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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is it not ok for wedding guests to wear white?

86 replies

poshsinglemum · 17/09/2010 20:34

Following on from guests wearing black thread?

Why is it considered a threat, snub or bad manners?

Is it to do with competing with the bride it being her big day?

OP posts:
mamatomany · 18/09/2010 14:05

I was planning to wear a pink wedding dress and wanted the bridesmaids in ivory, however the cost of any sort of Ivory/white outfit is increased because like everything else associated with weddings the W word seems to double the price.
Therefore I do not understand anyone who goes out of their way to turn up in a white/ivory dress. They must really hate the bride.

mamalovesmojitos · 18/09/2010 14:18

god, people who wear white to weddings drive me mad.

i doubt most brides would notice, as one of the posters said, they hopefully would be too busy having fun.

however, it is such bad manners. why would you? there are a huge amount of colours in the world, could guests not stick to one of them for one day? it's the bride's day fgs.

tyler80 · 18/09/2010 15:39

A friend of mine had bridesmaids that wore white too, including her identical twin sister!

Gracie123 · 18/09/2010 15:46

Three people wore white to my wedding (it was a really hot day) but I don't think it was malicious.

It does however really stand out on photos, particularly as my dress was an antique and sort of a creamy/gold white silk. People in bright white cotton stand out more than me in large group photos. I don't particularly care, but I do understand now why some people do.

Gracie123 · 18/09/2010 15:48

mamaloves I didn't notice anyone was wearing white either until I saw the photos.

GlendaSugarbean · 18/09/2010 16:00

Oh my god.

I had NO IDEA about not wearing white or cream to a wedding. I mean it. This is something that has completely passed me by.

And... AND... I have attended 3 weddings in my rather lovely cream trouser suit with big black hat, black basque, black choker and black shoes.

And...and... AND... at one of the weddings the bride completely blanked me, and subsequently snubbed me when we moved to her part of the world.

Suddenly it all makes sense!!

Shock
Tabliope · 18/09/2010 16:12

Like marantha I thought the white dress thing symbolised virginity even though I did know the tradition was introduced by the Victorians. To be honest that's what I think when I see people in white dresses (or cream etc) - in fact my nan used to say to me (snippy old thing that she was) stuff like she shouldn't be in white (things like that mattered to her generation) so the association with virginity has been around a long time. That's why I find the fashion for strapless wedding dresses a bit contradictory - obviously a sexy look but you're dressed up like a virgin.

And then there's the bit about one man (your dad) giving you away to another man (the one you're marrying) like you're a possession. I don't like a lot of the symbolism of the whole wedding thing. Not against marriage, but if I ever were to do it it's not the way I'd go. Saying that it's an individual's choice and if that's what makes their day special it's up to them. To go into a marriage with hope and love is wonderful - I've just developed cynical views about it along the way. A friend even promised to obey when she got married - I just don't get it.

Tortington · 18/09/2010 16:13

my mum wore cream with brown accessories and looked tres elegant - but on the whole if the bride is wearing white - is her day and all eyes shuld be onher dress

JaneS · 18/09/2010 16:25

tabliope, just curious - why do you judge people for wearing white and not being virgins/ wearing white and looking sexy if you don't like the unfeminist symbolism? It seems like a bit of a contradiction to me.

Tootlesmummy · 18/09/2010 16:37

When I got married, it was a small wedding less than 25 people my mum told me she was planning to wear ivory the same as me!
She didn't get it when I said I would prefer it if she didn't and it took several conversations before she agreed and went and bought something.

Tabliope · 18/09/2010 16:42

littlereddragon, I don't quite understand what you're trying to say - what am I being contradictory about? If you read my post I say I associate white wedding dresses with virginity as that's what I've always thought they symbolise and that the strapless bit seems contradictory (to me). I also say in the second paragraph it's the individual's choice and what makes their day special is up to them. My nan was obviously being judgemental though.

traceybath · 18/09/2010 17:40

Simple rule of thumb - if there's any chance you could be mistaken for the bride - think again.

