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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to let my four year old DD have the Barbie she was given for her birthday?

103 replies

Nevertooearlyforcake · 17/09/2010 23:51

We thought hidden it too quickly for it to have resonated on her consciousness but not so - many months after her birthday and suddenly she is making repeated demands for it. Think she's way too young - she doesn't, I do. AIBU?

OP posts:
cece · 18/09/2010 08:29

Give it to her but encourage her to take her 'diving' in the bath. It ruins their hair Grin

proudnglad · 18/09/2010 08:30

cheaphawaiian - are you sure you aren't me?!!

nagoo · 18/09/2010 08:35

I'm sure that the blue eyeshadow of my youth was less offensive than the sparkly drag queen make up she has on now.

On the plus side Shock (?!) she does have her knickers welded on now.

Rockbird · 18/09/2010 08:53

The double standards on here make me chuckle sometimes. Everyone saying it's just a doll and that she'll get her values from you presumably aren't the same people that go ballistic when girls' toys are made in pink etc and who told me I was talking bollocks when I said the same thing. I'd rather dd have pink plastic than a Barbie doll.

SulisMum · 18/09/2010 10:35

OK so Barbie might be able to have a decent career now.

But is she an unrealistic role model with her tiny waist, massive bangers, loooong legs and perfect features? Will the OP's DD grow up with body dysmorphia from having played with her Barbie?

bobdog · 18/09/2010 11:09

I had this debate 6 months ago, gift from a friend, we hid it..

In the end we gave it to her, it was a constant companion for 6 days then discarded. Later I got hold of some Lily doll/groovy girl stuff with more accessories to play with and Barbie is now still being ignored. The good thing is it ticks a box with all the other Barbie lovers, your child is not a freak she does have one, just don't encourage a full set of additional xmas crap for the pink, hard nosed plastic one.

Nevertooearlyforcake · 18/09/2010 12:36

The girls=nurses comment was as we left the female doctors surgery the other day ("Why did you see the nurse, mummy","That was a doctor, not a nurse","No, girls aren't doctors..."etc). No idea where it's come from, she's seen loads of female GPs and even the ancient Topsy and Tim books we have have lady docs.

When I think through my objections to the Barbie they are totally inconsistent which is one of the reasons I started the thread really. I'm not sure that playing with a "fashion doll" (as I saw them refered to in a catalogue the other day) which can be anything you want it to be necessarily encourages any more gender-stereotyping play than a baby doll. I have happily bought her the latter (though partly due to fact it came with a potty and we were starting to toilet train at the time, thought it might help). It is largely a knee-ject reaction. Some of my fondest memories from childhood were round at my friends house playing with her Sindy dolls (I had my own but other people's toys were always better!). Jaw 2 was on the other day and I was reminising about the time we acted out the scene with the kids and the boats at the end (no-one got chomped in our version but there was a lot of screaming). We mainly had Sindies - my friend had one Barbie but we didn't really bother with her as she seemed a bit 'in your face' compared to Sindy so perhaps it's that memory that is my primary motivation. I was a good bit older than four before I started playing with Sindy but I don't actually remember being too fussed about the clothes, it was more about the car and the horse!

Have also just sent DD1 (the 4 year old) off to a party with a Disney Princess doll as a present - why did I do that when I won't let DD have the Barbie?? I'm pretty confident from the Disney P themed gifts we've received from the girl whose party it is, there'll be no objection from the parents (in fact am sure she'll have an identical one already and therefore will be nonplussed - my DD is then likely to be very disappointed as she is so excited about giving it to her!). So have just made it ten times harder to turn round to DD and say, it's ok for her to have that but not you. The Princess and the Frog did have a kick-ass heroine though I don't like the heavy marketing that goes with the Dis P brand, esp now we're just getting to the pester-power stage.

I don't like the division between girls and boys toys spelled out in Boots, why do that? I was also bemused by the GLTC - I bought a funky little red kitchen for DD1 a couple of years ago, my brother saw it and wanted to buy the same model to his DS2 but by then GLTC was only offering it in baby pink. Now, DD1 and I had a chat about boys not being the only ones allowed to wear blue the other day so perhaps it was narrow-minded of my brother to buy a plain wooden oven instead but the GLTC must have known only offering it in pink would put off orders for boys (saw a red version is back on offer this year).

Anyway, long post and am supposed to be writing an essay so going to try to force myself to log out.

