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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For being really embarrassed by DP's aggression yesterday?

96 replies

AufDerMaur · 08/09/2010 13:46

Yesterday DP and I were sat in the car, on the driveway waiting to leave. The dustbin cart pulled up in front of the house and the men busied themselves emptying the bins down our street. So DP took the opportunity to sit playing with the sat nav.
Then he looked up and said "I bet they leave the bin right in the middle of the driveway blocking us in, if they do, I'll kick off".
I ignored this. Then the bin man pushed the bin in front of the house and walked off (in front of the car but TBF, I don't think he realised anyone was IN the car). Anyway DP bibbed the horn, the bin man looked across, realised his error and walked back over to the bin to move it. DP then shouted "yeah thats right, right in the middle of the fucking drive way, you can see I was waiting to get out, fucking tosser" He then revved the engine and shot the car forward towards the bin man (but stopped it again before it caused the poor bloke any real concern)

I was so embarrassed and couldn't even look the binman in the eyes.

Its not the first time he's done something similar but it really, really embarrassed me. He's also got a habit of speeding up if someone crosses the road in front of him. For instance a group of teenagers walked out into the road, acted a bit cocky like they do, refusing to rush etc and DP actually speeded up the car and missed them by inches. One day he WILL hit someone, I'm sure of it. He also speeds up towards cars that pull in front of him too.

Ok I know I'm not being unreasonable to be against his behaviour but he acts like I'm having a go at him if I say anything and says I'm trying to cause arguments.

One time we were driving along and a young kid came flying across the road on a bike, barely looked for cars but he was only about 11. Anyway DP shouted "look at that fucking dickhead" - then the bike's front wheel got stuck in a grate and the kid went flying over the handlebars, headfirst onto the concrete, smacked his face on the pavement and blatently broke his arm. He was crying out in agony, everyone who saw it went running over to help, I was mortified and wanted to see if he was ok - DP shouted "HA HA! nice one! serves him right, that does"

OP posts:

Katisha · 08/09/2010 14:03

As you say - it's all fine from the safety of his car. Really depresses me how aggressive people get when they are behind the wheel, when they wouldn't behave like that to someone face to face.

Cartoose · 08/09/2010 14:07

Sorry OP but he sounds absolutely disgusting.

juicy12 · 08/09/2010 14:07

But, Katisha, it's not "all fine from the safety of his car", is it? And, I agree with SGB, it's only a matter of time before he's behaving like that face to face with the OP. OP, AIBU can get a bit harsh sometimes - you could, if you wanted, ask the thread to be moved to relationships if you wanted some more advice. Up to you, of course And sorry you're having to deal with this.

Katisha · 08/09/2010 14:10

No I was being ironic - of course it's not fine. But he thinks it is.

Kathyjelly · 08/09/2010 14:13

I wouldn't be getting in the car with him behind the wheel again. Ever.

And the next time he behaved like that in front of the DCs I'd probably issue a "last chance" warning. He's teaching them that it's ok to behave like that.

glasgowlass · 08/09/2010 14:16

he sounds like quite the catch

Sidge · 08/09/2010 14:20

I wouldn't be with someone like that.

Rudeness, disrespect and aggression are not traits I find attractive in a man.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/09/2010 14:21

OP - he sounds like a pathetic bully. I'd be worried about you/your DC being around him TBH. Surely you come under the category of "not big enough to fight back", and therefore fair game for him to exercise his tantrums on? Does he throw things around at home, hurt or threaten to hurt the pets, or playfight?

Mowiol · 08/09/2010 14:22

This man has serious anger issues. And he will "prove himself" by picking on the more vulnerable or being aggressive from the safety net of a car.
This is not how to live because one day (even if he does not get aggressive with you) you will be unwittingly drawn into some situation and may find yourself in danger.
Have you suggested anger management counselling to him? Or a visit to the GP because some underlying physiological thing may be the cause? Or maybe he is just a bullying vindictive person.
Has he always been like this because if so, what attracted you to him/caused you to move in with him?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/09/2010 14:24

He sounds vile.

How can you possibly bring yourself to sleep with such a nasty bully. Yuck.

prozacfairy · 08/09/2010 14:25

I'd refuse to be seen out with anyone who was that much of a cunt, let alone get in a car with them!

Lets hope next time he indulges in a bit of road rage he doesn't meet his match and get well and truly battered.... Although it might knock some sense into him

Original poster

AufDerMaur · 08/09/2010 14:28

Thanks everyone for the replies. Was just finishing my lunch.
He used to be more agressive with me than he is now, would shout and scream at me for not doing as he said but when it had no effect he just stopped it. He's not been aggressive with me for ages now.
He does do the playfighting thing a lot but I feel resposible for that because I started it up. I used to playfully dig his ribs or try and wrestle him etc for a laugh but it turned to punching etc and he was doing it harder so I stopped and refused to take part but he still does it and trys to get a reaction. But like I said, that one is my fault really for starting it up.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 08/09/2010 14:32

Fucking hell

Yes my XP was like this too. Funny, today my DS ran into the road, I grabbed him obviously but noticed that an oncoming car had slowed (though was not that close anyway) and I recalled XP speeding up around the kids running/cycling into the road being a nuisance where we used to live, saying "Serves them right if they get run over! Shouldn't run in the road, should they?" The car slowing down today made me wonder whether XP would have. :(

He also would never pick on anyone his own size or bigger, or say anything to anyone's face.

Only sort of related, but have you seen this list? Specifically number 50 (reading the description still makes my blood run cold)

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/09/2010 14:32

mumblechum · 08/09/2010 14:32

What a horrible person.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 08/09/2010 14:33

How exactly do you feel responsible for his agression. Playfully digging my DH in the ribs wouldn't result in punching etc as you put it.
That is a rather worrying paragraph. It is not your "fault really for starting it up"`

Mowiol · 08/09/2010 14:33

Err.... playfighting with punches
And you are excusing this because "it's my fault really"????
Sorry - I would rarely come out with something like this but I think you need to seriously consider your future with him He is clearly going way too far.
And I don't say that lightly, I really don't.

DirtyMartini · 08/09/2010 14:34

"that one is my fault really" Do you actually think that? You sound intelligent enough to know perfectly well that it is bollocks. Which makes me wonder where you are coming from with this.

Anyway, fwiw, the short version of what I think matches everyone else's replies: he's a tosser, no need to think further about it, and there are no benefits to being with a man like that. You should get rid. Esp if you have kids.

Cartoose · 08/09/2010 14:34

um, how is it your fault if someone punches you?

BuntyPenfold · 08/09/2010 14:34

No it is not your fault.

if play has turned to pain you ask him to stop. Full stop.He understands that, he is not a puppy.

It is a veiled form of aggression, thinly veiled at that.

He sounds very scary.

Original poster

AufDerMaur · 08/09/2010 14:37

That came out wrong, what I mean is it was me who initiated the playfighting thing to start with so I feel partly resposible for it. Its a bit like nipping someone and then whinging because they nip you back. And he doesn't punch me properly, just play punches which I used to do back to him but I stopped hoping he would stop too but he's carried it on.

OP posts:

Gibbon · 08/09/2010 14:37

welcome to MN AufDerMaur

BuntyPenfold · 08/09/2010 14:39

Don't hope he will stop OP. Tell him to stop.
If he won't stop, why not?
What does he gain?

ouryve · 08/09/2010 14:41

YANBU.

He's a pathetic, immature bully. I'd be more than embarrassed, I'd be making plans to leave him.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/09/2010 14:41

So, what are you going to do about it?

How does he treat your DS btw?

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