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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my families reaction to this is utterly ridiculous?!

70 replies

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 09:29

Right my sister and her DH decided to try for a baby, they tried for 2 months then he lost his job, so they started to use contraception again.

He got a new job (a better on with fixed hours - yey :) ) and so they decided to TTC again.

Turns out they started the same time as DH and I.

We were amazingly lucky and got pregnant first month.

Now, everytime I mention my pregnancy the converstaion tuns to my sister and how hard it is for her and how much she has been crying :(

I asked her if she would come to my booking in appointment as DH can't because he has to collect the kids from school and she said yes.

But now family members are saying 'oh God, will she be OK though? Going there with you?' / ' how brave of her'

Now I don't mean to but she had tried now for 3 cycles!

She has a 3 year old so she has no fertility problems at all!

I just feel like I'm being made out to be 'upsetting' her by just trying to involve mys sister and best friend in my pregnancy :(

I'd understand if she had no children and had had IVF and things like that, but shes in her early 20's, has a toddler son and has tried for 3 months!!

AIBU?

I would never say any of this to her, its just putting a dampner on my own pregnancy and feel like I have to distance myself and my babybump-news from her until she falls pregnant and I'm worrying her AF will turn up again and make everyone feel awful for her.

I feel like a bitch typing this but feel genuinly

OP posts:

Serendippy · 13/09/2010 09:33

As long as she doesn't mind coming to your booking in appt, no problem. It is possible to be happy for other people, even when you are in a less fortunate situation. Be sensitive to her feelings, though, and make sure you make the most tremendous fuss when she does fall pregnant!

DetectivePotato · 13/09/2010 09:35

YANBU, your family are being really OTT with this. What is it when people fail to fall immediately pregnant and start wittering on about fertility problems!

Don't involve her in your pregnancy. You enjoy it and if you involve her, your family are only going to comment even more on it.

We tried for 3 years for DS, had fertility problems, told we needed IVF. 3 weeks before we were due to start, I found out I was pregnant. DS is now 2.7 and we decided to try again earlier than planned after the doc said we would probably have problems again. I got pregnant instantly this time!

Then I had to feel bad as my friend had been trying for all of 2 months and started going on about secondary infertility (she has a DD) and everytime my pregnancy was mentioned, it managed to turn around to her about how she wasn't yet.

It isn't mentioned quite as much now but it did put a dampener on my pregnancy.

Congratulaions!

bigchris · 13/09/2010 09:38

Well the booking in appointment isn't very special
I just went on my own
it was just a chat
no listening to the heartbeat or scan or anything
so asking anyone to go with you is a bit daft IMO so I'll say yabu
but congratulations anyway

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 09:41

bigchris I need someone to come with me as I have to bring DD and I have hypermesis and have to run to the loo to be sick without warning and cannot leave a 20 month old alone or get her out of the buggy intime to get to the loo.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 13/09/2010 09:41

DetectivePotato - it sounds like the sister wants to be involved in the pregnancy and has no problems at all - it's just the rest of the family who are being overly dramatic about the whole thing. To choose not to involve her because of them would be silly.

DetectivePotato · 13/09/2010 09:47

I thought she said yes because she didn't like to say no. If she has no problem with it then carry on and include her, tell your family that she doesn't have a problem with it so they shouldn't either and it is making you feel bad for being pregnant when they should be happy for you. Tell them you don't want to hear their negative comments.

mummytime · 13/09/2010 09:50

I would have more problems with the rest of your family treating her as if she has problems, because she doesn't get pregnant on the first cycle of TTC. 3 Cycles is not long at all.

But then I'm old fashioned and didn't tell anyone (except DH and Dentist) until 16 weeks.

Firawla · 13/09/2010 09:52

why dont you just ask your sister directly if she has a problem with it?

bigchris · 13/09/2010 09:53

Aha in that case you anbu

hope you feel better soon, or slightly better!!

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 09:55

I don't think she has got a problem with it.

I think she may just be a bit impatient? And my family are just dramatic.

I understand its awful getting your period when hoping to be pregnant but I just feel for family to be so OOT about it is daft - especially as we have 2 family memebers who have genuine fertility problems, seems a bit offensive to them!

OP posts:

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 09:56

OTT even!

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 13/09/2010 10:05

I don't get why people tell others they are ttc either/ My friend told us all when they started trying, now she gets slightly annoyed when her family ask if she is pregnant yet. Don't bloody tell people then.

We didn't tell anyone and when I told one of my friends she said "oh I didn't know you were trying?" Thats because its pretty personal tbh.

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:10

Hmm, we didn't 'tell' anyone we were TTC, but I think little things we said about needing a bigger car and 'getting 4 about' made it pretty obvious.

I think when we announced my pregnancy my sister sort of 'outted' the fact she was TTC too by her reaction iykwim.

Neither of us sent out postcard with sperm and eggs on the front saying 'guess what were up to?!'

OP posts:

Snobear4000 · 13/09/2010 10:11

Has your sister tried fucking regularly? I read a survey once that claimed many couples "trying" for a baby were lucky to be shagging once a week.

Her bloke is probably turned off by her moaning crying bullshit anyway. It's not really "hot", is it?

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:15

Off you go snowbear, think your late for school sweetie.

OP posts:

DetectivePotato · 13/09/2010 10:16

"Neither of us sent out postcard with sperm and eggs on the front saying 'guess what were up to?!'"

Thats good . My friend tells us when she is ovulating, something about discharge, how she lays with her legs in the air after, when they have had sex, the fact that she will wait up if her DP is out, asking about what seeds to eat etc etc. It is slightly grating.

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:21

OOh christ, that s bit too much isn't it? Urgh! Poor you! :)

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 13/09/2010 10:25

"She has a 3 year old so she has no fertility problems at all!"

not true. Just because you have had one child, doesn't mean she and her husband are still fertile.

However, I think if she's ok with coming to the appointments and you are sensitive to her then you are doing just fine. I would be a bit cautious given that people have told you that she has been crying over her lack of success in conceiving though.

Maybe talk to her about how she is feeling - she will probably appreciate it.

DuelingFanjo · 13/09/2010 10:26

and Snobear - what a dickish thing to say. FFS F**k off and stop stirring.

Original poster

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:28

Well, no what I meant was she concieved him quickly and has only been trying 3 months so there is no evidence she has any fertility problems.

I see what you mean though, but there is no history of anything and after such a short time no evidence concieving is going to be a problem.

I will talk to her tomorrow.

OP posts:

PosieParker · 13/09/2010 10:31

So your sister makes a big deal out of her not being pg and you invite her to your booking in, ffs how selfish. It's your pg, why would you take your sister with you anyway? She's already had a baby and so anyone else's pg is not very exciting and on top of that she's upset not to be pg....

I think you should accpet that she's pissed off and stop being selfish.

PosieParker · 13/09/2010 10:32

BTW...I really don;t understand the idea of involving everyone in pregnancy, it's great for you and the father and to everyone else not so much. Very egocentric, imo.

QS · 13/09/2010 10:37

Are you sure she only started ttc'ing now? How do you know they had not tried for a long time, without telling anyone?

PosieParker · 13/09/2010 10:39

leave your dd with someone if you have to, but needs must and attending an appointment with or without sickness is no excuse. No harm will come to your dd if she's left ina room for a minute without you....OP I think you need to get a grip.

thisisyesterday · 13/09/2010 10:40

agree with posie.
only 3 months that you KNOW of. if she is upset and has been crying and is finding it hard then i thin kit's grossly insensitive to even invite her along to the booking appt.

just because you don't think she has any reason to be upset doesn't mean she can't be or isn't.

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