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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why is it not ok for wedding guests to wear white?

86 replies

poshsinglemum · 17/09/2010 20:34

Following on from guests wearing black thread?

Why is it considered a threat, snub or bad manners?

Is it to do with competing with the bride it being her big day?

OP posts:

cumbria81 · 18/09/2010 09:44

Bloody hell

I cannot beklieve that anyone would be bothered by a guest wearing white at their wedding!

What is the world coming to?

Really. Chill the fuck out.

minxofmancunia · 18/09/2010 09:57

Exactly cumbria can't believe some of the ott "bridezilla" attitudes about this.

FWIW I wore a white linen dress with flowers along the bottm to a friends wedding, I wore a short white french connection shift dress with black tights accessories and cream platform high heels to another wedding and a cream trouser suit with a black pin stripe to another wedding. I did not look like the f**king bride!!

And if people talked about me, I don't actually give a s**t about their small minded opinions.

I wear loads of white, it suits me and it's the 21st century people times have changed.

Quite a few people wore white to my wedding (my Mum wore a lovely cream suit) too, oh hang on was in a long lace cream fitted gown with straps a train and a floor length veil?? No, so they didn't look like me then what a relief, they looked like guests at a wedding.

YaddahYaddahYaddah · 18/09/2010 10:05

Don't think anyone wore white to my wedding can't recall - someone did wear jeans though - didn't overly notice that either - doesn't stop us from slagging him about it though.

Wearing white can be a big no-no so it's probably best not too - even if you don't give a s*t about other peoples opinions you should give a s*t about the bride and groom, if you don't then why bother going to their wedding.

It's not like there isn't a few other colours out there is it

minxofmancunia · 18/09/2010 10:07

The friends weddings I went to really wouldn't have minded who wore what, there were other women wearing white too.

I don't have friends who're that uptight.

marantha · 18/09/2010 10:15

I don't mind the bride complaining that a guest at her wedding is wearing white provided:

1, She is a virgin on her wedding day.

2, She has not cohabited with her groom prior to marriage.

3, She has no children by him (of course, if '1' occurs then this will obviously be the case, anyway).

Otherwise she can take her 'symbol of purity' (for this is what white dress is) and stick it where sun don't shine.

I say if you ARE going to be all 'traditional' (not something I aspire to myself- and I really, really would have been happy to get married in jeans. As it is, felt obliged to dress up a little bit for occasion, but in a dress NOT a 'wedding' dress) then be TRULY traditional, else it's just hypocrisy.

marantha · 18/09/2010 10:21

And having just recently been to a wedding where the bride (who had, from an objective viewpoint, the most gorgeous white, satin-type dress- as a DRESS, it was beautiful-can't deny it) decided to lie on her back with dress around her waist and scissor her legs wide open so that we could see what she had for breakfast, I'd go as far to say that her basic vulgarity ruined any 'virginal' beauty that dress had.

JaneS · 18/09/2010 10:25

marantha, that isn't what a white dress is about! It originated with Victorian women wanting to show off that they had the money to buy a dress in a totally impractical colour they'd never use again. After that, people added in the convenient symbolism about virginity.

I think saying 'And if people talked about me, I don't actually give a s**t about their small minded opinions' is really rude. It's not about you caring, is it? And you come across as if you rather enjoyed causing a bit of a fuss at someone else's wedding - lovely.

I don't see this as a 'bridezilla' thing. If you're in any situation which is more special/important/nerve-wracking for someone else than it is for you, you should make sure you make them feel comfortable if you can. Eg., if the grieving widow asks you to wear dark colours to a wedding you damn well wear dark colours, not bright pink with an 'ooh, give me the inheritance' sign.

NotAnotherNewNappy · 18/09/2010 10:34

Second LittleRedDragon - blue was the originally colour of of wedding dresses as it symbolises purity (as in all those paintings of the Virgin Mary).

I'd think anyone who wore an all white (not black and white or white with a print) to a wedding would just look silly and - as if they were deliberately trying to divert attention. Also, it wouldn't look great in the photos and I'd hope they'd have the decency to stand in the back row.