OP posts:
brassband · 18/09/2010 14:01

YABU it was given to her not you

Rockbird · 18/09/2010 14:05

My 7yo niece got £200 for her birthday last year brassband. She would walk into the nearest toyshop/sweetshop and blow the lot. By your reasoning my brother had no right to put it away in her bank account then?

brassband · 18/09/2010 14:07

Yes because he paid it into HER account

TheSistersGrim · 18/09/2010 14:14

I used to think all cats were female and all dogs were male. Kids have odd ideas sometimes. It doesn't mean they will grow up to be misogynists. I hate the idea that barbie is seen as stupid or shallow because she is attractive. Banning or deprecating a pretty doll just reinforces the idea that attractive women are inferior too.

HowsTheSerenity · 18/09/2010 14:46

I had barbies. I had lego and a Mr T and Hulk Hogan doll. They all went for drives in the optimus prime truck.
I was a strange child

Rockbird · 18/09/2010 14:50

But he made the decision for her, she didn't ask him to. She would far rather have bought 50 Littlest Petshop toys and it was her money after all. As parents it is our duty to make judgements which we hope are in the best interest of our children, especially when that child is 4. If someone feels a particular toy is inappropriate then it's up to them to step in.

merrywidow · 18/09/2010 14:50

my DD had barbies,baby alives, bratz, they seemed to be everywhere and in the most vile shade of pink . Fast Forward a few years its now Japanese Manga, black skinny jeans and airwairs

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 18/09/2010 15:00

You need to pick your battles with Dch - IMO this is not one of them.

Give her the doll.

I always said to my DD "Poor old Barbie, she has funny feet and her bosoms are too big but we still love her!"

Panzee · 18/09/2010 15:06

What about those poor people with tiny waists, huge boobs, piles of blonde hair and teeny feet? Are they not also people? Do they not also deserve representation? :o

BarringtonWomble · 18/09/2010 15:16

Let her have her Barbie phase. Barbie soon runs out of steam. My Dd's were into and out of Barbie in a matter of months.

I think it's something to do with Barbie's hair and legs. She starts off looking like a goddess but after a day's play her hair is a fright, her legs are bent behind her head and her clothes have come off.

She looks as though she's drunk a bottle of vodka and had an unfortunate episode with 240volts.

brassband · 18/09/2010 15:58

We have got a huge pile of Barbie's and 'Wee three Friends' dolls etc in the girls' bathroom that they play with in the bath.Trouble is they are all missing at least one limb and it looks like some sort of horror movie (what was that one where a woman with no arms and legs was kept in a box)

sunny2010 · 18/09/2010 16:02

I dont see anything wrong with Barbie. I love her and have been buying the different outfits of ebay to try and make her wear different things. My daughter had her first at 1 but now she has a couple and the car and shelley. I dont like Ken as when I was younger I thought he was weird. She has Disney princess stuff and all that tyep of thing but she is as feisty as I am and definitely wont have body issues as that is down to parenting not what toys they play with imo.

Role modelling is by far the most important thing and having a barbie or dressing as a princess wont change that.

splashy · 18/09/2010 16:06

i can see why you wouldn't want to give it to her, and think some people are being awfully harsh!

but if you do give it to her i agree that she will prob get bored of it very quickly. i remember barbie being awfully boring to play with as a little girl because you couldnt dress/undress her because she is so skinny, and that where all the fun comes in with dolls.

Sassybeast · 18/09/2010 16:10

Chuckling at the thought of atoy being such a cecisive role model for a 4 year old. DDs favourite toy is a very scruffy, hairy bear with one eye missing. Should I be concerned at the that she'll want to be a hairy bear when she grows up ?

pointydog · 18/09/2010 16:11

Of course yabu. Give her teh doll.

Tortington · 18/09/2010 16:12

barbie is pantst - sindy is good - sindy is the way to go

capricorn76 · 18/09/2010 16:26

When I was a little girl I was not allowed to have a Barbie doll and my soon to be born DD won't be getting one from me either. As a mixed race girl with frizzy brown hair, my parents didn't think it would be healthy for me to have a doll that teaches small girls that blond, blue-eyed and skinny women are the most pretty. Transformers were way better than Barbie anyway!

@OP I'd let your dughter have it as it was a gift from someone else but I'd also get an even better present so that she quickly forgets about Barbie Grin.

FranSanDisco · 18/09/2010 16:32

YABU, she will take all the clothes off, try to remove any bands in hair, get fluff off the carpet matted in the locks and leave it alone after a short while. It's a short lived interest really Smile.

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