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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think balloons can't be all bad....

127 replies

Minxie1977 · 14/09/2010 22:39

My friend goes to a village fete thing every year. The DC's run around the hall after it's all packed away - apparently it's the highlight for the DC's just getting to run about having fun. My friend took along some balloons with the intention of blowing them up for all the DC's to play with during their run about.

As she started on the first balloon, one of the mums came dashing over to say 'My DD hates balloons, would you mind not getting them out as we'll have to leave if you do'. My friend turned to her mum (also mid-balloon) and said 'You need to put them away Mum, there's a little girl who doesn't like balloons so none of the other children can have them'. Other mum said 'Oh, thanks, that's great' and walked off.

AIBU to wonder WTF!?!

OP posts:

NestaFiesta · 15/09/2010 19:40

paisleyleaf, I agree, the mum in question wasn't rude about it, but if it were me I wouldn't have asked them to stop blowing them up, that's all.

ChippingIn · 15/09/2010 20:36

Nesta - I am pretty sure there are loads of occasions where the little girl just leaves, lots of things she chooses not to attend, functions where balloons just appear and she has to deal with them or leave - in this one instance, her Mum asked them not to get them out, why couldn't this instance not be one time she is accommodated to? It wasn't a special occasion for any other child, it wasn't a planned balloon event - so why not, in this one instance, help this little girl out? Maybe you would think differently if you had a child that was excluded from so much because of a phobia and you saw an occasion that she could enjoy, that wouldn't be spoilt for other children.... if all you had to do was ask....

paisleyleaf · 15/09/2010 20:44

We also don't know the other woman's role at the fete and why she was there afterwards. Maybe she didn't want to just leave and felt she should help/lock up/wash up whatever.

SanctiMoanyArse · 15/09/2010 21:01

I have a very serious phoobia of naketys, thats the enarest I can get to typing the word- long things, no legs, can be venomous, increasingly popular as pets. I;ve almost puty myself andf DH over a river edge in the car when one appeared, and there was a strict rule at the Infants not to send nakreety themed books home. If I see even a childs picture it can at worst affect me as a faint or vomiting- although the lower my self confidence is, ther worse the phobia.

I don's expect anybody else to go without though- it's my job to avoid. However I have had to draw the line as Deadly 60 are filming near here Sunday and the boys are desperate to go, but DH is working so it's a no. I feel bad though.

But I am an adult; children are harder to rationalise with. If it was my childa sked to forego a balloon I would simply say we'll infalte one when we get home, no problem- win-win.

Am very saddended by the fear of people with dwarfism though and whilst I know phobias are rational (spider phobias make no sense either but then nor does mine to a great many people) in all truth i;d probably keep quiet about it, I know at elast one MN poster with a child with dwarfism. I know youc an';t help what you fear but you can help whom you risk upsetting.

SanctiMoanyArse · 15/09/2010 21:01

irrational, obv.

2shoes · 15/09/2010 21:37

Serendippy Wed 15-Sep-10 19:08:08
2shoes, in your desperation to be PC you are completely ignoring the fact that true phobias are uncontrollable. If you think that anyone would choose to admit to having a phobia of people with dwarfism, you are barking. However it is something which cannot be controlled. Clearly your phobia, if you have one, is a more 'popular' one? One that you can get understanding and support for? Lucky you to be so common.

my phobia is of people who have a phobia of people with a disability.

Original poster

Minxie1977 · 15/09/2010 21:45

Maybe it would be better if I'd said small people - it's not about the disability itself and I realise how awful it is! Having been mercilessly bullied by people smaller than me for practically my whole school life my brian somewhow translated that into a phobia of very small people. Not proud of it - didn't really want to get into it but accusations of discrimination are not correct. The few times I have dealt with people affected by dwarfism I have always tried not to show anything to them. Doesn't stop me having an irrational response like shaking/sweating/crying!

OP posts:

Original poster

Minxie1977 · 15/09/2010 21:46

Who's brain!?! Obv BRAIN!

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 15/09/2010 21:52

2shoes there's no need for that. Your issues are taken seriously here, the least you can do is show others the same respect.

Minxie your phobia is as real as anyone elses, there's no reason you shouldn't say what it is, it's not like you choose to have it and you are trying to deal with it.

2shoes · 15/09/2010 21:53

Minxie1977 thanks for explaining, it can't be easy, I am not a cow who just tries to hurt people, but.... I suppose I just can't get my head round it,
says the woman who can't stand cheesy bugs or buttons that have no home.

2shoes · 15/09/2010 21:54

ChippingIn I think we x posted.

Original poster

Minxie1977 · 15/09/2010 21:59

But that's the thing about phobias isn't it? They make no sense and seem utterly bizarre and totally silly/nasty to anyone who doesn't share it. As most people don't snuggle up with spiders or snakes, most people are understanding of those with a phobia. It's also true that phobias are often confused with a dislike of something and I see how my phobia would then just make me seem an arse!

