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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my families reaction to this is utterly ridiculous?!

70 replies

TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 09:29

Right my sister and her DH decided to try for a baby, they tried for 2 months then he lost his job, so they started to use contraception again.

He got a new job (a better on with fixed hours - yey :) ) and so they decided to TTC again.

Turns out they started the same time as DH and I.

We were amazingly lucky and got pregnant first month.

Now, everytime I mention my pregnancy the converstaion tuns to my sister and how hard it is for her and how much she has been crying :(

I asked her if she would come to my booking in appointment as DH can't because he has to collect the kids from school and she said yes.

But now family members are saying 'oh God, will she be OK though? Going there with you?' / ' how brave of her'

Now I don't mean to Hmm but she had tried now for 3 cycles!

She has a 3 year old so she has no fertility problems at all!

I just feel like I'm being made out to be 'upsetting' her by just trying to involve mys sister and best friend in my pregnancy :(

I'd understand if she had no children and had had IVF and things like that, but shes in her early 20's, has a toddler son and has tried for 3 months!!

AIBU?

I would never say any of this to her, its just putting a dampner on my own pregnancy and feel like I have to distance myself and my babybump-news from her until she falls pregnant and I'm worrying her AF will turn up again and make everyone feel awful for her.

I feel like a bitch typing this but feel genuinly Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:48

Posie, I have no one else to go with! Everyone else is in work and I cant go alone because of hypermesis,

It is 3 months, we talk constantly - she even calls me to say when she is fertile, lol.

We talk about everything and she has never told me she is upset its the rest of my family being idiots, not her.

So Posie you really think its OK to leave a toddler who can climb out of her buggy alone in a waiting room whilst I have to run off to a toilet god knows where for an unkown amount of time?

How the hell am I being SELFISH asking for help from my little sister who I help out constantly?!!

So I should ask no favours of her in case I upset her?! Theres nothing to be upset about Confused

I really don't understand why you are being so venomous to me?!

OP posts:
Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:50

When she came off the pill she called me to tell me, when her AF cames she called me to tell me.

When she went back using condoms she called me to tell me...

So I know exactly how long she has been TTC, I could give you precise dates from txt messages!

She tried 2 cycles about 6 months ago, used condoms then tried again the month I got PG, she is waitng for AF now.

:( I know my sister :(

OP posts:
lola0109 · 13/09/2010 10:51

When I was TTC DD1 we had been trying for 10 months when my sister announced she was pregnant, I admittedly felt a wee pang of jealousy but mostly I was so happy that my niece was finally getting a sibling.

Then I found out that my sister was crying when she found out as she thought I'd be upset. I was upset at this, how could I be annoyed at someone being pregnant, it's lovely news!!

Luckily 6 weeks later I also found out I was pregnant so maybe your sis will find out soon too and you can both share in your pregnancies! :)

But I would have a quiet word with your sister and just ignore the rest of the family, they won't be making her feel any better.

And in the mean time enjoy your pregnancy and hope you feel better soon!

PosieParker · 13/09/2010 10:51

Well, in a word 'yes' you shouldn't ask your sister to help you out when it might cause her anguish. A toddler strapped in well will be fine in a buggy, sit near the toilet. Honestly, I had three dcs with me on some meetings, including regular injections and blood tests...it's just something you have to do. Put yourself in your sister's shoes for a minute. Why can't you leave your dd with your sister instead of taking her with you?

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:55

Anguish?! Shes not infertile!!

Its not causing her anguish, shes HAPPY for me,

read the title, its my FAMILY that are being arses!

If it were the other way round, I would have probably had a little cry at her news (she probably did) but its my drama loving family making it into something more.

My sister is over the moon and was EXCITED about coming to my booking in.

Confused
OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 13/09/2010 10:55

Well, if you talk to your sister a lot, I think the simplest thing is to ask her if she's finding the whole things a bit difficult, and whether she's ok about coming to the appointment. You could also, as Posie says, see if you could leave your DD with her while you go rather than her come along.

I wouldn't go by what the rest of the family say she is feeling, if they tend to over-dramatise things.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 10:59

They do, alot.

She was here yesterday and was asking what time should she be here, will i be having bloods - giggling at my reaction at the thought of a needle!

She was fine,

but then my mum rings and acts as if its a really hard thing for her, when its clearly not!

OP posts:
PosieParker · 13/09/2010 11:00

Perhaps she doesn't want to tell you.....

AMumInScotland · 13/09/2010 11:00

Well, you could try saying to your mum "Look, I've talked to her, she's fine. Please stop making a big deal of it when she isn't". but you may not get anywhere...

