to put my nephew in childcare when he comes to stay

[skaen]

My sister and BIL have been invited to a wedding in New Zealand just before Christmas - BIL is from there and has been asked to be best man. They have a 6 yo son who is lovely but won't finish school until the day before the wedding and will cost a fortune in airfares so they've asked if I can have him to stay for 2 weeks so they can have a bit of a holiday - they'll come back on Christmas eve. That is fine, DN is lovely and I'm happy to have him.

BUT, I'm back at work after M/L next month and won't have enough holiday to take time off to cover DN' stay. DD's school won't finish term until 3 days into his stay and although she's only in reception, I don't want her to miss the last few days if we're not going away. I would also rather use my holiday as much as possible to spend time with my children and DN, rather than DN on his own. DH's holiday year finishes in December and he has absolutely no leave left.

I've spoken to the CM my children go to and she is happy to have DN as well.

My sister is not happy. She is a SAHM and is really annoyed that I would be sending DN to a childminder. She has said she thinks I should take unpaid leave to look after him.

AIBU to say that if she doesn't want DN to go to the childminder she needs to either find someone else to look after him (not easy btw) or not go away?

Your sister is taking the mickey. It's not even as though her son will be with an unfamiliar CM on his own- he'll be with his cousin. And the childminder is not some random from the street- she's the trusted childcare professional who looks after your children. If she's not happy with that arrangement she shouldn't be prepared to bugger off on holiday on the other side of the world for 2 weeks. Or she should suck up the cost of taking her son with her. Bloody hell. Do NOT feel guilty about this!

well done you for standing up to her.

I don't get her priorities ... her child is sooo precious he can't go to a CM for 3 days, so she might not go to NZ.

But he is not sooooo precious that she's unhappy to leave him for 2 weeks (albeit with loved and trusted family) and go on holiday! That's not logical really is it.

Her choice now ... don't get sucked into negotiations, sulking, martyrdom etc. She has some perfectly good options and it's up to her what to do.

I would be fuming as well that my CM who I trust my dc with isnt good enough for hers as well. grr.

I think she is being hugely unreasonable in not taking her 6yo child with her. Two weeks is a long time for a small child to be without his parents. If they can't afford to take their child then imo they shouldn't go at all. I wouldn't dream of going on holiday without DD, it would just be too bizarre to contemplate.

Your sis is certainly a peice of work.

YDNBU - she is a cheeck madam!!

families hey - will be interesting to see what BIL has to say - hopefully he can talk her round. It would be upsetting enough for DN to be apart from his parents for two weeks while they are on holiday but at least he gets to spend some quality time with his auntie and his cousins!

Hope it all works out for you!

Wait a minute - is she expecting you to pay for the childminder as well as look after him for two weeks?

"She's going to discuss it with BIL but might not be able to go in that case"

Ah, the emotional blackmail. You were supposed to cave in to that

Stick to your guns.

Well done for standing up to her - you are doing her a HUGE favour and she should of course have offered to pay for the CM for him or found childcare for him for the 3 days.

DO not feel guilty esp if she sulks, its her problem not yours.

Oh, I don't think your Dsis is unreasonable not taking her ds to NZ.

24 hours worth of flight? £1000 + as it's summer in NZ.

No ta. She should be throwing money at you and be a quivering ball of gratitude.

Paying for the leave won't cut the mustard I'm afraid. First few weeks back from mat leave are important - to get restablished again. If SIL feels that strongly she shouldn't go

yanbu - your sister sounds very demanding.

She should either pay the airfare & forget her nice holiday or say thank you to you & be grateful you've sorted out her childcare for her.

She should also pay for the cm.

I agree with Orm, there is no way I would ask my employer for unpaid leave two months after returning from maternity leave unless it was a dire emergency.

YADNBU - and have a unanimous thread to boot

I have grown balls! I will not give in.

She is younger than me but had her DS before I had any DC so sort of assumes that she knows everything about parenting and her way is right whereas I read MN and hope I'm generally good enough .

She's been getting mum involved in the angst about her going away and mum has been passing it onto me which means we've both ended up running round after her... When I'm back at work though that will be something I don't have time for and really really won't miss.

I'm actually not that bothered about paying for the cm. I'd rather do it and just run it all myself than have her either make a fuss about the amount/ the bill / refuse to pay up and still feel put upon etc. It will come to about the amount we'd spend on their family Christmas presents so we'll probably just get a token present for DN and nothing for Dsis or Bil.

Thank you all so much. I was getting very het up about whether IWBU.

If it's just three days, and she is adamant that he won't be going to the childminder, could she not just delay her holiday for three days?

Or maybe delay for one day and your mum have him for two days?

Although, hopefully your BIL will talk sense into her!

Is this the first time she has left him for so long? If so she may be really anxious about it, and therefore not really seeing things from your perspective, if you see what I mean?

She is being unreasonable, and hopefully she will be able to see this when she thinks about it properly!

Pfhhhh! Some people really do feel entitled, don't they? Swanning off on a fortnight's holidays while someone else willingly takes care of her child, right before Xmas to boot, and she has the cheek to complain...?!

FWIW, if you ever feel like looking after my DS for a few weeks you'd be very welcome. I'm not even fussy about where you put him, so long as it's not in a kennel or something. And even then...

Quite lame that they won't take him, 2 weeks is a long time. There's no way I'd be off to a wedding for two weeks with DH without my DCs.

Is your sister normally the spoilt princess of the family who expects everyone to run round after her?

I wonder if she's actually feeling rather guilty about leaving her young ds for two weeks and is worried that he will be really homesick if he's at the childminder's rather than with you. Not that this excuses her attitude in any way, just that I wonder if it's guilt or anxiety behind it rather than princess-ishness (totally made-up word )?

CAn't she take her child and just go for 1 week instead?

YANBU. Who does your sister think she is!

She should be happy you're taking him AND she should pay for the childminder. Maybe when she realises how much it's going to cost, she'll pay for him to attend the wedding after all.