OP posts:

2shoes · 15/09/2010 22:05

i wouldn't worry, it seems I am the baddie on this thread.

ChippingIn · 15/09/2010 22:15

2shoes Don't sulk. Why do you think you should be able to post things like this

^Wed 15-Sep-10 10:18:54
Minxie1977 bloody hell. so being afraind of migits/dwarfs is now a phobia, I thought it had another name!!!^

and for it to go unchallenged?

2shoes · 15/09/2010 22:24

because I think it ok......
I am trying not to be unkind, but to say on here that you have a phobia about a form of disability and then get "oh poor you"
would that happen if someone said they had a phobia of black people!!!

you can try and paint me as a baddie if it makes you feel better, I am not sulking, just stating a fact.
tbh It was silly of me to expect people to get it.

NestaFiesta · 15/09/2010 22:26

Chipping- keep your hair on- I'm talking more generally. On this one occasion in the OP, if I had been the mother I would not have said anything. We don't know if the girl in question has always missed out or compromised previously. That is conjecture.

However, I do have a DS who had his balloon taken off him because another child didn't like it. The shoe was on the other foot and I didn't think it was fair.

For the fete mentioned in the OP, it left no lasting damage and did no harm. I just think that stopping several/many people from doing something because of ONE person isn't completely fair. The Mum in question asked nicely before the other children really noticed. She said her child didn't like them, not that she had a phobia. She and her child would have to leave if they blew them up. I don't thibnk it was fair of her.

All I am saying is that she was outnumbered and shouldn't have got her own way.

ChippingIn · 15/09/2010 23:03

2shoes so, because you think it, no one should challenge it? You can say what you like, it doesn't mean it's right or should go unchallenged. I would be just as sympathetic with Minxie if she had a phobia of anything, including fat people (of which I am one). You don't choose a phobia, it chooses you - Minxie is trying to work through hers. She deserves every bit as much understanding as the next person. Stating that her phobia is not a phobia is rude.

Nesta keep your own hair on it all becomes clear now though I do have a DS who had his balloon taken off him because another child didn't like it. I don't understand why you are being so small minded about this, why wasn't it fair of the Mum to ask - the other kids still had fun, no-one missed the balloons and the little girl could stay and have fun.... don't see the problem.

SanctiMoanyArse · 15/09/2010 23:12

Well I don't think 2 shoes did say that- and I have challenged her many times without it affecting our friendship.

And tbh I don't think fat (I am another) and dwarfism equate at all- some dwarfism comes with potentially life threatening complications (eg Jeunes and restricted breating ability due to small chest cavity). Potentially a parent on here who has a child with that or who may even be looking at antenatal diagnosis for it would be rather more vulnerable than something to do with me being fat.

That's my issue with it anyway. And it is a complex thing- becuase I can see both that it is irrational and the poster is not at fault, whilst still agreeing that if it were a nationality or similar then it would be unacceptable. Mind i think small people would have been better than anming a disability but then that's just a learning curve isn't it? Nobody gets it right all the time. Nd when it comes to phobias etc I have much sympathy (as someone who has up to 20 panic attacks in a normal day)

It's not about sulking for sure.

Mowiol · 15/09/2010 23:24

I promised myself I wasn't going to wade in again but - 2shoes I can't obviously speak for my relative who suffers from dwarfism but I'm fairly sure they would understand the difference between someone with an uncontrollable phobia of small people and someone who was being discriminatory.
I'd also imagine he may not like others deciding when he should be offended or feel discriminated against.
That's for people like him to decide not you.

ChippingIn · 15/09/2010 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanctiMoanyArse · 15/09/2010 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn.

ChippingIn · 15/09/2010 23:56

SancitMoanyArseWed 15-Sep-10 23:40:27 said: I dont think 2shoes said that becuase she said it nobody should challenge it. I don't udnerstand the rest of your post but thats probably becuase it is very late and my eyes are going, always worse with bits of bold scattered, sorry.

I have asked for our 2 posts with your old name to be removed. I just did it without thinking. Sorry. Last time we talked about me recognising you, you were pleased I had. I'm confused why you have suddenly bitten my head off over it. You can be sure I wont do it again.

SanctiMoanyArse · 16/09/2010 00:00

Wasnt trying to bite had off, sorry! Just mentioning, no more.

Am assuming tiredness is making me come over grouchier than I actually am so will go to bed now . Night night.

Serendippy · 16/09/2010 09:08

2shoes, you have a dislike of people who have a phobia of people with a disibility. So clearly you are the type of person who does not understand phobia, just throwing the word around. Minxie did not say that she treats people differently or that she discriminates against them, in fact I would be surprised if she has told many people in RL.

You cannot help your feelings but you can help your actions. You could use help with your attitude.

wasuup3000 · 16/09/2010 10:43

Are you for real Serendippy or have you just not heard of discrimination?

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