To think balloons can't be all bad....

[Minxie1977]

My friend goes to a village fete thing every year. The DC's run around the hall after it's all packed away - apparently it's the highlight for the DC's just getting to run about having fun. My friend took along some balloons with the intention of blowing them up for all the DC's to play with during their run about.

As she started on the first balloon, one of the mums came dashing over to say 'My DD hates balloons, would you mind not getting them out as we'll have to leave if you do'. My friend turned to her mum (also mid-balloon) and said 'You need to put them away Mum, there's a little girl who doesn't like balloons so none of the other children can have them'. Other mum said 'Oh, thanks, that's great' and walked off.

AIBU to wonder WTF!?!

It is only discrimination if you purposefully treat someone differently. I just cannot work out how being scared of a butterfly is ok but being scared of a person is not. Why would anyone be scared of a butterfly? Out of interest, does anyone know if any kind of phobia of people is medically recognised? Not trying to support discrimination, but I don't think that's what this is.

(Sorry Minxie for making a big deal out of this, I just don't want you be thought of as bigoted when I believe that you actually suffer from an irrational phobia.)

so just out of interest, does that mean a racist could say they have a phobia.......

Chipping- don't call me small minded. That hurts my feelings. I was raised not to be any bother and to not put other people out, that's all, and that's why I would have done things differently had I been the mum in the OP.

If my child didn't like balloons I would try and help them get over it rather than excluding others from having them. Phobias are a bit harder but I would help my child get over a phobia or seek therapy rather than seek a balloon free environment at the cost of others that may enjoy them.

I'm not angry or anything, I just feel this way about the matter, that's all. You too are entirely entitled to your opinion. What a dull world if we all agreed!

Elsewhere-
As for the phobia/dwarfism issue, nobody chooses to have a phobia. I should think everyone with a phobia would gladly be cured if they could be. Racism isn't a phobia, its a prejudice and dislike and an ignorance. Its not a physical and emotional terror of ethnic minorities.

NestaFiesta you see that is the bit I can't get my head round(I am trying to understand more)
who decides that one is ignorance and the other a phobia?
I suppose it kid of goes back to Serendippy@s question as to who diagonalize's it.

Hmm. Its an interesting one 2shoes. I personally think a phobia is a physical and emotional terror- shaking, cold sweat, screaming, crying, flashbacks. I think racism is a dislike stemming from ignorance. Just my opinion- I only came on here to talk about the balloon lady! :-)

I don't think Minxie is a bigot, she has an irrational fear of something or somemone that causes her physical symptons of fear and the old "fight or flight" instinct. Not her fault, I am sure she didn't choose this phobia! I certainly didn't choose to be all out terrified of those 8 leg things.

My MIL is a bigoted racist, but she's not scared of ethnic minorities, just rude and ignorant about them.

Balloons are bastards.

Send them to me.

I'll deal with them.

They won't suffer. Much. Oh all right, they will. But who cares? They are bastards.

YABU.

I had a balloon phobia as a small child (crying, screaming, shaking etc) and although I'm better dealing with them now I still can't bear the bloody things.

NB Phobias generally manifest as a physical reaction - fight or flight.

They really are horrible and no-one chooses to have one.

Another balloon phobic here (who knew there were so many of us?!!) so sympathies to my fellow sufferers. Having a child brought my phobia straight back into the limelight however I am doing my absolute best to overcome a life long ingrained condition. We go to parties, he has been given balloons in restaurants etc and my latest triumph is that I blew one up for him. May sound like a pathetic achievement but believe me it wasn't.

BTW my condition is linked to my cerebral palsy which means my nervous system is hardwired to overreact, particularly to noise. I don't like any loud bangs as they physically hurt my heart and leave me shaking and feeling sick due to excess adrenaline. I have tried medication in the past and may try again as I really want this thing over and done with.

Has anyone had any success with hypnotherapy as I was wondering whether that might work? Saw Paul Mckenna do it once on telly and woman was bursting balloons after one session!

One more thing: my mum was rubbish bless her at helping me overcome it. Despite her best efforts I think she made it worse by trying to help me avoid situations where I might become scared. I think reassurance and understanding would have worked better, and like a previous poster said maybe staying at parties to help me increase my confidence. I'm not saying the mother in the OP was wrong to ask necessarily though as the thing with phobias is that every case is individual just as we are. Indeed you can see that just be reading the whole thread - we may share a phobia but all have totally different reasons for it and different ways of dealing with it now. But just for the record they are beyond sh*t and I would do anything to prevent my ds from developing one.

petitfromage - that is an achievement :).

2shoes, that's what I mean. How do we tell the difference between someone who doesn't like butterflies and someone with a phobia. By your thinking, there are no phobias, just excuses for not liking someone/something. Having a phobia does not mean behaviour is excusable, rather that the person with the phobia will do all they can to overcome it or to avoid a situation which may be difficult for them. I just think that if you can accept a phobia of a harmless creature which we all know rationally is ridiculous, we have to accep that there may be a phobia for just about anything.

