DS first day at nursery and they're shortening his name...

[StrikeUpTheBand]

AIBU to correct them?

DS is 3.5 and has a name that can be (and is often) shortened. Let's just pretend for a minute that it's Christopher (obviously it is something else but to protect identities).

Anyway, DS starting day nursery today. Have rreiterated to everyone beforehand that we prefer he not be called Chris but to use his full name of Christopher and in writing (there was a sheet to fill in called "Helping your child settle in nursery" which asked this.

DP walks in with DS this morning to find he's repeatedly being called Chris "Hi Chris let me help you find your name oh here it is C-H-R-I-S. Good boy Chris!" DP didn't want to be rude but called DS pointedly Christopher. They still continue. Name on Register is "Chris Bloggs"

AIBU to have phoned them and explained that his name is ChrisTOPHER not Chris and to request that they use the name we wanted him to have? I was polite about it and explained that I didn't want it to have stuck. DS gets upset about it but won't tell people at the time, he just comes home and tells us. I don't want him to be upset on his first day by something so avoidable.

Was I wrong? They are going to get off the phone and think I am too precious aren't they?!

Not wrong at all. Good for you for putting them right, especially if it upsets your son.

That?s crap. I don?t think you?re being unreasonable at all - his name is ?Christopher? - the name all his friends and family use, presumably? Being called something different at nursery will probably make him feel a bit uncomfortable and make it an alien experience for him.
As the nursery asked your opinion on the settling-in form, it seems really strange that they went against your wishes - did they get it mixed up?
I wouldn?t worry about being seen as precious - I?d be exactly the same as you

Well if they asked first and you said you wanted him to be called Christopher (I remember filling same sheet actually) you should tell them. No point in asking you how you want your son to be called if they are not going to take any notice.

FWIW, My DS3's name was never shortened in nursery, or in reception but in year 1 for some reason everybody (exept us) started to shorten it. It did not and still does not bother him so I have devided to leave this battle. He is still his full name on the school register though.

No, you are definitely NBU to correct them. I never shorten names (unless I was introduced to that person as the shortened version of their name). You choose a certain name for your ds and it should be respected.

You weren't wrong at all to tell them, its important that they call him by the name he's used to and that you prefer. Hopefully they will not think you're precious but be grateful that you've pointed out something to make him settle in better. And if they do think you're precious then what the hell, let them.

Best you nip it in the bud now so you were right to make that call especially if it upsets your son.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but this will get harder as he gets older.

To carry your example on a little, lets say we decided to use Christopher for one of our dses, because it is FIL's name. FIL is shortened to Chris, and I don't particularly like it, and don't want our ds shortened that way.

So he is Christopher all through primary school, and stays Christopher during his first year or so at secondary school, but then Chris starts to creep in amongst his friends - he doesn't mind and would be horribly embarrassed if I went round telling his friends to call him Christopher (and they'd probably take the piss too), so fast forward to now, when most of his friends call him Chris, and he's Christopher at home. I don't like it, but there's not a lot I can do.

Hopefully, though, if it does upset your son, he will tell people what he wants to be called as he gets older.

YANBU-especially as they have already asked

YANBU
Do it. It's your call!! Your child, the name YOU spent ages choosing out for him. Don't let them dictate. Start as you mean to go on!!

I understand you'd want to call him Christopher - but you cannot control what others call him.

YANBU. You did the right thing by correcting them asap. You of course want him to be called by the name you gave him for as long as poss; and probably for ever by yourselfs.
Of course children will shorten it it eventually.
Or even lengthen it! I used to know a little girl called Amber, her Mother was quite sure that it wouldnt be shortened, but a horrid little boy used to call her 'amburger'!

YANBU or too precious!

Not wrong - and best to tell them straight away .

Tell them. The school should get it right and abide by your wishes. Just be aware that his playmates may well shorten it anyway and there will be nothing you can do about it.

If you don't want the nursery staff to shorten his name then fair enough tell them,but as he gets older the other children will shorten it ,not much you can do about that

I would be the same as you. My DS2 is called "Christopher" and the usual shortening is "Chris" but we don't really like it so we ask everyone to shorten it to "Kit" which they do (and in fact for a long time he was known as "Kitty-boo" by all and sundry at our request).

We do accept though, that at some stage in his life he will be known as "Chris" and we will just have to accept it. Just think "Kit" is nicer for a small boy.

I have repeatedly asked people not to call him "Chris" and I never feel precious about it. After all, he's only small and has been answering to "Kit" all his life.

