

We miss you round at the old homestead. ;)

vesuvia · 22/09/2010 17:31

Mandamumu wrote - "In Scotland it is only illegal to control a prostitute for gain."

What do you think "gain" means in this situation?

BlackBess · 22/09/2010 17:36
Grin It's very hot where I am and I'm bloody knackered.

Are you being controlled for gain today Mandamumu? Hows that going for you ?

Mandamumu · 22/09/2010 17:41

Vesuvia, the other keyword is control.

It means you can't pimp prostitutes out and take their money.

Bess, it's bloody freezing here.

My controlled for gain day is Thursday. I await the man in purple velvet with trepidation.

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