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 11:05

Lol Posie, you must be super amazing if you know my sister better than me from one thread on mumsnet, rather than the hour we talk daily and that small thing of, you know, growing up together!!

You could earn monney from that somehow, I'm sure!

OP posts:
piprabbit · 13/09/2010 11:05

Snobear might not have the most tactful way of putting things, but is spot on about the needing to have more sex. Robert Winston was on TV recently being interviewed and was asked about the first steps to take when having difficult getting pregnant - and he recommended more frequent sex. He said a lot of couples come to him thinking they are infertile when in reality they just need to improve their odds of sperm meeting egg by doing the deed more often.

I think OPs family need to get a grip, 3 months of trying is nothing, in fact it's quite average really.
So long as OP and her Dsis have a chat and Dsis is happy to be involved, then I'd tell the family to mind it's own business.

Itsonme · 13/09/2010 11:06

Just leave your dd with her at home and stop making such a fuss! You're only pregnant for goodness sake! Of course you don't 'need' somone to come with you to your booking in appointment. It lasts like 5 mins.

Do you need someone to hold your hand everytime you pop to the shop too? I guess it is unreasonable to expect you to be pregnant and watch your OWN toddler! FFS, what's the world coming to!

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 11:10

You've clearly never had hypermesis, have you?

You know, where you can be hospitalised for it?

And its not like '5' minutes when Its and hour there and back and I am sorting out plastic bags with no holes in the bottom for when I start vomitting on the bus!

Its not NORMAL pregnancy sickness.

OP posts:
PosieParker · 13/09/2010 11:11

TO....this is AIBU! I wouldn't ask my sister to be in the position you are asking yours...and I was in the same boat only with a 14 month old. My mother would have been a voice of reason and seen that, even if I could not, that asking my sister to be part of my pregnancy when she was feeling upset about not being pg was selfish. Even if your sister is happy for you it will not make her pain any less, reminding her by going to your booking in is egocentric.

arses · 13/09/2010 11:11

Piprabbit, I've heard the opposite is also true, that if you do it too regularly you diminish your chances as well? I got pg using the SMEP plan, which I don't remember too well but was something like every secnd day from CD8 until a smiley face on an OPK, then that night and the next two, then every second night for about a week.

piprabbit · 13/09/2010 11:12

Itsonme - my booking in appt. took over half an hour (in my own home). The MW needed my and my DHs medical histories plus info about my parents health. Also gave advice on eating/drinking/smoking etc. Filled in lots and lots of forms, gave me folder for the hosp. filled in with my details. Forms for blood tests etc.

If I was vomiting freqeuntly, I'd want someone with me and my toddler.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 11:14

Posie is 'egocentric' on your word-a-day calender today? Because you've got 2 star stickers up to now on this thread alone!

Well done :)

OP posts:
piprabbit · 13/09/2010 11:15

arses - that sound like an awful lot of shagging to me Grin.

PosieParker · 13/09/2010 11:18

to....did you post hoping everyone would agree with you? Because it seems to me you know that YABU but you need validation.

Mniemmniem · 13/09/2010 11:19

Congrats! It must be making it worse for her by your family piling on the pressure with the drama! Maybe it would e useful for her to speak to HV and midwife at your appts too- maybe they could recommend techniques etc. I think if you show loads of interest in her ttc then she might not feel left out and your family will get off both your backs?

PosieParker · 13/09/2010 11:19

And in your OP you belittle her upset by saying that she's only tried for three cycles and so, in your opinion, has no good reason to be upset.

Mniemmniem · 13/09/2010 11:20

Understand about hyperemesis- my sis had that and needed someoe with her when she was out with her dd. It ain't pretty!

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 11:22

Yea, we talk dailyabout it so I know shes OK, It won't be long before she falls PG.

Her DP was talking to my DH about it and he was saying my family is annoying him too making a mountain out of a mole hill!

OP posts:
Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 13/09/2010 11:24

POSIE - Shes not upset!!

Shes happy I am pregnant, she WANTS to come with me to my appointment and she wants everyone else to stop acting like theres something wrong with her for not concieving after 3 cycles and for having a little cry at the news someone else is expecting - that is all NORMAL. But my family like to blow it all up until its made to feel like an issue int he family when its not an issue for her or an issue for me!

OP posts:
PosieParker · 13/09/2010 11:26

Now, everytime I mention my pregnancy the converstaion tuns to my sister and how hard it is for her and how much she has been crying.

Yes, it seems like your family are liars then and your sister is fine.