**NB Name in question is not Christopher!

Definately tell them. In the nursery I work at we certainly wouldn't mind being tols, and would be more likely to feel bad and embarrassed that we hadn't done as you had asked in the first place. Make the point that you want anything with his name written on it to be chanced too, so that when he is looking at the list he gets to recognise his full name.

There is a possibility that they have done this to help confusion with another child of the same name, but then there is no reason why they can't use the initial from his surname to differentiate between children.

Your childs name is part of his identity, and they have no right to change it because it suits them. My ds has a simelar sort of name, but he get very cross if anyone ever uses the full version, which we never use even if he is being told off, so I know how you feel.

YANBU but later on he may decide to shortern it or lengthen it, or call himself somethign altogether. Actually DD1 used to insist on a shortened form of her name at Nursery (but spelled her way), she has now decide she wants her full name, and we get cross if anyone gets it wrong.
I would just point it out that he is called "christopher" not "Chris" and no one ever calls him "Chris" that is confusing him. They should do their best, and should certainly change labels quickly.

Well I'd be in 2 minds about this. My DS is a year older than yours and his friends now call themselves what they want and indeed shorten eachothers names. Like someone has said above, names that can't be shortened can always be lengthened by children.

eg - 4yos I know have done this with names:

Kieron - Kieron Bieron
Toby - Tobs or Toby Woby

etc...

And...I have a relative who is a teacher. There is a pupil - a 15yo called Alexander. All his friends and teachers call him Alex. When he was referred to as Alex at parents evening, the parents picked up the teacher saying - no, it's Alexander. But, the teacher sees this child all the time - knows the child wants to be called Alex - child says so to friends.

Nursery staff seem to lengthen names in my (quite wide) experience - I know
Charleyfarley
Millivanilli
Ollygogs
Kittypolitti
Jojo
Harryarry
Also of course
Harrydee
Harryjay
Harryem
Harrybee
Jackbee
Jackell
Jackess
Jackeff
etc etc
But what to do?
I don't know either except keep on at them.

Thanks everyone - I just don't want them to get to the end of the day and be calling him "Chris" and have that in their heads.

SkiHorse - I would agree with you maybe if we were talking about kids, and if he were a bit older, but for now I do think really that the adults at least should respect that we wanted him called "Christopher" (and as I said, it tends to upset DS as the short version has never been his name). I think also that a person has the right to be called what they want and it does grate when people shorten my name too!

I was so worried about calling because I didn't want to be seen as 'precious mum' forever - but didn't want to leave DS to a day of being called "Chris" which I knew might upset him. So I'd rather be the one to tell them so he doesn't have to have the discomfort of correcting them.

Certainly correct them now.

But it will get harder as he get older.

Nursery have added an "-ie" to the end of one of my DTs name (eg like "Billy - but obviously a different name). My DT1 likes it ... we only knew because he started calling himself this new name.

Well, it's one of the things you have to consider when picking a name for a baby - all the possible derivatives, and whether you can stand them.

So, DS is called something in the same vein as Christopher (although not that!), but we chose it as we also liked Chris, Christy etc... I say "like," but DH and I only ever call him by the full version (along with other silly, private nicknames that he would kill us for broadcasting outside the home). But I have no objection to what others do.

You were right to call the school on it, however. They must respect your wishes on it, and it sounds like they're aware of it and part of their overal policy if they sent out a form. Probably just an oversight on their part, but they're going to have spend some time changing peg/tray labels/lists etc...

I'm not sure what I think about this tbh.

On the one hand, of course he should be able to dictate what he's called by people.

OTOH, you've given him a name with an obvious abbreviation - did you not see this coming? There are names we liked I avoided because I didn't like the abbreviated version. And I feel a bit something * about the fact that it upsets him - I wonder if you might need to work it through with him somehow - cos if it's such an obvious abbreviation this is going to keep happening and he's going to need to be ok with it at some point or be upset forever if you see what I mean?

*I'm not sure quite what I feel - a bit uneasy maybe? a bit sad? cos I don't see this going away for him.

Green Triangle - I would be fine if DS wanted to be called the short version but he doesn't! And he's quite a sensitive little boy at times! Plus he's 3...so I think it's ok for his parents to choose what he is called at this stage?

If he decides he wants to be called his shortened version of his name later on (like at school) then fine. But I see preserving the long version of his name now to be important...to give him the choice later. I do firmly believe it should be his choice, not the choice of someone at nursery or school. It isn't his name as many people have said. His actual name (which isn't Christopher, changed so we aren't identified) has about 5-6 other short versions and it will be up to him to make that decision. I don't want the short version to stick before he's even had chance to think about it IYKWIM?