not to call husband when I go into labour?

[hugebelly]

am due to give birth any day now, but husband is soooo stressed with work at the moment, would it be too unreasonable not to call him if I go into labour? there's no else that i'd have in his place.

i've been unwell for the last part of the pregnancy and he's had to take time off to look after our two year old. he just can't handle not being at work (works in finance in london). in the past he's repeatedly put work before family and cancelled the past five holidays.

advice please.

He's cancelled the last five holidays? Have you spoken to him about this?

It's entirely up to you. If you want him there, and call him, I take it he WILL come?

I didn't call my dh until i was having contractions two minutes apart, he was mega busy at that time too. I figured he would just stress me out more, and i felt labouring alone was more calming.

By the time he got home and me to hospital i was 9cm. Result,

Good luck, how exciting.

Ps Who will have the little two year old if he isn't there?

get him to change his job.

(obviously, that's not going to help with your question about labour, but as a longer term solution... i would call him when you think you're pretty close to giving birth (unless you had a fast labour last time)

why don't you want to call him?
because you don't want to stress him further
because he'll be too stressed to be any use to you
for some kind of revenge?

it's probably not too late to hire a doula if you want support you can rely on, but think long and hard about causing him to miss out.

i do want him there and i know he wants to be there too, but i feel very guilty about it. i think i'm more the problem than him tbh.

it's a catch22 situation. his job means that I don't have to work, have a nice house etc. and in this economic climate, especially in London, he's lucky he hasn't been made redundant - hence the fact he works so hard.

our two year old will go to grandparents.

mazzystartled - revenge? oh no... that's not me at all.

Speak to him and ask how he feels about not being there. It wouldn't be at all fair for him to miss out in this situation if he didn't agree to it before.

Ask him what he actually wants, not what you think he wants. Tell him that you have been worrying and that you'd prefer a straight answer.

Prepare for him to be upset that you may have considered not calling him.

It depends... is he the type that attends the birth because it's expected of him or the type who thinks the experiance of witnessing his child's birth is one of the most precious moments of his enire life?

dp is the latter and i know for a fact it would have neded us completely if i'd denied him the chance to be there for the dcs births, he'd never have forgiven me.

Of course you should call him if you want him there and he wants to be there! It has nothing to do with him being stressed at work. He won't be less stressed because you deny him the chance to be at the birth of his child, surely?

You feel guilty?! About the fact that at some specified time in the near future you have to push a baby out your fanjo, and you'll need DH to be there? Not unreasonable so much as bonkers!
5 holidays... and you feel guilty about calling him when you go into labour. I hope for your sake he's earning a fortune! Surely no other reason to allow his work to dominate your whole family's life like this. Perhaps time to take a stand and insist he gets his cityboy arse home to support you when you need it!

Life must be more than work at some point, surely? To not be asked to witness the birth of your child because of work has to be one of the saddest things I've heard recently. How has it come to that?

That is a sad comment on you relationship.

Do you really want him there?

I think you do need to sit him down and ASK him what he wants to do then decide at what point you will ring him and then stop feeling guilty and go for it.

Had a chat last night and got a massive apology from husband for not being supportive enough lately. he wants to be called and will try and make the birth.

Nearly everyone in my husband's department has been made redundant. HIs targets have been increased and it looks like he's going to lose his job anyway. like many families, I wish we could all spend more time together, but in reality, it's not practical.