I have a WHOPPING phobia of balloons (only the rubber ones though ) but I honestly can't explain it - something about the turgid stretched rubber, combined with the possibility it might burst. I am absolutely petrified! I've had it since I was about 3 or 4. I now can manage to be in the same room as a balloon, but I freak uncontrollably if one comes too close or touches me.

Blow one up? Forget it! I manage it to about half its capacity then chicken out! :o

Poor DS, I feel so sorry for him - it's taken me 3 years to control it enough to allow him to have one in the car after a party, and to not hyperventilate/crash the car.

I can understand the concern of the girl's parents, TBH, but OTOH, if it's a large hall, surely there'd be room enough for the balloons to be loosly confined to one end?

thanks Janos! it wasn't massive but it was a start...I'm getting braver having used a phobia work book which has been great but it is still babysteps.

petitfromage- I think you're amazing to work so hard at your phobia for the sake of your children especially as noise causes you physical pain. It takes real guts and I admire your attitude.

petitfromage - well done!! It was massive - many people with balloon phobia would envy your ability to do that! I would give the hypnotherapy a go, just do some research and find a good one.

Serendippy I can see where you are coming from (apart from knowing what I am thinking:o)

2shoes, should have been 'by your reasoning', I admit I have no idea what goes on in your head

petitfromage- well done! Life will be much easier when you can deal with balloons, it is incredible how often you come across them in everyday life!

Phobias are horrible, irrational things. I have tryptophobia, a fear of holes/clusters/certain patterns. You'd be surprised at how often I come across a trigger, and have had CBT now to try and control it, because it was getting out of hand.

I can see why the mother asked, but I do think it is unfair on the other children to have a fun game curtailed because of the fears of one.

I think the little girl's parents would be well advised to get [her] some help in dealing with it so that she's not overcome with terror at the sight of balloons, (obviously depending on how old she is). As can be seen on this thread, you don't always grow out of phobias....

Thanks guys - it has been a bit of battle, and my lovely ex made it worse by taking the piss out of me before he then left me while I was preg. Hey ho....in fact that has probably made me even more determined to do something about it in a real 'screw you' sort of way! Plus I have no one else to depend on if I'm in panicy situation and I'm damned if my new bloke of 3 months (woohoo - and he's lovely!!) will ever find out so trying to pretend I've sorted it even though I know I haven't!

Will try hypnotherapy as would LOVE to just wake up and it never be an issue again.

Oh and I'm not a fan of spiders (not phobia just don't like the little buggers) but am now able to pick up and throw out of window with only a small shudder and the occasional squeal. I'll be covering my house in balloons before you know it. Or not....

I absolutely hate the 'majority wins' attitude some posters have. So selfish, so intolerant and so antisocial. A woman breezes into a hall where she has no authority and starts blowing up her own balloons without apparently bothering to check if it is ok with anyone. *
Another mother spots this and her heart sinks. There have never been baLloons here before and her little girl is so looking forward to playing. So she politely explains her little girl will not be able to stay if this previously balloon-free room is made intolerable for her. So if there are no balloons all the children will have lots of fun together. If the balloons are used some of the children will have fun (not necessarily more fun) and one child will be upset and left out. It is obvious that the latter option is not fair or kind! Compromise and sensitivity are more civilised values than stamping over the needs of minorities or those who are in some way vulnerable. Have a bit of empathy and a heart!

Sancti - ooh re. Deadly 60, do you mind saying where they are filming?

Back to thread: don't think you can blame anyone for having a phobia and it's generally a good thing to be kind to someone who is scared. So I'd have no problem with someone saying 'would you mind not blowing up balloons'.

I have a very strong dislike of something - wouldn't quite describe it as a phobia but I find it very stressful and upsetting and get very anxious. When it crops up, I have to look away/get away/change channels on TV. Or ask the person doing it to stop.

I didn't choose to have a fear of this thing - dates back to a childhood accident but has bizarrely been getting worse over the years.

Also the OP's friend had no right to impose her balloons on anyone - she hadn't hired the hall and it wasn't hers. Her response to the polite mother sounded nasty, rude and passive aggressive.

cold - I agree my friends response was passive aggressive - think she hoped the other mum would change her mund - but never rude and nasty! She was just trying to do a nice thing - unfortunately it wasn't nice for one of the children.

2shoes - I think the main difference with having a phobia and being a bigot is I know I'm scared, I know it's irrational and I have an uncontrollable physical response. I don't dislike smaller people. Unlike many others on here with phobias - I don't have an malice towards my phobia and I know I shouldn't feel that way. It's a bit sad that others come on saying 'I have a phobia of dogs/spiders/balloons and I wish to they'd disappear' instead of '..and i need to get past it'