to put my nephew in childcare when he comes to stay

[skaen]

My sister and BIL have been invited to a wedding in New Zealand just before Christmas - BIL is from there and has been asked to be best man. They have a 6 yo son who is lovely but won't finish school until the day before the wedding and will cost a fortune in airfares so they've asked if I can have him to stay for 2 weeks so they can have a bit of a holiday - they'll come back on Christmas eve. That is fine, DN is lovely and I'm happy to have him.

BUT, I'm back at work after M/L next month and won't have enough holiday to take time off to cover DN' stay. DD's school won't finish term until 3 days into his stay and although she's only in reception, I don't want her to miss the last few days if we're not going away. I would also rather use my holiday as much as possible to spend time with my children and DN, rather than DN on his own. DH's holiday year finishes in December and he has absolutely no leave left.

I've spoken to the CM my children go to and she is happy to have DN as well.

My sister is not happy. She is a SAHM and is really annoyed that I would be sending DN to a childminder. She has said she thinks I should take unpaid leave to look after him.

AIBU to say that if she doesn't want DN to go to the childminder she needs to either find someone else to look after him (not easy btw) or not go away?

I have rethought my original post.
Tell her to foot the bill for CM or take DN with her.

Like it or lump it I think the phrase is!

Yes that's a good point itssonotboden

The patental leave entitlement is for your own children. So your employer could say no.

Your DSis has a shocking cheek op!

Sorry that should be sonotboden. Don't know where I got the extra bit from!

Why don't your sis and BIL take their son out of school for a few days - I know it's frowned upon by head teachers, but so is taking unpaid leave by employees.

Our 'Head'would probably allow time off if it was for family reasons and the destinations was NZ. 2 weeks in NZ will be a fab experience for him.

Thanks everyone. Just to make it clear DN would be with the CM for 3 full days with my DS. DD would be there after school.

I'm really happy to have him to look after, he is fab and DD absolutely adores him. I also think they will have a lovely time in NZ and the cost of another ticket really is astronomical.

I just thought really that DN would have to muck in and be treated like one of my own children which includes going to the CM, whereas Dsis thought that he would be very much a guest and we'd work round him.

Right. I know what I need to do now.

YANBU would be interested to know what job this woman has? She sounds lucky to have you, and can't count the amount of opportunities/fab holidays i've said no to since having children, i wouldn't take unpaid leave even if she paid you, your job and family are your priorities, she could cause problems for you here that last a long time, all so she can go on holiday?Madness!

Is she for real? You're doing her a massive favour and this is a CM you know and trust (and you're a lawyer, so hopefully your judgement can be relied upon). When she's putting on you so much, she can't expect to make such unreasonable demands.

Tell her your way is the way it has to be or she can do one.

Sorry don't know acronyms yet, she's a SAHM?
Guess she has no appreciation of the juggle between being a professional and a mum all in one day.I'm cross for you, let me know if you can't do it, will happily phone her for you

Im dying to know what your sisters says when you tell her you're not going to do it.

My 6 yo dd is longing to go and stay with my sister and her cousins in the UK. Next year I might let her, but she would absolutely be expected to muck in and fit in with their routine/rules. To expect anything else is ludicrous. Your sister is a cheeky cow!

,me too

YANBU bloody hell. SO your whole life has to suddenly stop and revolve around her precious bundle while she swans off to to the other side of the world for two weeks?

What a fucking liberty (to quote Catherine Tate)

your sister is massively taking the piss.

I honestly cannot get the over the flaming cheek of some people. The sister should be bloody paying for the cm too.

Op, do yourself a favour and tell her straight.

I'm going to stick around for an update too!

I bet OP's ear is flaming having been shouted at by her sister.
Waiting to hear what happens!

It really strikes me that you're running around trying to find alternatives, with your parents and siblings and whatnot - and she isn't.

I mean honestly, surely the whole answer here is "I can take him for two weeks but will be working for three days of that. Are you happy to pay for his childcare during those days, or do you want to find alternative care arrangements?".

Does she usually boss you around? Because you seem to be assuming that this is now your problem to solve, not hers. It's her problem.

Yasdnbu

She hasn't got a leg to stand on, cheeky mare! Hope she can see that when you talk to her.

I did speak to her and said I'd looked into it and couldn't take unpaid leave so would have to send him to the CM if she wanted him to come here.

She's going to discuss it with BIL but might not be able to go in that case .

BIL is quite a sensible bloke though so I think he'll talk her round without her losing any face. I hope he manages it and we don't all have to put up with months of sulking.

Agree with tortoise - why is it your problem? What a bloomin' cheek.

You sister is an arse.
So is mine, y ou have my sympathy.

BIL will surely make her realise how pathetic and unreasonable she is being.

Is she always this precious and self-centred?

Is that right JAMM? I stand corrected (not that I'm going to have another one but it's always good to know when I'm talking crap :o)

You're right TOTHS - I would be telling my sister that that's the deal. If you look after someone's child for a few weeks, they absolutely must be one of the family or it's hell on wheels I'd think.

YANBU.

YOu are right, DN should be treated as your children are when he is with you. He should go to the CM and your DSis should pay for the minder.

This is the deal. She either takes it, or takes him to NZ

Put her onto this thread,then see what she says!