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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to put my nephew in childcare when he comes to stay

102 replies

skaen · 16/09/2010 11:43

My sister and BIL have been invited to a wedding in New Zealand just before Christmas - BIL is from there and has been asked to be best man. They have a 6 yo son who is lovely but won't finish school until the day before the wedding and will cost a fortune in airfares so they've asked if I can have him to stay for 2 weeks so they can have a bit of a holiday - they'll come back on Christmas eve. That is fine, DN is lovely and I'm happy to have him.

BUT, I'm back at work after M/L next month and won't have enough holiday to take time off to cover DN' stay. DD's school won't finish term until 3 days into his stay and although she's only in reception, I don't want her to miss the last few days if we're not going away. I would also rather use my holiday as much as possible to spend time with my children and DN, rather than DN on his own. DH's holiday year finishes in December and he has absolutely no leave left.

I've spoken to the CM my children go to and she is happy to have DN as well.

My sister is not happy. She is a SAHM and is really annoyed that I would be sending DN to a childminder. She has said she thinks I should take unpaid leave to look after him.

AIBU to say that if she doesn't want DN to go to the childminder she needs to either find someone else to look after him (not easy btw) or not go away?

OP posts:
DanceInTheDark · 16/09/2010 14:21

I know it won't make it cheaper but by "sacrificing" her second week, she could take her child.

toastandmarmiterocks · 16/09/2010 14:39

your sister is taking the piss. well done for standing your ground.

MadameCheese · 16/09/2010 14:47

If it were that much of a problem for your sister why does BIL not go on his own?

mazzystartled · 16/09/2010 14:52

yanbu!

i would just tell her you cannot take unpaid leave - your request has been declined. so its up to her, childminder, other childcare she finds, or don't go off on fancy holiday without her child

Olifin · 16/09/2010 14:54

I am outraged on your behalf OP!

DNBU and I'm glad you have told her what's what.

3 days with a CM who you know and trust? Why is that such a big deal? Maybe understandable if DN was a tiny baby but he's 6. How on earth does she cope when he's at school all day?

mazzystartled · 16/09/2010 14:54

sorry, came late to the discussion there.

warthog · 16/09/2010 16:10

jeez i can't imagine anyone taking my kids for a night nevermind 2 weeks! and then getting finicky about the cm.

gobsmacked really.

MinnieMummy · 16/09/2010 16:15

PFB much?? Jeez.

Send him anyway and just don't tell her if it's that much of an issue... Wink

belgo · 16/09/2010 16:20

Of course she is being unreasonable. I hope she is paying for the childminder and for her son's upkeep when he is with you.

She is incredibly lucky to find someone who will take her son for two weeks.

ChippingIn · 16/09/2010 16:30

I can't wait to see what she says after speaking to your BIL.

She's a right little number isn't she!

I could sort of understand it, if her DS was little (under 5) and it was a random childminder that you'd found in the local paper or something...or even if you were a SAHM but wanted a 'break' from him, but even then I'd consider it my problem, not yours!!

The fact that it's the childminder that your baby DS and your DD go to - how fucking rude - so it's OK for your kids to go there, but not for her DS, so you should take unpaid leave because your childminder isn't good enough for her DS??

Cheeky fucking cow!

Don't you DARE feel guilty if she decides not to go - just don't DARE!!

eaglewings · 16/09/2010 16:32

I'd love to have a sister who was as able to be as accomodating as you and have my kids for even a day when they were that age, a few days including a CM for a few hours would still be a dream

'Gift horse in the mouth' comes to mind

skaen there are loads of mum's who would love to have you as their sister!

Original poster
skaen · 16/09/2010 17:28

Wow, thanks all very much. If you all say IANBU, I really can't be!

I sort of understand how she feels about it as I would be very wibbly about a friend sending my DS (and DD a little bit) to a CM that I hadn't chosen or met, and it is kind of harder for her because she hasn't used any childcare on a day to day basis.

I'll update when I hear from her (unlikely) or BIL (much more likely) later on Grin

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 16/09/2010 17:42

Wibbly would be understandable, as I said before, if it wasn't someone you were already using for your own two kids.

Don't get all soft on us, she's being VVVVU you are not!

VivaLeBeaver · 16/09/2010 17:59

Christ! She's a cheeky cow!

He is 6yo, it wouldn't kill him to miss a few days of school to go. You having 2 weeks of umpaid leave will cost you more than an airfare to NZ. How come its alright for you to be out of pocket by that much but she claims not to be able to afford the ticket?

She's either happy with what you offer to do, which is still above and beyond what many would do or she takes him with them or none of them go.

Original poster
skaen · 16/09/2010 20:29

Update: I've spoken to BIL who said not to worry, she'll be fine and they're both very grateful. He thinks its a good idea for DN to have a few days in childcare and a fun break for everyone all round.

I do like my BIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
skaen · 16/09/2010 20:30

Thank you all very much for helping me stop bitching about it and actually tell her she was being silly so it will all be sorted out.

Thank you

OP posts:
Portofino · 16/09/2010 21:04

Yay!

lukewarmcupoftea · 16/09/2010 21:17

Phew! Here's to a great holiday for them, and a fun Christmas for your kids and dn - and mega mega brownie points for you from them for years to come!

edam · 16/09/2010 23:06

Hurrah! Well done to you (and your BIL). Hope the return to work goes very smoothly and you all have a lovely Christmas.

MadameCheese · 16/09/2010 23:15

Thank goodness common sense prevails, good for you skaen and BIL. I second edam's good wishes :)

ChippingIn · 16/09/2010 23:22

Thank God for your BIL - your DN will be glad of him in years to come!!

Hope you all have a great time when DN comes to stay :)

biscuitdipper · 16/09/2010 23:34

You sound lovely your sister sounds like a selfish madam! Do what you were planning to do and if she doesn't like it tough, you are doing her a huge favour and plus he might actually like it! Tell her if she's not happy she can always take him with her but you are absolutely not going to take unpaid leave so she can live it up on a child free holiday, i am fuming for you!!! bloody hell just re-read it she's expecting you to take 2 weeks unpaid leave near christmas tell her to get lost! That is utter cheek!

biscuitdipper · 16/09/2010 23:37

Whoops chipped in a bit late there! glad everything's ok x

MrsCrafty · 16/09/2010 23:39

Your sister is taking the Piss. Tell her no, and explain this as you have to us!

Cheeky mare!

MrsCrafty · 16/09/2010 23:40

Sorry, I overstepped the mark there. I am glad it's all worked out alright.