5Foot5 · 18/09/2010 17:56

I wouldn't wear white at any function anyway (my own wedding apart) because I would be bound to spill something on it or brush up against something.

FakePlasticTrees · 18/09/2010 18:13

I think if it's not a church wedding, there's a good chance the bride won't be wearing a traditional wedding dress. That being the case, you run the risk of turning up wearing the same or very similar outfit to the bride.

Why would you do that? It is rude, it does look like you are trying to draw attention to yourself (and away from the bride) and even if the bride doesn't mind, everyone else will make comments and you might offend her family. Why would you do anything to offend your hosts?

JaneS · 18/09/2010 19:29

Sorry taliope, wasn't being very clear. I just don't understand why you think it's odd for brides to look sexy in white, when you don't like the sexist traditions anyway?

I mean, I don't like the idea of the bride pretending to be a blushing virgin for the day while dad hands her over to husband, but I'd see looking a bit sexy as something of an antidote to that, a bit like saying, 'no, not a little girl in a confirmation frock, I'm a grown woman!'.

Maybe that's just me though! Grin

Anenome · 19/09/2010 09:12

Gosh this is an upsetting topic for some isn't it? Sorry to butt in....just wanted to add to the victorian point....prior to Queen Victoria choosing a white dress for her marriage, girls simply wore thei best dress or got a new one made...often a print dress.

It's a weird thing that the whole tradition of white for a bride has stayed so popular when it was made popular by one woman who lived so long ago.

Back in those days, the Royal family were society's celebrities...so it's similar to the way we look (or some of us!) to people like Maddonna, Lady GaGa and
other female stars for style tips.

The average person in thoe days read newspaper and magazine descriptions of what influencial Royals and Gentry wore for the season...or their marriage...just like we do in todays mags.

Can you imagine if it suddenly becomes the fashion to wear a GaGa inspired outfit for a wedding...and that tradition lasts out 100 years??? Grin

DaisyDaresYOU · 19/09/2010 09:46

I wore white to an aunts wedding once Blush in my defence i was young and a bit dumb.I didn't think oh im gunna upstage the bride.just didn't think

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/09/2010 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 19/09/2010 10:29

Well I think the idea is simply that the bride will probably be wearing white so it´s best avoided as it could be seen as trying to draw attention from them.

anyabanya · 19/09/2010 10:30

My mother asked me what she should wear to my wedding, and I replied 'anything but white', jokingly, thinking of course there was no way she would.

She turned up in white, and looked surprised when i was Hmm. It was, apparently, 'off-white, not white'.

I think turning up in white or any variation thereof if you are not the bride is bad form. That said, people who say they come in white, with obviously black or other colour hats, basques etc.... that to my mind is no longer white at all, so if brides get snippy about that I would think they are being a tad unreasonable.

bumpsoon · 19/09/2010 10:42

I have to say i wouldnt care what colour guests wore ,aslong as they didnt wear exactely the same frock as me ! also wearing white nowadays for most people is a bit well ,dishonest Grin

frikonastick · 19/09/2010 10:50

i had a guest turn up in a white dress. with a flower coronet in her hair from the veil from her wedding..............luckily i couldnt care less

and no one did mistake her for the bride (after all, the guests had actually met me before.....) but everyone thought she was a total loon Grin

ValiumSingleton · 19/09/2010 10:55

Sophia Loren did this at her DIL and son's wedding!! will google and link

Anenome · 19/09/2010 10:55

frikonastick

She sounds unstable! Lol! Reliving the most perfect day of her life...at every wedding she's ever asked to!

Can just see her "Ooh lovely...cousin Nora's getting hitched...must dig out my bridal boquet and my veil!"

ValiumSingleton · 19/09/2010 10:57

nice cleavage for a wedding too