I also wouldn't wear a white dress with cream accessories... but that's another thread entirely

octopusinabox · 18/09/2010 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pluperfect · 18/09/2010 10:50

I wore a cream-coloured dress to my cousin's wedding, and if I got away with that without a massive moan from my aunt (Madam Stickler), I imagine it is all right, not considered rude.

This is the woman who thinks it's rude to "stack plates at table" (presumably from the days when servants were doing this, and one did not wish to make things easy for them! ).

marantha · 18/09/2010 10:55

I didn't know that before today, LittleRedDragon, and I believe you when you say that the tradition of wearing a white dress stems from Victorian ladies wishing to show off their wealth, but, nevertheless, I think the majority of brides DO associate the dress with virginity and purity. In THEIR minds, that is what the dress is about.

JaneS · 18/09/2010 11:01

Hmm. Well, I doubt it - but maybe you're American? Over here, most brides are not virgins and simply see white as 'the bridal colour'. In fact, lots don't even know about the association with virginity. My bridesmaid didn't - and she still kept telling me I should choose a white dress because it was 'bridal'.

Incidentally, men don't get to wear white and advertise their virginity, do they? Big loss there I feel.

JaneS · 18/09/2010 11:02

Actually, thinking about it: would you or your DH have minded if someone showed up in the same suit as him on the wedding day? I can't imagine anyone would care, but then I guess suits are all more similar.

AnyFuleKno · 18/09/2010 11:06

marantha, what a horrible thing to say. What is it with you and wedding threads?

gingerwig · 18/09/2010 11:09

"chill the fuck out"

well said Cumbria

JaneS · 18/09/2010 11:11

Any, I don't know she meant to be horrible, she didn't know white wasn't about virginity. And if you thought it was all about that, you might think differently, I guess?

Btw, DH was considering wearing a white dress, and I still think he should have - under marantha's rules he was entitled!

Rockbird · 18/09/2010 11:38

Wearing a white dress is merely a tradition, it doesn't matter where it stemmed from or what it stood for. In the 21st century it's part of the wedding tradition, if you're going that big churchy route and saying you can only wear white if you're a virgin etc is utter nonsense.

And not giving a damn whether the bride is upset by what you choose to do at their wedding is rude, selfish and pig ignorant.

NearlyANovelist · 18/09/2010 12:39

I forgot - my sister's MIL wore white suit with white lace gloves to her wedding (sis was in midnight blue). My sister was fine with it, but everybody else has a good snigger when the photos come out.

gingerwig · 18/09/2010 12:54

Rockbird , it's the other way round. I would never wear White to a wedding because I know so
e people object. I just don't get why they object. If I get married again I could not care less if some people wore floor length White strapless gowns.

marantha · 18/09/2010 12:59

LittleRedDragon, I couldn't have cared less if a guest had turned up in same suit as my husband. I genuinely had no interest in who wore what- I am one of those people who do not see what is so special about getting married, having a wedding certificate meant no difference at all to me. I did it because of the legal 'seal' marriage gave to an already loving relationship.

Ewe · 18/09/2010 13:00

Most people don't wear white anyway, it's not terribly flattering for most people. The standard wedding dress colours tend to be off white, ivory, pale cream etc.

ValiumSingleton · 18/09/2010 13:09

I've never been married, so it's not a 'bridezilla' objection, it's just a really clueless thing to do! If you want to turn up at a wedding and have everybody think that you have no manners, no clue, no consideration....... then go ahead I guess. it won't make the white-wearer stand out in a good way.

HalfTermHero · 18/09/2010 13:26

It is bad manners to wear white or cream unless you are the bride. A lot of people don't have manners though.......

diddl · 18/09/2010 13:51

My MIL wore a white dress-admittedly with a pattern, white lace gloves & a white hat-which I thought was a little odd tbh.

That said, I was in pale pink (although she didn´t know)

BarringtonWomble · 18/09/2010 13:58

My mum wore an ivory suit to our wedding but she didn't look like she was the bride.

I'm not sure I would do it though had it been me as the brides mother. It didn't bother me much at the time, but I think it's probably better to choose another colour now I think about it.

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