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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For being really embarrassed by DP's aggression yesterday?

96 replies

AufDerMaur · 08/09/2010 13:46

Yesterday DP and I were sat in the car, on the driveway waiting to leave. The dustbin cart pulled up in front of the house and the men busied themselves emptying the bins down our street. So DP took the opportunity to sit playing with the sat nav.
Then he looked up and said "I bet they leave the bin right in the middle of the driveway blocking us in, if they do, I'll kick off".
I ignored this. Then the bin man pushed the bin in front of the house and walked off (in front of the car but TBF, I don't think he realised anyone was IN the car). Anyway DP bibbed the horn, the bin man looked across, realised his error and walked back over to the bin to move it. DP then shouted "yeah thats right, right in the middle of the fucking drive way, you can see I was waiting to get out, fucking tosser" He then revved the engine and shot the car forward towards the bin man (but stopped it again before it caused the poor bloke any real concern)

I was so embarrassed and couldn't even look the binman in the eyes.

Its not the first time he's done something similar but it really, really embarrassed me. He's also got a habit of speeding up if someone crosses the road in front of him. For instance a group of teenagers walked out into the road, acted a bit cocky like they do, refusing to rush etc and DP actually speeded up the car and missed them by inches. One day he WILL hit someone, I'm sure of it. He also speeds up towards cars that pull in front of him too.

Ok I know I'm not being unreasonable to be against his behaviour but he acts like I'm having a go at him if I say anything and says I'm trying to cause arguments.

One time we were driving along and a young kid came flying across the road on a bike, barely looked for cars but he was only about 11. Anyway DP shouted "look at that fucking dickhead" - then the bike's front wheel got stuck in a grate and the kid went flying over the handlebars, headfirst onto the concrete, smacked his face on the pavement and blatently broke his arm. He was crying out in agony, everyone who saw it went running over to help, I was mortified and wanted to see if he was ok - DP shouted "HA HA! nice one! serves him right, that does"

OP posts:

aurynne · 09/09/2010 01:29

AufDerMaur, what exactly do you find attractive in this man?

dignified · 09/09/2010 01:32

I wouldnt be embarressed id be horrified , he thinks its funny when little kids hurt themselves and revved up at some teenagers ?
So not grown men , kids who couldnt possibly take him on.

I would be surprised if the aggresive driving and play fighting was all he does , i bet its the tip of the iceburg. Fwiw ive had twats like this on my bumper , being abusive and theres always a woman sat at the side of them , they rareley do it on their own i think.

I would be very carefull , i once witnessed one of these tossers getting a good hiding after the driver was abusive to a couple of young lads in a little mini. The driver beeped , hooted , yelled abuse , dangerously cut them up, they had done nothing wrong and he carried it on for miles.

He obviously didnt realise they were in a convoy with about 8 other cars. He did when he got to the roundabout though.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/09/2010 07:31

Not been back has she?

gtamom · 09/09/2010 08:37

Shocked he shouted out like that after the boy was hurt! What kind of a person does that?

germl · 09/09/2010 08:51

OP -I have seen roadrage in my DH once before we were married, in fact we had only been seeing eachother for 3 months. Another driver was acting like an idiot and instead of just leaving him to it, my DH started driving really agressively, right on his bumper with the lights on full beam, screeching after him. I was so angry and as soon as we had gotten back to our hotel (we were away on a small break) I quietly told him that if he EVER did anything like that again I would leave him - my saying is "I'd like to come back from a car journey in one piece and alive".

That was nearly 5 years ago and he's not done anything like that since because he respects me. Can you say the same for your DH? As for laughing at a child that has hurt itself badly, whether it was because they were pratting about or not, it's probably one of the lowest things any right-minded adult could do, but I think you already know that.

BootyMum · 09/09/2010 09:09

AufDerMaur I second what other posters have said in regard to being seriously concerned about you and your safety. Also agree that anger management counselling might be very helpful for your DP, he sounds out of control. But as I'm sure you're aware, you cannot make him go, he has to make this commitment to change himself. Therefore the only person really you can do something about is yourself. I wonder have you considered any counselling support for yourself so that you can talk all this through in a confidential safe space and make decisions in a non-judgemental environment about what is best for you and your children. Please look into this because it seems that you are desperately in need of support and guidance, hence your posting here.
I really hope you can get some help and support as I feel you have some big issues here that need urgent addressing. I wish you all the best for a happy and safe future...

FioFio · 09/09/2010 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

warthog · 09/09/2010 09:20

aufdermaur is not going to come back. in a few weeks she'll start another thread under a different name talking about another of his problems.

we'll all say 'leave the tosser'.

and so it will go on.

hoolabombshell · 09/09/2010 12:11

Yes, it is a bit annoying if you reveal something quite personal in an attempt to relate to the OP and they just nick off, never to be heard from again.

Oh well, all the best!

GypsyMoth · 09/09/2010 13:05

God I thought this was all sorted......... If this poster is who I think it is??? The one who came and confessed the Trolling and promised to be straight with us from now on?!

BootyMum · 09/09/2010 13:20

What, do you think the poster is a troll dragonfly?

harassedinherpants · 09/09/2010 13:21

AufDerMaur - I'm sorry but your dp sounds incredibly unpleasant, but even worse, he's abusive.

Having been married to an abusive man (mentally & physically) for 13 years - I know! Men like this are cowards. They're aggressive from the safety of their cars, home or behind someone's back, but they've never had the guts to actually say this to anyone's face, or when someone has confronted them over something they back down. They don't need to, they're too busy venting their aggression and control in one way or another at home.....

Bertiebotts - I have never seen that list before, but 9 years after leaving my now xh, it sent chills down my back.

If only I'd known then what I know now .

warthog · 09/09/2010 17:01

i don't think she's a troll. i think she's finding it hard to break up and needs outside justification.

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 17:35

df...are you thinking boxroom (and all her many guises) ?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/09/2010 17:47

AF I was wondering whether it was boxroom. Something about the way she never actually responds to anything anyone says, just keeps ploughing ahead with the story.

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 18:53

on her other thread, someone else has called boxroom

looking increasingly likely, tbh

SlackSally · 09/09/2010 19:37

I absolutely hate this type of person and it would be my number one least desirable trait. It wouldn't matter what else the man was like, if they were unnecessarily aggressive I couldn't be with them.

If this is real, obviously.

Gibbon · 09/09/2010 19:39

That is why I was polite saying welcome to MN, when I really wanted to say 'piss off and stop wasting the time of perfectly lovely people making the effort to offer advice'

Have to say did not think boxroom though, didn't those threads always include a step daughter? Or am I confusing my trolls?

warthog · 09/09/2010 20:06

i didn't think 'boxroom' i must admit.

but there have been a few of these types over the years.

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 20:07

gibbon...I reckon the same poster mixes things up a bit, but it is all part of the same scenario, IYSWIM

a fucking horrible relationship, and a frozen woman

I don't think boxroom is a troll you see

fucked-up...yes

in a shitty situation...yes

taking any advice whatsoever...fuck, no

Gibbon · 09/09/2010 20:21

Make you right AF, has issues, gets given great advice, won't listen.

Sad really

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